Even being in a good facility (and finally having health insurance), the early days of my my recent hospitalization can only be described as dehumanizing. I was stripped of my phone, my belongings, and all my clothes, put in a thin hospital gown, and left in a cold, harshly lit room, given no clear answers by the nurses who took my blood, their faces marked by various shades of pity and concern. I was able to get my diary back and at least put my thoughts, however jumbled, onto paper. I wrote, in part, “How did I end up here again? I feel like I’m being punished asking for help. They handle me here like I’m made of glass, like I’m a child unaware of how the world works. But I see just fine.” The last statement isn’t entirely true. I was suicidal and deeply depressed, after all. In reading my diary passage, I am reminded that even the most empathetic filmmakers have yet to understand that living in the world with mental illness, if you have a modicum of self-awareness and high functionality, is a constant negotiation of self. Being in the hospital heightens this truth — any darkly wry joke could be misinterpreted as a cry for help, and so much of life inside a hospital is out of your control considering there are bed checks every 15 minutes. Being a black woman, I’ve learned, compounds these issues given that our lives are already heavily circumscribed and our humanity is rarely acknowledged in all its complexity.
To be honest, I think it’s actually a good time to send him the email, as it creates a bigger impact (birthday, Christmas and the start of his holiday). If you want him back, you could send the email then and definitely include the birthday and Christmas wishes as well.
In between she was drunk and called me up she said she loves me alot but didnt want to patch up again she started dating another guy spending lots of tym with him. Tgey are frok same office also stay near to eachotha but now she is back home I dont know how to get her back I am missing her alot. Plz try to give me some suggestion thanks
It has got to a point now that I have told my girlfriend that we need to have a break so I can sort myself out. She has moved out and I do miss her a lot. However, as my ex is in a bad place at the moment, too, I have promised her I am going to go and see her so we can talk. I just don’t know what to do. I feel I should talk to her and it would give me the opportunity to see exactly if there is anything there. The space away from my girlfriend, I hope, would make me realise that she is the one for me and come back to her in a happier place where I feel I can be happy and give 100%.
Tread lightly in the areas that you used to disagree. Whatever issues caused your break-up are likely to still be tender areas for the both of you. If you struggle with jealousy, family issues, control issues, or other particular areas, realize that those issues are going to still be there when the newness wears off of your reinstated romance.
In that situation your girl will, in return, go cold on you too. Again, she ends up feeling disconnected from you, “he’s being distant”, and so she breaks up with you, leaving you needing to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast.
You just need to give her space and time let her heal first. In the mean time go and get your self together work out hang with friends and make your self happy. I will admit it will be hard it trust me it will work. Dont put your self out there make her come to you. Don’t pay her any attention to anything she does. It’s going to be ok and who knows maybe yall wasn’t meant to be. There may be someone else out there better than her for you.
Hi…been with my bf a little over a year. We love each other very much, but we just can’t seem to get along. We’ve broken up so many times than end up getting back together. Now we’re broken up again. I want him back. He tells me we need a break and be friends. I love him and I want to get him back. Please help!
Do not contact her, especially during the first month of your break-up – Your ex-girlfriend will contact you, believe me, but that is if she wants to talk to you. If she does not contact you, then spend the first month of your break-up to focus on yourself. Avoid contacting her when the break-up is still fresh. The good news is that there are instances when ignoring her can make her feel like you’re doing perfectly fine without her and that you are on the stage of moving on. If she is not yet over you, then this might cause her to miss you more.
My ex dumped me a year ago. The breakup was pretty messy. Anyhow currently we have connected again and are hooking up I’d say about once a week and have sex. I’ve never lost my feelings for him and I’m the one who has initiated our hookups. But… What do I do next to get the relationship back? We text everyday leading up to when we meet then after we don’t till I initiate meeting again. Should I stop all together? I was the one who also said when we first started this that it was just a sexual relationship. No discussions of the past, no outside hanging out etc…
You can start with “Hey! Wassup” followed by the routine talk asking her of health and job issues. Now when she starts replying real fast you know it is time to ask her of meeting. It could be arranged on any of the place you both liked in the past like a café, restaurant romantic beach opening or even a shopping mall. But keep in mind that you do not need to take it faster. Relax and wait for the partner to ask of it. You know that she is eager for this.
My GF (we are both 24) of 11 months broke up with me 4 days ago saying she needed a 2 weeks of no contact and maybe we can be friend and we will see what happens after. She was crying her eyes out as she did it saying that she loved me but she feels like we value different things and she doesn’t trust me to tell her things (because I have a hard time opening up and talking about my problems at work etc. and sometimes i focused on her being my only place of happiness (don’t like my career direction, job). I am working my butt off in these 2 weeks to be a better guy and love myself (been hitting the gym hard, got a trainer and applying to law school to change what im doing) but I really believe this is the girl I want to marry and cannot picture living without her. She said she still loves me and while breaking up i could still make her smile when i made a joke to get her to stop crying. Any suggestions how I should proceed in these weeks/ after the 2 weeks?
I saw many boys who change their opinions, likes, dislikes, hobbies, style etc just to impress his girlfriend. They think by doing so their girlfriends will like them that is completely wrong concept.
I liken it to hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock in the morning. Pretty soon, you look up and see an hour or two has passed and you don’t know where the time went as you were just enjoying the company of someone else.
Just spending one hour with a relationship coach will cost you as much as $150. Even so, you would still need six to seven sessions to merely scratch the surface of the strategies included in this course with someone that doesn’t have first-hand experience with your situation. Saving your relationship would run you up $900 or more.
So my ex gf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. She told me she just didn’t feel that way about me anymore. Her friend said I wasn’t trusting enough and a little to controlling. We were together for almost 2 years and we were both madly in love. She has another guy she hangs out with but i know she didn’t leave me for him. We can have a normal conversation. She’s even started it once or twice via text. How can I get her back. I love her more then I ever thought I could
Hi , me and my gf broke up last week , and I regret it cuz I’ve wasted all her love , we work on a same company together , and she’s ignoring me , I didn’t do anything after out break up , damn I hate my pride , and now I regret all the days I’ve wasted , I’m still texting her everyday , like once/day , like goodmorning.. take care.. or did u take ur lunch , later on I receive a message from her saying that please stop texting me , don’t pretend u care cuz I really don’t care, get ur own life , and I said I’m not pretending and this is how I really feel and I said I’m sorry , and she says stop it , it’s over , I’m planning to apologize to her tomorrow with the help of her best friend and some of my friends, I’m not expecting that we’ll be together again or she’ll forgive me that easily , I just want to prove that I really love her and I don’t want her out of my life , Am I doing it right? thanks…
Examine your own emotions – Your break-up might leave you feeling hurt and confused. The problem is that this may result in misinterpreting your hurt and lonely feeling, making you think that you can’t live as happily as you hoped for without her. Actually, most of those who went through a break-up feel remorse at first due to the lost relationship. Such feelings might also be paired up with other negative emotions, like loneliness, depression, guilt, and anxiety.
It would do you better to walk away from this since he has already prioritized another female over you and has even expressed his disinterest, which might have been caused by the loss of spark or interest after so many years.
Baby, I send you those morning texts because the nature of my job is dangerous and I never know if I’m making it back home. I sent them to you incase I didn’t make it home, and to make sure you knew that I love you and that the last thing you heard or read from me was that I love you with all my heart. I’m glad you think they’re gorgeous. When you haven’t replied to me, I haven’t thought anything of it as I believe you just got use to them and that’s fine!!! Any other girl would’ve said that it’s too much and to stop.
Are you where you want to be in life? Is your career making you happy? Do you have a goal you what to achieve? Keep your goals in mind and keep your eyes on the prize. Focusing on the future will make it easier to stop dwelling on the past.
My question is: what’s the best timing to send the e-mail? Isn’t it overwhelming around holiday time? Shall I just extend NC until he’s back in town? Maybe I could combine it with wishing him happy holidays and happy birthday?
I am at the point in my life of really wanting to settle down and be happy. I just don’t know which route is the right one at the moment as I am drawn to them both in different ways – they both have amazing qualities.
Are you desperate and willing to win your ex girlfriend back in 5 steps? Even though you may think that getting your ex girlfriend back might be challenging, you have to think positive and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Our first priority is to make sure that whatever it is you did, that made her want to finish with you – we discover what that was NOW. Because you gotta stop doing it, otherwise the simple process I’m about to reveal won’t work.
On Friday night, I met her to express my thoughts and officially end the relationship. As I was walking her her back to her place, she stopped, looked at me and shook her head from left to right, and didn’t want to proceed. I didn’t know what she wanted. But she gave me a hug before I sent her home.
Check out his Facebook or try to find out if he’s seeing someone from mutual friends without being too obvious about it. He may be seeing someone else and is just talking to you to be nice or because he wants to be friends.
I struggle with getting over her and letting go completely and finally. Most of the time I still wish there was a chance this was a rebound and maybe she’ll check in from time to time. But I don’t know how to not think that. She is still what I want, is that even right of me to think after everything she has done with her 60 days?
Hello, my ex girlfriend of just over two years just broke up with me over the phone a week ago, to me this was completely out of the blue, but she said she had been mulling it over for a month or so. Her explanation was a couple things. One was that she felt I deserved better than her because I was such an awesome person and that I put in 110% into the relationship and she did not. Which is not true because I could not ask for any more than what she was. The second was that she felt there was pressure to “put a ring on it” which is also not true. Not saying I wouldn’t like to spend the rest of life with her, just that it was definitely not time at all. After asking her the next day to meet up the following day because I believe there was things still left unsaid and that it should be done face to face, we both agreed we needed some time to get our emotions straight. She reached out to me a few days later asking to meet up the next day. Following that she backed out of meeting saying there was no point and that it was just dragging things out and that it was already over. So now the next day I sat up all night with these thoughts in my head, eventually I put them down in a text and sent it explaining that She never did anything wrong, that I know this wouldn’t change her mind but it was something I had to say, how our memories together will be with me forever and that I will always love her. She responded back with saying How hard this is for her too and she didn’t want to hurt me but she didn’t want to drag me along either, she still loves and cares for me, and she will always cherish our memories together as well. I have not contacted her since but this whole thing has just left me utterly confused and heartbroken. I feel like with just a little bit of communication things could have worked out just fine. That she really does have feelings for me, but because she thought less of herself that she didn’t deserve me.
After a breakup, you feel depressed, angry confused, shattered, and are really hurting. At this moment, if your ex starts seeing someone else, it just tears you apart. You feel even more depressed and confused. And usually, when your ex is in this rebound relationship, they seem to become too intimate too fast, which makes it even worse for you, for example it took them 5 months to get physical with you and they are already sleeping with this new person who they are going with for only a week.
“How long am I expected to live like this? The days are VERY lonely. It’s an unbelievably depressing feeling to wake up and immediately realize that I’m not home, and have no friends or family to talk with … I get up, I meditate, I swim, I go to work, I eat, I lift some weights, I meditate again and go to sleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I’m not enjoying work (which would normally be a decent distraction), but feel I can’t quit, as I have too many financial responsibilities I have to uphold. I’m amazed I haven’t gone mad yet.
Your articles have been a big help. I (29 years old with past relationship experiences) met an almost divorced guy on dating app who lives in a city 700 miles away. I considered the dangers but it has been a while for him, he will be finally divorced in a month. We hit it off vert well, we discussed we were going fast, and we decided to continue but very slow. We mutually decided to meet also. The travel plan was for me to fly. And we booked the tickets 10 days in advance. On the day of flight, he messages me not to come. And then adds “Don’t bother replying or calling. Have good luck.” I suffer from severe anxiety and abandonment issues. So I was shocked but I still kept my cool, and tried to talk to him, figuring out what it means. He didn’t say anything until after I cancelled my flight in the evening when he succinctly says he is sorry but it is overwhelming. Now I know it’s more about him not being ready. But I also can’t stop wondering that I could have gone more slow, and done more things to make sure he doesn’t feel overwhelmed. But nevertheless he never replied anymore and it seems we are over. I am treating it as a break up. And plan to follow your suggestion of not contacting him for at least 30 days and then texting him. I have dated and been with some good men too with whom it just didn’t work. So I know the different connections and with this man I see a future. Not in a desperate way where I will act out of fear but in a way I know it’s a rare good connection. So I want it to work. When he is ready I want him to contact me. I want him to miss me, but like I said he is divorced and exactly after a month (my 30 day) is his divorce day. Now throughout our dating, he has always talked about his hardships about the whole divorce, once he was on call with me for 7 hours, on a divorce court date. He shared when he got the final divorce date too. So my question to you is that after my 30 day of no contact, it’s that final divorce court date when he will be finally free as he puts it. Should I do my first text on that date? Or wait for a few more days? I must agree I am worried to lose him. Because I am a little odd person. It’s rare for me to find a connection. I find it with him. But I remember your article about two kinds of people. I have worked hard at being the second kind, but my fears are very strong. So I am confused as to how I should approach the whole thing! Yesterday I was good in not texting him back a lot, until it was night when I sent two long messages spaced a few hours apart. Immediately after that he went invisible on whatsapp. I know it was for me. But I haven’t messaged him at all after that and I will not. That’s where your post helped me a lot. I really struggle in these kinds of situations. I do well if communication was very straight but it is not so often. I hope you can help me.
My suggestion is to complete 30 days of No Contact and spend this time to focus on all these things you’ve mentioned. Once you’ve picked yourself up from this and think you’ve at least improved from the last time she saw you, then you could contact her again if you really want her back. [otp_overlay]