After some time apart, during which you have worked on the ME-component of a former-WE and also helped the ME, become a better version of your former self, reach out to her. Do this in a non-committal way and just extend a hand of friendship. Rebuild your camaraderie, keep it light, and show her a NEW you. Take it slooooow but build memories, take a tiny step toward a healthy relationship every day and forge a deep, meaningful connection.
Gottman’s studies were interesting, he would lock a couple in an apartment and videotape their every move. Every discussion, every interaction, every argument was caught on tape and carefully analyzed.
You can’t really complete a full NC rule if you and your ex have children. Instead, I would recommend you start a limited contact rule. This is essentially the same exact thing as no contact except you are allowed to break the NC for conversations that are only about your kids.
If your ex initiates contact with you then that is fine. The important thing is that you aren’t the one initiating contact. Just keep the conversation short and portray happiness (more on this later).
When you lose a person that you love most in your life, you feel angry at the universe to make it happen. You wish so much that it never happened but now you have to realize that it has actually happened.
Since it has been 6 months, he may have gotten used to the idea of life without you. That doesn’t mean however that he’s moved on. It isn’t hopeless but if you really do want him back, you would have to re-create the spark with him so that he would fall for you once more.
This conversation took place a week ago and I have seen him twice since then just to hang out really at our house and have been in contact by text every day. He today told me that he is going to be moving closer to his work and moving in with a colleague which means an hour’s drive away from me.
Not only we share the situation, we also share the name. My girlfriend and I agreed to break up on basically the same grounds, same EVERYTHING, so reading about your relationship is painful. Anyway, since you broke up about two weeks earlier than me, how did the getting back work? Did you quit? Still trying? Already together? Any tips? HELP ME!
To his relief, Peter began to experience his small apartment somewhat more positively. Now it felt like a cozy place to read and enjoy time alone. His loneliness, too, began to abate to the point that some evenings he even preferred staying home alone to running out to activites with others lest he drown in the pain of loss.
If you want to win your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back then you have to understand that your breakup doesn’t happen from no where. There is solid reasons behind it and now you have opportunity to focus on your old relationship and look where it is not perfect.
Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:
Ok, so me and my ex were together for three months. He is 16 and I am 19. We are both guys. So basically we had an huge fight during New Year’s eve and broke up for two days. We decided to then to get back and try again, and then he decided that we would be better as just “friends” later on that weekend… He broke up with me because he didn’t want to cut talking with a boy he met (and kissed) during New Year’s eve… During the first the days after the break up he was acting like nothing happened or whatsover till I decided to use the whole “no contact” thing to him and then he asked to me go pick up my stuff on his house next week… So what should I do, is the any chance at all anymore or not.
If your ex contacts you a lot, let him know that you’re going to give him some time so he doesn’t think you don’t want anything to do with him. This is especially important if the guy you love is a bit shy or insecure.
Guilt and melancholy, of course, are not Stoic values. We think that whatever we did in the past is not under our control, it cannot be undone, and dwelling on it is therefore entirely unproductive, a waste of precious time and emotional resources. That said, you do want to learn from your past, in order to hopefully decrease the chances of making similar mistakes in the future. That’s why a philosophical diary, perhaps coupled with some heart to heart talk with a “friend of virtue,” as Aristotle would put it, is very helpful. (A friend of virtue is someone wise and honestly interested in your wellbeing, who has the guts to tell you that something you are doing is not the way to go, instead of simply reassuring you that you are doing fine.)