So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.
Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.
Hi thanks for the great advice! Also it’s hard with the NC rule due to we work together. Just today I talked with her for the first time in 4 days only because I have to at work. Although I said hello and merry Christmas, it was still strictly only work related . She was very dry with me even though it was only work related.
Many texts went back and forth he stated he was in a bad place he is drinking too much and angry at his ex. he said his heart wasn’t in it with me. He asked me to give him time, he said he wanted me to meet the real him and not the angry guy he is now. He wants to bring me on romantic weekends away and surprise dates when he gets his head straight. He stated he was only dating me and had no interest in dating sites. He asked me to give him time stating he really liked me. I asked him to delete any naughty texts etc we sent each other he said he was sad deleting them and would miss spending time with me. I did did not reply two hours later he texted again asking me to give him time and said please don’t hate me. I told him to sort his head out and id look forward to meeting the real him but told him not to take too long. He said he wouldn’t as he really liked me. All his messages were signed off with an x.
What should I need to do ? I am on day 8 of no contact it’s really hard specially I am seeing him online all the time. We’ve been together for 7 years. But recently for the past 2 years we do not see each other in person due to long distance tho we’ve been seeing each other in webcam. We had some argument he keeps telling we are going to see each other in person but he never make plan. I find out Jan 1st this year he traveled to Dubai to spend vacation with Indonesian girl.(before that incident I caught him sexting with that girl, that Indonesian lady asking him to send her a porn he said they haven’t see each other yet and the girl was virgin he said it was nothing ugh I’m so stupid to believe)
my ex travelled to the US about a year ago for his masters but he came back two months ago for my birthday here in Nigeria. we were so much in love while he was away and even before he left Nigeria.we had sex for the first time after he came back but he broke up with me on the grounds that I am materialistic. I don’t know what to do
Hello I’m a 21 year old and been in a relationship with a 27 year old guy for 4 years. He broke up with me about 4 months back… well he didn’t really dump me , he just told me he was having problems that i wasn’t gonna be able to stand for and he then stopped contacting me.I somehow still think he was seeing someone else.!! I begged him to talk ,left hin so many messages but he never replied to any of them. I’d call him and he wouldn’t pick up My calls.. He really hurt me, that after so many times I’ve asked him to tell me where the problem was he just didn’t wann hear anything from me. He is now starting to contact me. Asking to see me and that he nevr stopped loving me, that he was just having so much problems and he can’t live without me. He’s asking me to give us a chance. I love him so much but again I don’t wann worry every day thinking he’d have problems again and decides to leave me. I just don’t trust him anymore. What should I do ..?plz help!
Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.
No. You shouldn’t answer your ex’s call. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call.
Peter discovered that if he wanted to talk with his wife, he would get the best results if he asked from a stance of self-respect. He tried asking if she would meet him for coffee. She replied, “Sure!” In fact, the groveling and self-deprecation that Peter had learned as a child were the opposite of what his wife wanted. The more confidently he addressed her, the more positively she responded.
Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago. We didn’t have any contact with each other until one of our close friends set us up to talk in person two months ago. He apologized, for in a way “hurting my feelings” when he dumped me but I didn’t respond. After it took him a month to actually talk to me since we’re both in our last year of high school. After that he’s always found a reason to talk to me and even asked our friend for my social media but I try to stay away because I still have feelings for him, but he has a girlfriend. I don’t want to break them up because he seems so happy and in love, and it’s all I ever wanted for him, as well as it being a stupid reason to try to break them up, it’s messed up. I missed him being back in my life, but I don’t know if I want to push him away again because of my feelings, aswell as I don’t want him to feel as if I hate him or something. I want him back I really do, but I don’t wanna ruin our friendship because we did agree to stay friends. What should I do?
I don’t think you messed up NC, but rather she’s confused right now over what she wants. It might be a good idea to find out more, since NC is complete and if she isn’t that serious with whoever she’s going out with, I think still winning her back would be the right move.
Continue with no contact and work on picking yourself up and improving the aspects of your life. At least from there, you’ll be able to find more meaning at happiness and eventually even learn to be happy without her. If she comes back into your life, it’ll be a bonus and at least you’ve mentally prepared yourself and would be capable of walking away in the event that she doesn’t.
1. Give yourself some time to grieve. I know how hard it is to be happy after a breakup. I remember I was a complete mess for at least two weeks. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex all day. In a way, this period is necessary for you. You give yourself some time to grieve everyday. If you want to feel sad and sorry for yourself, go ahead and do it. But make sure you also do something everyday to make yourself feel good about yourself.
As he saw the impact of his new listening skills Peter all the more conscientiously dug into learning all he could from his relationship skills book, workbook and online program. He realized that prior to the relationship breakup he had had no idea of what a high-skilled activity sustaining a loving partnership was. Now that he understood the potency of collaborative dialogue, conflict resolution and emotional self-regulation skills he studied intensely every night as if he was preparing for exams.
Hi Ryan, dude where are you? I really need your help. I’m really trying to not a mistake here man. It’s been maybe half a month since the NC.. it’s been working like a charm.. couples days ago my ex sees me at work and days I looked good and like I’ve changed..also that I was happy. She text me that same day saying how much she missed my presence in her life, how she missed her best friend. I didn’t respond and then she text me a photo saying remember the good times.. also said she was going thru her phone deleting pics of us and didn’t know which to keep. I then replied I miss you too. We started chatting back in forth and remembering all the good things. She texted me all night. Then the next day says she loves me and misses.. I tell her too. We talked a lot about how much we loved one another. Don’t know if that was a right move ..yesterday she sends me a message at work that was a song. “Baby while were young , let’s do what we want, I want you, you’re mine and I don’t care who’s know it, I’m down for you” just a few things she sent me! I’m confused because after work I waited to talk with her but she ran out quickly and I’m sure when went to meet up with someone else. She didn’t go home last night. She also didn’t text me anymore.. so confusing what’s going on.. not sure what to do or expect! Please help dude! I really want her back and I can’t tell if I messed up the NC rule. She definitely has been seeing someone else lately. Please write me back soon.. she wants to me up tonight to go eat. Don’t know if I should go
Broke up with your boyfriend? Wondering if he still has feelings for you? Wondering if you two should get back together? What are the chances that you two can salvage the relationship and is it worth it? Remember that no situation is impossible, I know from the loads of e-mails I receive that people are getting back together every day. This ex boyfriend quiz will help you figure out how he feels.
You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.
Note also that therapy is virtually always more potent if the couple goes together for some of the sessions. Paulette, after initial reluctance, decided to schedule sessions with Peter’s therapist as well. They sometimes saw the therapist separately, and sometimes together which helped them to recognize and rectify the problematic patterns in their prior interactions. When both partners participate in a process of growth, the odds zoom up that the outcome will be positive for both of them.
To take the questionnaire, please click the radio button next to the selection which best reflects how each statement applies to you. The items refer to your experience of your partner’s behaviour during your relationship. (Please be sure to check the Additional Information and Note on Validity below.)
My ex blocked me on Facebook and my number after a fight we got into about him by having time to see me. I apologized for being clingy and he told me in was hard to keep up with it. I know he’s divorcing and had a hard go of it, but is there any way he will come back? I feel like I lost the love of my life.
After a week of no real communication we got together for a chat where he said that he didn’t want to cut me completely out of his life but didn’t want a full-on relationship at the moment but proposed that we began dating again to see if we could “reignite the spark” with no real idea of where it might lead. It could lead to us getting back together it might not… but we would be exclusive to each other .
Yes, you pushed him, but on the other hand, he used you! Let’s make things clear for a second, I am a guy and he is too, we get sexually frustrated and we don’t know what’s taking us, so we may say things and do things we don’t really mean, a word of advice, leave him be, don’t call hi, don’t text him and if he’s going to attend a social gathering, then, don’t go!
“I was hurting from my relationship break up a day before doing the quiz. I cried all day and wanted to get back with my ex boyfriend who fell in love with another girl. After doing the quiz, I learned it was best we were apart and it helped me move on xoxo”
You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)
You’re overthinking it.. The nc rule is for you to focus in yourself, so that when you initiate and try to rebuild rapport, you’ll be thinking rationally instead of being emotional. We only recommend up to three tries after nc.. after that if it doesn’t go well, that means it would be better to move on.
Its 16 day today and im pretty sure he is still stalking on my blog. Its really driving me crazy. I wanna know what is he thinking and how he feels about me. I tried my best to stop the crave of contacting him i really donknow whats going on.
By the way, the best results I’ve seen for people with abusive anger is with the energy therapy techniques of Bradley Nelson, which Dale Petterson in my office does for my clients. It’s quite amazing how these techniques seem to pull the anger out by the roots….though multiple interventions plus conventional couple and individual treatment have to be part of the treatment strategy.