Nothing is impossible if you are determined to really move on, but you have to help yourself. Make a list of all the bad qualities of your ex, the things you couldn’t stand about him or her. List all the reasons why you shouldn’t get back together.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

If your relationship has LOVE, then it can bring you both together doesn’t matter how many times you fought together and how many arguments you both had on silly things. Love is simply a gift of blessing.

Give yourself compliments! Congratulate yourself for a job well done! Treat yourself to a nice movie! Go out on a date with yourself! Tell yourself you’re absolutely wonderful and amazing! Thank yourself for being the best version of you!

If you behaved in 3+ of the above ways during the latter stages of your relationship with your ex, then the reason you lost her is because her attraction for you faded out. She will likely have told you some other bullsh*t reason for the break up, but the fact that you answered yes to the questions above, coupled with the amount of sense that the explanations I gave make, shows that dying attraction is unmistakably the cause.

And even more important: Since you are giving him confirmation that you still think about him, he will not feel any pain of missing you. This is definitely not helping to get him back! So whatever you do, don’t call him (unless you have your plan to win him back all laid out, more about that later).

We are all familiar with people who have gone through a break up in which persistent thoughts about the ex seem to linger. The relationship is over, hopes of reconciliation have been exhausted, all communication has ceased…and yet the ex retains a special place in the stricken one’s heart. Could this be a good thing? In our apparent reluctance to let go of an ex, we may be holding on to our capacity to love and the feeling of being loving.

I have been divorced for 2 years now, after a 23 year marriage. I cannot get over him, I still see him lots and hang out as friends, but everything you said is true. I wish I was still married. I am a strong person, I came alone to this country from Europe and was doing great. Now, I am not so great, I like being married and it felt comfortable. Now I think I am worthless – nobody wants me and I am really afraid of a future alone. I have one 19 year old daughter who is everything to me. I feel that all my life I have lost things that were dear to me. I left my family when I was young, my husband left me and eventually my daughter will move out and start her own life which is normal. I just feel I am nobody without a man on my side, I totally miss it, I don’t know. There is my heart and then my head, two different feelings, I know all the stuff I should do but my heart is not always where it should be I still miss him tremendously. I have a hard time moving on and I know I am not free of him yet. I just miss my little family – it was comfortable and good (well not always) but now in my mid 50ties, I feel that there is nothing good coming. And yes, I work full time and also have a little part time job to kill my time as I am lonely. I do reach out to friends, but many of them are women and I miss being with guys.

The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs). And almost all of the rebound relationships end sooner rather than later. It sucks, but rebound relationships are a way for many people to deal with breakups. Fortunately for you, it’s one of the most ineffective way to move on. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. In fact, it just means the opposite. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they are avoiding grief. And that means it will take them longer to get over you.

Yes, I know you’re miserable now because you’re going through a breakup, but in general is your life how you want it to be? Do you have good friends, hobbies, passions, a sense of purpose and meaning? Do you realize that you are valuable and significant and worthy of having an amazing relationship? Really think about that last one. The answer might hurt, it may even make you cry, but you need to feel it, you need to get in touch with your true self and you need to nurture that part of you.

This is a clever tactic that you may have heard of before, and how it works is pretty straightforward. You simply cut off all communication with your ex for about 30 days. Now you may be thinking, “But what if he forgets about me?” or “There’s no way disappearing is going to help me get him back,” but the truth is, removing yourself from the picture will make your ex miss you.

hi natasha! i’m glad i found this blog! i just broke up with my ex last night, he decided to leave me bc i often threatened him if he messed up n hurt me. he said a lot of bad things about me last night and i threatened him back and we agreed to made a silly and stupid agreement, that he will do EVERYTHING that i ask from him till the end of this year then i promised i’m the one who will dumb him and he agreed with that (because i threatened him of course). and if he mess up he will add 1 more month for me to stay with him. i feel confused now, i want to get back with him bc to be honest i was the one who always overreacted but at the same time i don’t think he wants me anymore, he really hates me. what should i do?? i decided not to contact him for the next few weeks but seriously i have no idea what should i do next.. ps: we are in a long distance relationship and before we broke up, he still listened to me when i told him to get home early from his friend’s place. he hates me but at the same time he always do what i say to him even if i didn’t threaten him. also his friends told him to leave me. please help me i need some advices from you! thanks a lot natasha!! xoxo

Show him you’ve changed. Take advantage of your time together as friends to show him how you’ve been working on improving yourself. For example, if it used to drive him crazy that you were always late, make a point of showing up for your outing a few minutes early.[8]

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Even if you weren’t clingy, no contact is still something you should apply as you the relationship ended on a sour note, and he may harbor negative emotions towards you right now. NC will help give both parties some space to let go of those emotions before attempting anything again.

Start over. Click the reset button. Whatever he did wrong – get over it. Forgive yourself if you’ve made mistakes and forgive him, you are both guilty in one way or another, and reminding each other about it won’t help. You can’t get back together if you are enemies, so stay close to each other by forgiving. Let the past go. Every day is a new opportunity for you to have a better life with a great guy, maybe it’s him – and now that you’re starting over, you’ve learned from your mistakes, but you can continue on only when you manage to forgive.

I can’t get over my ex bf as well at first, but then I thought of all the ways he used to treat me, the goods and the bad. I revisited the places we used to be one last time, and everywhere I went, I left the memories that we had at the place.

“When I found out my ex of two and a half years was cheating on me, I was completely done with him, but it took me a while to get over the betrayal. I could hear myself annoying my friends and even the new guys I was seeing by talking about it all the time. In the year after our breakup, I dated more people than I ever had, which put more distance between me and that sucky dude. Plus, after realizing that everyone was sick of hearing me talk about my ex, I made it a goal to not bring it up and forget about it. It worked!” —Ashley O.

For years after the end of a five-year romance, a young woman described how she continued to revisit loving memories she had of her ex, the special ”bubble world” they had created together. She remembers their first Christmas together alone in their tiny studio apartment with a found tree branch for a Christmas tree and small gifts they had made for each other. Although her ex broke up with her, recollecting the feeling of closeness she found in this relationship enabled her to remain connected to the loving part of herself.

Our lives are an accumulation of loves as well as losses. Sometimes we decide who we want to date based on avoiding the failures of previous relationships. Perhaps instead of focusing on what we didn’t like about our former loves, it might be more helpful to focus on what we liked about how we loved them.

“If you’ve had an amicable breakup and you see your ex is engaged then you can congratulate him or her and make it a positive thing,” Tebb says. “But if you’re not talking to each other and it wasn’t a good split, then the feelings of jealousy will arise. You’ll get mixed emotions, which is common and normal. So if you’re feeling upset and vulnerable, you need to talk to someone who can listen to you vent. But if you are seeing stuff on social media, get off of it.”