My ex broke up with me in Febuary this year while I was at overseas. We were together for 8 months. I was planned to work at overseas for 6 months from January. we didn’t talk much during that period of time because I know he work really hard and long hours( at least 8 hours a day sometimes 12 hours),I texted him every 2 days or 3 days and he barely replied. He broke up with me said because of a lack of common interest and culture crash. we were in a really long distance relationship.

Ok thanks Ryan! Also we had a phone call recently just chit chat, it was a pleasant phone call I meantioned that I’m going away at the end of the week and if he wanted to see me, he said he feels pressured? And he doesn’t know, maybe another time then? I don’t know what he’s trying to communicate to me, as we’ve been texting for around a month and a phone call last night. At the end of the phone call we said it was nice to hear your voice and he said it was nice to hear your voice too. He sounded really depressed. I’m not sure if he needs more time? I’ve always been a go getter and he’s more relaxed and goes with the flow. could you explain what he means by pressured? Do I just give more time? My gut instinct and the way he sounded on the phone told me he missed me? Thanks

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. This specific article was last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on December 20, 2014.

Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.

Yes if you haven’t done NC before, and have still been in contact with him through the 3 months, it might be better to actually proceed with the No Contact rule to separate yourself from the situation.

One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It’s not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.

If you guys have been broken up for about 2 months since, and she still has not replied you,you might have to consider the fact that she has moved on. If you’re prepared to wait it out and chase her again, then I suggest giving her a little more time before you try reconnecting once again.

If your score and your partner’s score is above 80, congratulations! You are reasonably happy in your relationship. You might enjoy enhancing the strengths in your relationship. Otherwise, there is need for some improvement in your relationship.

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

Note also that therapy is virtually always more potent if the couple goes together for some of the sessions. Paulette, after initial reluctance, decided to schedule sessions with Peter’s therapist as well.  They sometimes saw the therapist separately, and sometimes together which helped them to recognize and rectify the problematic patterns in their prior interactions.  When both partners participate in a process of growth, the odds zoom up that the outcome will be positive for both of them.  

I am sorry if my reply was not very coherent. I do realize that I should not be so worried about what to send, that a single message can make it or break it, but at the same time that is what your website is about, the reality is that it does make all the difference.

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Prior to that though, ask yourself why she didn’t show respect, it probably has got to do with the way you acted around her. If you were too needy in the previous relationship with her, you invited her to walk all over you. If that was the case, you will have to work on your masculine qualities and remove the needy behavior and instead present her with a more confident version of yourself. You should have done this work on you during the NC period.

When a relationship ends either both parties end up hating each other, they continue to care for one another but acknowledge it will never work and move in their own directions, or one continues to pine for the other. The last scenario is always the most difficult (at least, for the one pining) and can make an already painful process even more brutal. Sometimes, however, these cases do come to a happy conclusion and the other person also decides the relationship is worth fighting for. But how can you know if this is the way your story will unfold?