Hi! I broked up with my boyfriend one month and a week ago, I broked up with him because he became distant with no reason, he was being very dry with me and I always asked him if I was being a good girlfriend and he always said that I was perfect. We didn’t have any problems during our relationship of 3 months. So, I broked up with him through a text “I don’t want to be with you anymore” and he replied that it was a good relationship but we were having many issues and that life made it complicated, so it was better to break up. I don’t know if I want him back because he became distant out of the blue, he didn’t call me or text me as much as before and he said “he was busy with his job” but I knew he had free time. I just want to know why he didn’t want to be with me if things were going well between us, I don’t know what my mistake was. I haven’t talked to him since we broked up, I deleted him from social media that day because I didn’t want him to talk to me. What did I do wrong in the relationship? Should I text him or should I let it go? Thank you, merry Christmas!!

At the same time, in most abuse situations that I have worked with it is important for the partner also to learn to talk cooperatively. If the partner is sustaining needlessly provocative dialogue habits, that’s a big mistake.

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. This specific article was last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on December 20, 2014.

My suggestion is to complete 30 days of No Contact and spend this time to focus on all these things you’ve mentioned. Once you’ve picked yourself up from this and think you’ve at least improved from the last time she saw you, then you could contact her again if you really want her back.

If you scored 3 or 4 points, it sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs of an abusive relationship. Don’t ignore these red flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect, it takes work! But in a healthy relationship, you won’t find abusive behaviors. If you think your relationship may not be as healthy as you deserve, chat with a www.loveisrespect.org peer advocate to get more information.

For years Peter had reacted to Paulette’s complaints about him with defensiveness. When he did allow himself to hear information about what he was doing that troubled his wife, he’d get mad at himself.  Listening to her had escalated his agitation and distress instead of leading to learning. Now Peter decided he’d better address her concerns, beginning by writing out a list of all he could recall. “Information is power,” he reminded himself to ease the sting of shame and guilt. 

The quiz has been thoroughly tested and fine-tuned, so if you answer all questions honestly, the results should prove helpful. (This is not a scientific tool, though, and accuracy is not guaranteed. Please use this quiz for entertainment purposes only.)

hi my ex broke up with me about a week ago, but she still lives with me, we help each other out financially until i get another job after christmas, shes going out meeting new guys now, how should i conduct the no contact rule in my situation? and what should i do whilst shes here?

I broke up with my ex two weeks ago and he begged for me and cried and I took him back! Because I thought we could work this out. He dumped me 5 days ago because he didn’t feel like “himself” when meanwhile he’s been acting distant, rude, and cruel. I want him back and am meeting him tomorrow. However I have been texting sad things but I’m trying not too. It’s not over for me. I love him.

Hi there I need your help. My girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago. We pretty much argued a lot lately and she and I both had enough. I broke up with her in aug and we got back together. We pretty much argue about the same things. One major problem being her ex (child father) he would send her explicit things and we argued about that and the fact every chance he got he was hitting on her. To me she always made excuses for him saying take couldn’t block him or stop him because they had to communicate for child. To me seemed that she like him chasing her. She said I didn’t trust her but I’ve caught her in so many lies. Another large problem was she would sometimes lie about things..I couldn’t trust her which is one reason I didn’t want her communicating with oneone else. She said I was jealous and have a bad attitude. I felt she made me have one by not respecting our relationship and by entertaining other people. Anyways.. she broke up with me recently and says we will never work.. she said I didn’t care about her health or financial issues .. but lately she has me been pushing me away.. we work together so it’s hard to avoid her. I love her and want her back. We hit a bad patch and I’m willing to change. She has been flirting openly with another Co worker which I told her was disrespectful. Also same day we broke up I found out she slept with her ex. She denied it at first until I provided proof. I’m not innocent, I did flirt with someone else in her face while we were together to show her how it feels.. she hated but that was my point. I didn’t want her to break up with me..When we first broke up I didn’t everything this website said not to do. I even I friended her in Facebook which really pissed her off and she blocked my phone#. It’s only been 2 1/2 days since I’ve done the no contact things.. it’s driving me crazy and I can’t tell where her head is. I feel like I should be chasing her. Is this too far gone? Can I get her back?? So I leave it alone? It’s driving me crazy not being with her and not knowing what she is doing with other people

My ex and i got back together a week ago. It was very rough. I didnt give him enough space and he said he didnt feel comfortable seeing me after i asked if i could. This was the second time i asked. The first was to just make ammends and be friends. And it was the hardest i could do but i knew id see him at an event we were both going to and i didnt want it to be awkward. He avoided me every which way at this event even purposefully walking away with his friends in front of me. Hurting me very much. I messaged him thay day explaining im sorry if i hurt you in anyway but when i said i want to be friends i didnt mean it its too hard and i still miss everything. After a week after this horrible event i messaged him to see me. Explaining i know i pushed you away but i would rly appreciate it. He replied saying sorry but we do not need a 3 part break up and last time i saw you i didnt hear you talking but your friend..im sorry i dnt feel comfortbale seeing you again. I then blew up his phone with messages saying im me im not my friend and i wrote a letter to him spilling my whole heart (he knows i write stuff out when i rly mean something) i just wanted to give him that letter and move on. I ended up going to his house announced that same day…:/..i know it was dumb. I had to just read it tho and move on. He opened the door i read it to him and he held my hand and let me in. We sat on his balcony for 6 hrs talking. He told me he isnt going to kick me out and he wants me to stay but that nothing is going to change. Later on we talked and talked and i told him i think its time for me to leave i got up but he pulled me to him and said he rly needs someone right now too. By some miracle he said we can make this work. We kissed and he said he has missed me so much and all these nice things…only to ask me to comeover 2 days later and break up with me..again. i was by then heartbroken. He said he messed up and isnt a good person that he was worried about me and he didnt know what to do and that i stressed him out. I said im sorry and couldnt move for a little. I cried a little having a near panic attack. He wouldnt even look at me. I left. Devastated. I wrote him a mean text saying you used me and dony ever do this to any girl u love ever again bye. Only regretting it after and 2 days later sending a message saying I do not beileve you used me…i know you loved me. I wish i wouldve said that i know you need to focus on yourself and your needs and same for me. I havent messaged him since. I didnt apologize i didnt blame but i didnt want my last word for him to think what i rly didnt mean. I know i am on and off and i promise i am not bipolar or a stalker…i was so hurt i let my emotions take over. I dnt expect him to reply. And i dnt want him too. I want to move on so badly…i am now now not contacting him. Period. I know i was alot too much and pushed him away even more…but will he ever…ever talk to me again?

she’s on a year programe in another city, we see once in a month. which isn’t enough closure for me. she’s been on this program for about 5months now. I feel due to this she lost attraction towards me, as we only see once a month, and our calls or texts ended up in arguments.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

I have this huge crush on a girl and she talks to me a lot and we are in the same classroom and on the same bus and when she gets off the buss she says bye. I have only one problem 1.i don’t know any of her friends only one. This test is saying she rely likes me but I don’t know what to believe. Dose anyone have any advice?

Hey I’m a girl who is 29 years in love with a man who is 43 years he didn’t broke up with me He just told me that he need a break and we are working together at the same company he is my General manager and I love him I want him back what can I do to get him back to me?????

Its been 2 weeks ive started the no contact rule. I broke it once on Christmas day wishing her a merry Christmas. She didn’t reply ive left it alone. Just wondering how long untill i make contact with her again and ive make successful changes and avhieved my goals I’ve made.. just want to know how to approach and what to say to her.. Regards Theo Thanks.

“I was hurting from my relationship break up a day before doing the quiz. I cried all day and wanted to get back with my ex boyfriend who fell in love with another girl. After doing the quiz, I learned it was best we were apart and it helped me move on xoxo”

I broke up with my ex because I didn’t feel ready for a serious relationship (we were 16) and now a year later I realised I truly loved him and I want him back so badly, but he’s now dating my friend and I don’t want to upset her…

Although you say you don’t want a serious relationship and only want a friends with benefit type of thing, it seems to me that your emotions say otherwise, or else you wouldn’t really mind or care if he was talking to others or had walls since it should not matter. I think that you need to be more aware as well if you’re trying to push someone away, as sometimes we do that in the form of picking fights or faults with our partner. I suggest just focusing on yourself first to work on whatever issues you may have and build yourself back up before considering any relationship.

For instance, in the future when he was traveling for business and staying alone in hotels he would plan ahead what to do in the evenings: phone his wife, work on his computer, read, watch his favorite TV shows.  He would NOT go to the hotel bar. If he met people in the lobby, if the acquaintances were women he would speak with them briefly and then say goodbye.  He would go out to dinner only with men friends.  If women joined them, he would not engage in one-on-one conversations with them. Alcohol, private time with women plus loneliness and a disconnected relationship with his wife had been a dangerous combination for him. 

Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out. Make sure to check the boxes to record your responses. At the end, you’ll find out how to score your answers.

Dr. Heitler, what a great article! These are really good tips, I will definitely read this again before I see him. This is exactly the kind of positivity I want to emulate with him. I am very willing to put any pressures aside and just focus on trying to rekindle a new relationship where we trust and enjoy each other again.

Hello, after a relationship of 2 years with my bestfriend (since 5 years) I heard from one of his mate he was already with this girl from his class. I taught she was a rebound because 3 weeks after the breakup they already were dating. My ex told me that he would tell me if he has a new girlfriend but he never told about her. But now I think she is more than a rebound.. It’s been 2 months and they follow the familymembers on instagram. I don’t understand him, why doesn’t he just tell me he has a new girlfriend? I’m the kind of person who wants always the best for the other person. I told him I want him to be happy, even if it’s not me who makes him happy. We had a fight last month because I still had contact with one of his best friends. He told me he could not party with me on NYE because he couldn’t be drunk in the same room as me (we have a lot of common friends). I wrote him a letter to say I’m okay with the breakup and I think it’s for the best to give each other space. He didn’t respond on the letter, but after that he puts more snapchats in our friends group to make me look at it. I don’t understand him?

A link to your quiz results report will be emailed to you immediately. This results report will include your score and a detailed breakdown of where you stand with your ex and what your next steps should be.

I’m on day 31 of no contact. You told me to do 45 day no contact. I was on holiday: I’m back now and I feel extra worse, the worst ever. I miss him so much but I feel he’s still bitter and the no contact work. Can you please help? Obv after 45 days I have to do the text message but how do I do it if I’ve already sent a no contact message last month after 26 days of no contact? What do I say? And what if he doesn’t reply. Please help. Why am I feeling emotional worse? And he hasn’t even contacted me

You are single and seeking, yet your search for Mr. or Ms. Right is always going wrong. You’re thinking about surfing the Web in your quest for that special someone, but is online dating for you? Take the quiz and find out.

Break ups are tough. Trying to figure out what a guy may be thinking AFTER the break up…well, sometimes that can be even tougher. Hopefully, this quiz can give you a better understanding on whether or not your ex-boyfriend really wants you back

A Part of Hearst Digital Media Cosmopolitan participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means Cosmopolitan gets paid commissions on purchases made through our links to retailer sites.

That’s good Emily, initiate No Contact first and give both parties some space to let go of any negative emotions or thoughts. He may very well be serious about the possibility of working out, but that’s definitely not something that can be achieved right now.