It can be difficult to really understand yourself when you’ve been in a long-term relationship. Your significant other becomes a huge part of your life, to the point where going on without him feels empty in comparison.

Odds are that attraction to one another will still be there. You’ll have plenty to talk about and you should both be really happy to reconnect if you are in fact seeing each other organically; so don’t force a rendez-vous!

You can’t make things work on your own. “Make sure your ex is as determined to correct the old problems as you are,” affirms Tessina. “If he is blaming you for everything that went wrong, disaster is imminent,” she says. And on the flip side, if you’re still blaming your ex, it’s just as big a problem — work together, not against each other.

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

While it is important to not pursue your ex for a month or so, it’s okay to be responsive if he or she pursues you. In other words, if you get a call, don’t hang up on your ex or refuse to talk. It is not necessary to try to play mind games or play hard to get, and doing so would have the potential to push him or her further away, which is the opposite of your goal at this point.[7]

A breakup is always a difficult experience to go through, but it doesn’t need to be the end. Whether you were married or in a committed relationship with your boyfriend, you may be able to rebuild the relationship.

hi Kevin my girlfriend am i have been together for two years. the first year we did spend together, but the second i moved to go pursue my dream of becoming a pilot. we have been together in the long distance for about 10 months, and now i only have 4 months to go and i will be done. but she broke up with me, a week ago. i do not know the reason of her doing that, but i know that there is still something between us, the long distance just became to hard to handle. i really need advice on how to win her heart back if i can.

But what hurts the most, that he kept some pictures on facebook, connected to me, such as a really cute cat he drew for my birthday. And it was still there yesterday. But today i saw he deleted it. So he is still in the deleting mode, and i don’t know why! I don’t want to look obsessed, but i saw today he liked a pic with the sentence “If you love her/him, you let ger/him go. If she/he loves you, she/he will come back.”

While there’s a chance you won’t like what they have to say, getting input from a trusted friend or family member will bring a new perspective to your dilemma. Limit the number of people you seek help from to two or three, though.  Hearing too many opinions will muddle your thoughts even more than they were in the first place.

My question is: what’s the best timing to send the e-mail? Isn’t it overwhelming around holiday time? Shall I just extend NC until he’s back in town? Maybe I could combine it with wishing him happy holidays and happy birthday?

a. Learning from the affair: Peter wrote out the series of misteps that he had allowed himself to take down the road to sexual betrayal. He listed what had motivated each step — and also what would have been far better options for responding to his concerns at each point in the pathway. He identified the specific situational, thoughts and feeling cues that triggered each step, and the alternative action he would take in the future in response to each cue.

Money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Couples worry and argue about it constantly. If you find you and your spouse are starting to badger each other over the bottom line, it’s time to have a penny-pinching powwow. “We are all guilty of something economists call ‘passive decision-making,’ which just means defaulting to the easy option,” says Jenny Anderson, coauthor of Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. “Couples need to make an active plan about how they will manage their money: Combine it? Separate it? Create a joint account and keep some separate? Whatever the decision, both people have to be part of the decision to do it and then figure out what needs to be done to keep the system humming.”

7 days ago he broke up with me. Reason for breaking up was that he doesn’t have time for me, that he isn’t sure what he wants, maybe it’s other girls, but he has everything he wants with me, so he needs time to think. But I think that he has someone else now.

If you try to convince your ex that this new person is not right for them, it’s only going to make them want it more (think of telling someone to not press a button and they’ll definitely want to press it). They might even let the rebound relationship run longer just to prove you wrong.

***Recently started dating someone I’ve known for a while. I always knew she had a thing for me and I was also attracted to her so I thought I would give it a shot. This time around, she’s the one that really likes me and I’m just going with the flow and taking it step by step (compared to my previous relationship). I’m also learning a ton from this relationship and realizing many things from my previous one with my ex. I still catch bad habits that I use to to do with my ex, but more importantly I have much more empathy for my ex. The bad thing about this relationship is, the more imtimate I get with my current girlfriend, the more I realize I’m still in love with my ex…

What can be done to avoid this type of loss? The fatalists I’ve interviewed believed: “If it didn’t work the first time it wasn’t meant to be.” They give up control to a greater power. I’m a bit more existential. I believe we have choices and that the clearer and more honest we are about what we want, and the less internal conflict we have about getting it, the sooner we can make an appropriate choice. That said, if you’re not truly sure you want to win the Super Bowl, or you feel uncomfortable being a champion, then you may very well let the opportunity slip by—an opportunity that may never come your way again. In praise of icons everywhere.

Hi Andilla, Definitely, I’ve seen this work to bring couples back together! That’s why I wrote the blog. This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite. It’s not going to work for every relationship – but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. No one wants to get back into a relationship that doesn’t work…people want change, they want assurance of change so that they can trust you again and build something better. When it comes to friends with your ex? That depends on the relationship. :-)…