The end of your relationship sounds messy and fragmented and this can sometimes make us want us to go back and fix it, or do things differently – better. There certainly seems to be an unwillingness to let go. Does your ex have good support for her bipolar disorder? Do you feel responsible for her?

I know how it feels to wake up in the morning and have that moment before you even open your eyes where the reality of a world without your ex comes crashing down, and it feels hard to breathe. Or the feeling that you won’t be able to make it through the day, let alone the next hour. I know that feeling all too well, and it took months for it to go away. In fact, thinking and writing about it now is making me sad, and it’s been months since my breakup.

Keep in mind that a third of currently cohabiting and a fourth of married couples experienced a breakup at one point, so if your ex is still interested there is a good chance you will be able to win him or her back.[8]

Be aware that if you text or email messages to your ex about how much agony you’re in without her, she may use this as something to laugh at with her friends or be petty about. Stick to facts if you must contact her, such as “Your stuff is in the box at the front door of my sister’s house. Collect tomorrow or she will take it to the thrift store next day.”

my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up wit me 5days ago without no reason. she is a Muslim Y I’m a christian. she said that her mum said that she cannot date christian and I converted to Muslim because of her. this girl love me so much bt she changed to me before even broken with me. if I tell her I want to see her, she we tell me we can’t see. if I tell her I love u she will not reply me. so with dis I decided not to call her for 4days just to see weda she will call me back bt she didn’t call me. so I decided to call her bt she refused to pick my call nd text me back dat she have d person she’s dating now. yesterday she call me and I pick it bt she didn’t say anything.please I need ur advice because I so much love her and I want to get her back.

If you contact her, talk with her like an old friend. Don’t feel desperate and don’t show any hint of neediness from your side. Act like you are completely fine and finally realize breakup was the best thing happened to you.

You’re still allowed to like her and have positive feelings for her. You’re just also recognizing that it isn’t going to work out and that everyone will be happier and grow more if you dedicate yourself to being the best guy you can be AND to going out and meeting other amazing, single women

This might mean dedicating yourself to the gym, signing up for a martial art, enrolling in an improv comedy class, playing a musical instrument at an open mic night.  It might mean completing the 21 day no complaint challenge or even quitting your job and starting a business you love.  In addition to honing your social skills, I recommend doing at least one thing in all these areas

Instead if you do something opposite, and act indifferent to their new relationship and just concentrate on your own life (career, hobbies etc.), it will get them thinking. And their rebound relationship will end soon like all other rebound relationships.

Problem is right now we are not really talking. We have not spoken except in very formal text messages (finalizing the breakup) since the day he said he wanted to break up with me. It’s been about two weeks. He said that he would be willing to meet with me but seemed really defensive that I might just try to beg and plead again. I’m worried if I see him he will just keep trying to shut me off, even if that’s not what I’m doing..

The right approach is the biggest key to winning your girlfriend back. Unless you can address your breakup from just the right angle, you’ll end up running yourself over and over into the same brick wall of rejection.

I get the impression that your ex acts very immature and irrational because its her way of controlling the situation…. She plays games, blocks your number and Facebook out of spite and makes up lies about other men to make you feel bad. All tell-tale signs of her own insecurities…

Hang in there. Sometimes people go back to their ex because they are unable or don’t want to find someone new to rebound, so they try things out again with their ex. But most likely, your ex is probably rebounding with her ex. Focus on your anxiety and calming yourself down, and just pick yourself back up, before you consider anything again in the future.

This ability to talk collaboratively, without criticism, blame or demands for change, is probably what accounts for the statistics that say that most couples who remain married over time become increasingly happy with their partnership.

Always be yourself. Though it’s important to make the changes that are necessary for improving yourself as well as your relationship, don’t go so far as to change yourself completely so that you — or your girlfriend — don’t even recognize the person you’ve become. Your girlfriend must have liked many things about you to be in the relationship in the first place, so don’t forget to maintain the positive qualities that made you a great guy in the first place.

Knowing the signs that your ex may still be in love with you can help determine exactly how and when to take action. Whether or not you can fix your breakup will depend upon how successful you are at:

While you do not want to change who you are in order to get your ex back (because eventually they would leave again, since the real you has to return at some point), it is always helpful to be the best you can be. Your ex was attracted to you and you can try to regain that attraction.

So I dated this girl for 8 month got engaged n she prego and she broke up with me cuz I want to talk I showed to the bar cuz she meet her mom there n I talk to her mom saying let me talk to her first but I cud wait so I drove n her mom told me to leave so I did. But then Sunday she told me to move I did she doesn’t want nothing to do with me. I need help with this one

I have been in a releshp wth my ex grlfrend for 4yrs she was my school sweethert we came from far she loved meh soo much we did everythng toghet na untll she had a crush on some guybt she found out the guy is in arelshp wth anther person she came back to meh cryng i accpted her back bt then after a mnth se change start sayng we break up bt then she apologies back for her word iknw ehe was up2 smthng i broke up wth her she didnt even say why or sory she said alryt naw its been 3weeksi tryed callng her bt she nat intrested shes is sayng she want to be single an forcus… so do you think she is a relshp wth smeone else i need advice shoild i just move on?

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Give the girl some space. Though you may think that the best way to get your girl back is to fight for her tooth and nail, you’re actually better off giving her some breathing room than fighting for her affection right away. Unless it’s getting serious between her and another guy and you’re determined to break them up, you should play it cool until she has time to heal and to get a fresh perspective on the relationship.

Unfortunately, even if he does propose at this time, there isn’t much you can do about it since they are together now and it’s his given right. You’ll just have to have faith that your relationship did mean something to her and she would have the logical sense to say no.

He broke up with me because we had been arguing for about 3 weeks on and off and he is not willing to forgive me for that, and he didn’t like the fact that I was being harsh with him. I recognize that I was, but there have been periods of time when he’s been cold towards me too and I forgave him and moved on.

…category B here contains the exact opposite behaviors of Category A. In Category A, those behaviors are try hard (too hard). But here in B, these are the behaviors of a guy who hasn’t given enough, so the girl doesn’t consider this guy as having long-term potential either.

Your ex girlfriend will respond to escalation and as you can see we are slowly rebuilding it here. The texting rebuilt some attraction but now it is time to use the phone to really kick things up a notch.

While his current situation was inherently upsetting, Peter again gradually saw that he was reacting through the lens of his family-of-origin realities. Loving responses were not freely given there. Asking for his parents’ attention felt demeaning and emasculating. 

You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Use the time to destroy some bad habits and create better ones. For instance, you don’t want your ex to be the only source of happiness in your life because that’s a ton of pressure on her. It will make you emotionally unstable and probably one of the causes of your break up. Use the time to recommit to what’s most important in your life. Congrats on deciding to go back to school, that’s a step in the right direction. Push yourself socially. Go to the bar or club with friends. Go on a date and remember what it’s like to fun, happy and outgoing. Start writing in a journal or playing an instrument.

We already know that you are the kind of person they like (since they were attracted to you at one time) we just have to work on restoring what dissipated over time and repairing any errors that have occurred since you have been together.