I lost my girlfriend of two years. I was and still am in love with her. I turned in to a bully, and, not physically, but mentally hurt her. I never wanted to be that guy. I told her once before it would never happen again, but my emotions for the best of me and I blew up again. This time I have changed, but two weeks later she is with a guy that she didn’t like for a long time. I want her back. We give the same public bus to college, and so does that other guy. I want her back, and I want her to see the real me that she loved at first a long time ago. What do I do?

Thank you for your share. I know how difficult it can be when trying to get back with an ex after years apart. You mentioned school. How old are the two of you? I would continue with the distance, as it’ll show her what she’s losing. We as humans have a tendency to really want things once they’re taken away from us. I know it’s hard, but it can make all the difference.

Getting your ex back under special circumstances is something that I really wanted to address for those of you whose ex left for someone else, or for those who broke up during or after a long distance relationship.

Once you re-gain control over your emotions then in the 2nd step you will find out reasons and causes that lead to breakup. You just can’t go to old relationship with just a simple apology. You have to fix the old problem that leads to breakup to win your ex back once again.

Hi ive been dating my partner for 6 months now. Everything was going perfect for us both.she fell pregnant and i proposed and we got engaged what we both wanted we were both so happy.she decided to have an abortion due to we both wernt financially stable and didnt plan the pregnancy.its was an emotional time for both of us individually. I unfortunately didnt show her support or comfort her during this life changing experience and i made a regretful unmeanful decision and broke up with her.we have been separated for 2 months now and we meet up a month ago caught up for 2 days she mentioned her feelings we still there altho she doesnt want any comments on a relationship at this stage. Until i become more stable and fix some issues i have in my life.I have acknowledged my behavior as i was expressing my hurt emotions and feelings towards her and i begged alittle and didny get me anywhere.. she isnt respondingto my messages or call I’ve respect our situation and havnt its been bit over 2 weeks ive made no contact,until Christmas day i wished her a merry Christmas i didnt get a reply. Im making positive changes in my life and improving my issues. I need some professional guidance and advice aswell as steps to reconnect with my ex.. I sincerely appreciate your understanding and support. Regards Theo

It’s time to set some bad memories on fire. Literally. Sometimes hanging on to those “Do you remember the time you did such and such?” moments are the things that lead to relationship sabotage. Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them. “Write them all down on a piece of paper. Then set a timer for a certain amount of time. It might be 10 minutes. It might be 30. It might be the whole day. The point is: Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. Savor them. Get angry about them. Mutter about them. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them,” says Bowman. “Once you are done, say, ‘I will not think about these anymore. These grudges have lost their usefulness.'” Then take a match and burn them.

Another case of her realizing that she’s ‘got you’, and that the challenge in you has been defeated. Boredom sets in for her from here and then it’s just a matter of time until you find yourself going to a search engine and typing how to get a girl back.

You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.

In the first part of this 3 STEP PLAN, I am going to tell you what are the biggest mistakes that people make after they’ve broken up. These extremely common mistakes end up hurting your chances of getting back together. This is perhaps the most important part of this series so make sure you read each and every point and follow it.

Having life goals and a passion is not only attractive to girls; it’s also a huge confidence booster and therapeutic. If you are working on something you care about; your mind will focus on only that and you will forget about everything else.

One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It’s not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.

3. A man must stop feeling sorry for himself, like he is a victim of a heartless, contentious wife. He must see himself as perpetrator of hurt – not a victim of rejection. Self-pity will pollute a man’s prayers, and create an “odor” which his wife smells every time she relates with him.

A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.

That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.

Here’s one piece of advice that will help you heal faster and in the process, or get him back (even though you probably won’t want him at that point). Drop all that yearning and pining now, and just move on.  

You may feel like you are important, but you also have to convey that you are important and that your feelings have value. This is going to be very attractive to him. Show him that you are happy with yourself and make it known that you love yourself.

Just imagine a scenario where you don’t want to talk to a person and they are sending you a text message every 5 minutes. Your inbox is filled with hundreds of messages by them, even though you haven’t replied to even one. And later on at night, that person gets drunk and calls you and start saying complete and utter non-sense. What would you think of that person? Would it make you want to start a new relationship with them?

There are certain rules to follow in order to write an efficient letter and in order for your letter to have the intended effect. You need to make sure that you have clearly identified what will be the overarching purpose of this letter. You need to communicate around no more than 3 key talking points or topics. Your letter cannot be too long; ideally around a page.