I really love your blogs, they make a lot of sense, and I need your help with something. I’m 39 years old and I’m engaged to a woman I adore. Here’s my problem, she nags me all the time. I want to be there for her but it feels like she’s always demanding so much time and energy. I know you’re supposed to “compromise” in a relationship but it seems like I’m making all the sacrifices and I’m starting to feel like this relations…
I would like to ask you if you could help me out with a piece of advise about how could I rebuild attraction without him realizing what I am doing? He knows my tricks and methods, so I would need new ones but don’t have a clue what should I do to charm him but still be myself. I would like to build up at least a little bit of attraction till March, as I will be in his town for a week, and I know that that week will be decisive in what will happen next. Could you please give me some examples or a direction how should I approach him in a romantic way without scaring him?
A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.
I understand this time can be difficult. I would suggest to reevaluate the relationship as a 180 and see the ways she wanted you to be there so she felt supported. Show her that you are doing this now through actions will catch her attention. Also, you want to be sure that your confident and uplifting when you are around her. Establish a friendship and when you see she is starting to reciprocate then flirt with her a little.
I think since she sees you as a friend, its within your role to create certain sparks to get her interested and build upon that with her. Instead of NC again, which didn’t seem to change her attitude, how about this time around, you could try thinking back to when you first dated her at the beginning and how you won her heart. Perhaps it may work again?
Again, I would say, it doesn’t matter if your reasons for getting anger are valid or not. What important is, you should acknowledge these reasons to recover from them instead of allowing them to control your life and relationship.
…category B here contains the exact opposite behaviors of Category A. In Category A, those behaviors are try hard (too hard). But here in B, these are the behaviors of a guy who hasn’t given enough, so the girl doesn’t consider this guy as having long-term potential either.
My partner walked out on me about three weeks ago. I came home form work to find a note. We have been having a tough time financially as I was out of work for a while. This did cause arguments but it didnt stop me loving him. The last three months I have been working flat out to get the money in to get us back on track. he then started complaining that I was always tired and didnt spend enough time talking or cuddling him. I kept saying that by the end of feb we would be back on track and I can pull back on the over time. He has walked out on me fair few times before but always has come back after a week. This time he has found somewhere else to live. I have tried to talk to him rationally about things but he just shouts and screams at me and says he doesnt love me any more. He isnt the same man I met. I love him so much and I know he has his problems. I have had mine but I am currently getting counseling for them.
Since you guys shared a meaningful relationship, there would be a chance for you guys getting back together but you have to work on those issues first or the same problems would occur again. I suggest applying NC and spending time and focus on those issues like trust, insecurities and overthinking. Understand why you feel this way and try to change it. The best thing you can contribute in getting back together is to change yourself as that’s always the most effective.
Do you want to get back with your ex but you feel intimidated by how complex the situation seems to be? Have you maintained positive feelings towards your ex but just couldn’t manage to shift the dynamic quick enough in order to salvage your relationship and love…
My ex broke up with me in Febuary this year while I was at overseas. We were together for 8 months. I was planned to work at overseas for 6 months from January. we didn’t talk much during that period of time because I know he work really hard and long hours( at least 8 hours a day sometimes 12 hours),I texted him every 2 days or 3 days and he barely replied. He broke up with me said because of a lack of common interest and culture crash. we were in a really long distance relationship.
This is when I felt like I really met Mary. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t jealous, and I wasn’t distracted—I had a clear mind, and I loved her. She was the kind of girl I’d always call back, and always take out for dates, and always hold hands with. She’s the kind of girl I never want to be away from. I’d seen what life looked like without Mary (cue damp Jimmy Stewart shouting “Mahhhhrrrrrryyyyy, don’t you remember me Mary?” in It’s a Wonderful Life), and I had a new appreciation for her. I loved the person she had turned into: She had built a life for herself in New York and was the person I know she always wanted to be—she grew her bangs out, too, which I guess is a big thing for women?
I would like to share a comment with the dr. I experienced the separate therapist scenario and you are correct. the outcome is most certain to be divorce as was mine. Also in response to Alice. I read the book the verbally abusive relationship and although some people are prone to abuse, the author, in my opinion does not share or give any inspiration as does Susan. The author empowers women who need validation to end a relationship without having to do any work or communicate with there partner how verbal abuse may be affecting them. It’s an incurable disease according to the author, and a very easy way out of a relationship, as well as a way to exonerate oneself from any and or even partial responsibility for divorce. I guess what’s most important is verbal abuse is prevalent and can do serious harm to ones self esteem. it’s not a death sentence and once it’s brought to light, talked about and understood, can make a relationship stronger. If two people want to be together! Most times once a diagnosis is reached by an unhappy spouse, it’s over and this book, as I said before, is the validation needed because once you determine you have been verbally abused your free to go and take no responsibility as the Author points out it’s the fault of the abuser who has a death sentence and there fore you must get away.
Basically, she is emotionally unstable …but do you feel like giving her a second chance in lets say 6 months or a year, is a bad idea? Apparently she is at ease now with us being over as it was draining her. But she was apparently very hurt by what I said, and is now moving on and is at peace.
negative emotions and feelings are working against you, and will wind up pushing him away, while positive emotions and feelings will work for you, and magnetically draw him back to you. – yup, got that right!
Oo Kevin, pls help me. What i built up in the past month it crashed now in a minute. Yes, i was overthinking everything. But i started feeling stronger in the past weeks.. I forgot to tell that i had a friend request by a fake facebook which i didn’t accept, and in the past days i saw it is now deleted. And also he continued to post how happy he is all the time…But these just made me more stronger.
And it’s not just my personal experience. There are cases all over the Internet of people getting back together and staying in a happy relationship after that. Let’s look at some reasons where it would be a good idea to get back together.
Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!
Truthfully, you’ll never really know for sure unless you give it a shot. My current boyfriend and I broke up almost two years ago for a few months. Obviously, we ended up getting back together and I couldn’t be happier about that decision – our “new” relationship (which is how I refer to it) is a million times better than our old one. In my case, getting back with my ex was definitely worth it. If you’re thinking about rekindling an old romance, consider these things first. Here are eight ways to know if you should get back with your ex.
It’s not at all uncommon for couples to breakup for a bit before reuniting, but a second-chance isn’t for everyone. INSIDER asked relationship coach Tiya Cunningham-Sumter for some signs that you should seriously consider a reconciliation.
© Mojo Media, Inc. 2018 All rights reserved. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by Mojo Media, Inc.
You split for a reason…even if it’s hazy now. But you and your ex-ex need to face what went wrong the first time if you’re going to move forward, says couples therapist Robert Buchicchio, author of Taking Space, and then let it go, once and for all. Try hashing out the bigger points of what you want to do differently this time in a way that isn’t threatening, like “It would make me happy if…” and have him do the same.
If you try to convince your ex that this new person is not right for them, it’s only going to make them want it more (think of telling someone to not press a button and they’ll definitely want to press it). They might even let the rebound relationship run longer just to prove you wrong.
Once you are done, open your eyes and find the list you made in Anger Exercise above. Hold the envelope in your hand and feel how light it is. Things that putting the burden of tension on you is, as small and light as a feather.
And after the break up my ex husband indicated he wanted me back (we have two kids) but I refused because I want someone better. Also, interestingly right after the break-up my former neighbour asked me out for a drink through facebook. But I did not want to play with others since I am into my ex boyfriend. So I refused especially because I know that my neighbour would be serious about the relationship. He was trying with me previously, confessed his feelings but he is too simple for me: I mean he is not interested in deeper things and I am. So I refused him previously as well. And I am chatting with a guy who is quite interested in me. So as you can see I dont have to feel that I would not have any other chance. I am on dating sites. I am friendly and quite ok for my age. Also, i have 4 degrees. So I am not absolutely stupid. Men are attracted to me. And I am 38. I am after a 20 year long marriage so obviously I know my feelings for this guy wont last forever. I am not that naive. The main point is that: I would like one more chance with this guy because maybe we would get on very well if I try seriously. And since I realized that I need not only sex but someone who loves me and who I can love, at the end of the day I have to change my approach/behaviour anyway. So why not now and why not with this guy. It is not that easy to find someone who is interested in deep-speaking and still sober enough and who behaves in a loving way towards me. Also we were perfectly in synch in sex. So what else would I want? Of course maybe it wont work. I am realistic. I know this guy only for 3 months and we had fights. I am nornmally not an agressive type but I was the one who started the fight, he remained polite while I was swearing. This shows that I tried to protect myself from emotions. He realized that it is my fear but i did not want to realize. And you know I want this only if it works well. Basically I dont want this guy at any cost but I wanna see where it goes if I really try without fears. Maybe he is the right person for me.
Take a break from your ex-boyfriend. You may be dying to be back with your ex-boyfriend, but the worst thing you can do is hang around him incessantly, call him, or wink at him in class until he gets the picture. If you’re always around, he probably does get the picture, but it won’t be one that he likes. Instead, you should take a breather and stop hanging around him, at least for a few weeks or longer.
According to a survey of over 7,590 US adults conducted in San Francisco by Zogby International pollsters. The research found that people who stay happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to apologize to their partners as divorced or single people are. The survey found happily married people are 25% more likely to apologize first, even if they only feel partially to blame. The harder divorced and single people found it ever to apologize or make conciliatory gestures, the more likely they were to stay single.
In order to get your ex back and to tilt the balance of power in your favor sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back and to implement a radio silence. A no contact period of at least 3 weeks is the best way to shift the dynamic in your favor when yur ex is stuck in their ways or when they want absolutely nothing to do with you.
The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not as bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.
2. You also need some space and time. You need to get a hold of yourself and gain some perspective. The fact is, you are a mess after the breakup. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. It could be that you are just missing your ex. You need to learn to enjoy your life without your ex. You need to prove to yourself that you can be happy without your ex. You will eventually realize that you DON’T NEED YOUR EX to be happy. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something.
Hi Lauren, I’ve been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here’s my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I’ve flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we’d move to ireland for good when I retired since I’m the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I’m a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn’t think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. “If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?” I said no. “what about after five years to raise our kids?” I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that’s our plan. Or we’ll do what’s best for our fam…
My situation is a little different than most, we’ve been together for 5 years and he’s currently in the military now, he just ended things, with multiple reasoning but the last one was him saying he didn’t have time for a girlfriend nor did he want one. It’s been a week since we broke up and also a week of NC, I haven’t reached out, but is this going to work, is he really going to miss me even with us being so far away and his schedule being so hectic?? Please someone give me some advice…
Yeah you can’t rush into it when you’re trying to build trust and regain her confidence in you once more. Take it a step at a time and remember that the fact that she responds to you is already a good sign.