Get to know one another. Especially if it has been a while since you were together, you and your ex have both changed as individuals in that time. Don’t assume you know everything about him or her. Take time to get to know one another again.
The basis of the theory is that sometimes you can have an emotional experience that is so powerful that it affects you an a deep level. However, you don’t know where that feeling comes from. So, you kind of stick that experience to the most practical thing you can think of.
Unfortunately one day she stopped supporting my dreams, our relationship started to struggle and we ultimately ended 65 days ago now. We tried as friends for the last month of it but it wasn’t working and one night when I told her I loved her, she didn’t feel the same, and we ended everything. No talking, no reconciliation, we just stopped. She reached out a day after to say sorry but it didn’t go anywhere.
“The best way for a girl to get her ex back would be to make the guy jealous. She can flirt with other guys when he’s around, look super-cute and talk with him a little, and then talk to some other guys for a bit longer. Every guy wants to be the best, so if he sees her flirting and having a good time, and it’s no longer because of him, he’s going to miss that feeling. This tactic works for two reasons: 1) It may land you back with your ex. 2) It may land you with someone new. Play the field and the options are plentiful. Sit and wallow waiting for him to call back and you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.”
I’ve been in this relationship on and off for 5 &1/2 years. I cheated when we first started dating when I was 15 years old and a bad bad person. I’ve changed so much but all he see is the person I use to be. He can’t forgive. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but he told me two days ago that he doesn’t want to ever be with me again but he wants to be “friends with benefits” which is not what I want. I would love to be only friends but I’m so in love with him it’s hard.
Dr. Jennice Vilhauer is the director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Treatment Program at Emory Healthcare, the developer of Future Directed Therapy, and the author of Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind’s Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life.
Now, I do not mean that you have to lock the next good guy round the corner. I just mean that you need to wrap yourself around the concept of ‘singledom’ and become a proud and more importantly, happy member!
If one of the member is having the ego, he must bury it before entering into strong relationship since the ending would be obviously destructive. Suppose you are working woman and the partner is also a hardworking and earning handsome young lad. Now it is almost impossible for any of the individual to waste some of the time and use out for the daily home chores.
As he sees you apologizing, he will at the very least understand that you care about the relationship, and he will then also be more likely to take responsibility for whatever his role was in the breakup.
paragraph addressing half of the elephant in the room, that when he said he is overwhelmed, that respond overwhelmed me, and I didnt say those words but reacted in that way. I understand I am very scared of abandonment. I had a gut feeling of you backing out, hence I was walking on egg shells and did not even bring up the topic. Probably if I had, we would have had a different situation. That I have anxiety and I acted out of a place of fear when you said not to come without any explanation and to not call you too. Something to show my vulnerable side and how this time apart, I have thought about it. And it applies to us and that day’s conversation. Without putting nay blame on him. (I do think that knowing I have anxiety he should have handled it better, what he did is the nmber one trigger for me, but I do not want to go there, and I am going to chalk it off to us still exploring each other.)
Allow me to explain. Your ex expects you to go running back to him, so doing the opposite will confuse him and make him insecure. Since you’re not begging for a second chance, the message you are sending your ex is loud and clear: You don’t need him, you’re strong, and you’re perfectly fine with the idea of finding someone new…. Don’t worry, this doesn’t have to how you actually feel, it’s just important your ex thinks this is the case. As time passes and you’re still not contacting him, he’s going to have a hard time resisting the urge to call you. This means you not only have him thinking about you, but the icing on the cake is that since you haven’t been chasing him or emotionally acting out, the negative memories your ex had of you and the relationship will be replaced with pleasant ones, which may even cause him to question the breakup.