“You look amazing. You smell amazing. You look like you are doing great in your life. You look like you’ve been working out. You look happy. You look confident, sexy, fun and attractive. You look like a catch. Why did I break up with you again?” – Your Ex

Well Its been 3 months. I did reach out with a text to wish him Happy Holidays. He responded with the same. He then has been liking my Facebook posts and even commented. I feel he wants to be in contact with me.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

Writing down his painful feelings helped to free Peter from continuously thinking of them. Writing and then talking with his therapist about his thoughts enabled him to let go of beating himself up in anger and also of drowning himself in self-pity.

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

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I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

Alice, Your comment highlights a vital point. Upgrading skills only works if BOTH partners are willing to make skill upgrades. If only the partner of the abuser is making changes, the odds of success are close to zero. Worse, becoming more assertive with a violent partner can be downright dangerous.

However, my ex boyfriend is not currently at the table with me on this one since we are broken up. (He is not ignoring me or saying we will never be together again, but is making it very clear that our relationship is over.) I have been very clingy in the past and ‘convinced him’ to stay with me when there were problems. I think he is worried I will keep doing that so he keeps telling me that it is definitely over.

We’re both in school so things started to get stressful a month in. We fought once a week then multiple times a week, all on text. I feel we started to focus on positive things less, he said he didn’t feel connected as much but everytime we saw each other, it’s like we hadn’t fought. We both acknowledged we couldn’t see each other to work things out as much. After another fight, he broke it off, saying we fought too much, didn’t feel trust, school/finals stress, & that we should take a break. We kept talking for like 2 weeks after saying we could work things out & even saw each other a week after the breakup. It felt like we still really wanted to make it work. That last time I saw him, he mentioned this classmate who he was talking about past relationships with (including ours) & I didn’t like it but didn’t think anything of it. She is 18 & he said he’d never be interested in her since she’s young, stuck-up, & have nothing in common. I mentioned a guy my friend was trying to set me up with to help me move on (I told my ex I wasn’t interested) but he didn’t like it. A week later, we got into the worst fight after my other ex messaged me after months (but I told him I denied him) then we didn’t talk for 2.5 weeks.

We dated for some months then had a break,became back begging and crying,after a thought I gave in to a second chance.Everything was OK but we usually have quarrels and settle later but with the last one he said we should have some time apart so he can think.I miss him so much,we communicate at times,I told him am moving on but its not easy. I think about him everyday.I really miss him.I told him I miss him and he said he was very sorry for hurting me but I don’t know what next to do.I keep concluding that he has another girl he loves though he has not told me .I just need advice on how we can get back and be happy again.I really miss him

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Your articles have been a big help. I (29 years old with past relationship experiences) met an almost divorced guy on dating app who lives in a city 700 miles away. I considered the dangers but it has been a while for him, he will be finally divorced in a month. We hit it off vert well, we discussed we were going fast, and we decided to continue but very slow. We mutually decided to meet also. The travel plan was for me to fly. And we booked the tickets 10 days in advance. On the day of flight, he messages me not to come. And then adds “Don’t bother replying or calling. Have good luck.” I suffer from severe anxiety and abandonment issues. So I was shocked but I still kept my cool, and tried to talk to him, figuring out what it means. He didn’t say anything until after I cancelled my flight in the evening when he succinctly says he is sorry but it is overwhelming. Now I know it’s more about him not being ready. But I also can’t stop wondering that I could have gone more slow, and done more things to make sure he doesn’t feel overwhelmed. But nevertheless he never replied anymore and it seems we are over. I am treating it as a break up. And plan to follow your suggestion of not contacting him for at least 30 days and then texting him. I have dated and been with some good men too with whom it just didn’t work. So I know the different connections and with this man I see a future. Not in a desperate way where I will act out of fear but in a way I know it’s a rare good connection. So I want it to work. When he is ready I want him to contact me. I want him to miss me, but like I said he is divorced and exactly after a month (my 30 day) is his divorce day. Now throughout our dating, he has always talked about his hardships about the whole divorce, once he was on call with me for 7 hours, on a divorce court date. He shared when he got the final divorce date too. So my question to you is that after my 30 day of no contact, it’s that final divorce court date when he will be finally free as he puts it. Should I do my first text on that date? Or wait for a few more days? I must agree I am worried to lose him. Because I am a little odd person. It’s rare for me to find a connection. I find it with him. But I remember your article about two kinds of people. I have worked hard at being the second kind, but my fears are very strong. So I am confused as to how I should approach the whole thing! Yesterday I was good in not texting him back a lot, until it was night when I sent two long messages spaced a few hours apart. Immediately after that he went invisible on whatsapp. I know it was for me. But I haven’t messaged him at all after that and I will not. That’s where your post helped me a lot. I really struggle in these kinds of situations. I do well if communication was very straight but it is not so often. I hope you can help me.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.