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The cognitive analysis section of that post is right on, but in addition to the behavior suggested, I would widen it to say, look for other ways to make your life meaningful. Of course you want a mutally loving partnership with someone, but that’s not the one and only thing that can make your life worthwhile. (I have also found that intentionally going out and looking for a partner is seldom successful.)
Be a better you – It’s time to ditch the old you! Get some new threads, workout at the gym (get the body most women want), eat right and drum some positive thoughts into your head. This will take between 2 and 3 months if you work hard. Make sure you set a schedule and stick to it!
Update: I caught up with my ex girlfriend recently and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore and she was quite clear and her feelings faded a while ago and she was just in the relationship for me, not for her. She doesn’t want me anymore and I’m obviously depressed. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I don’t think any amount of no contact is going to help my situation at all as she said she wants to be alone for a while and is ok with being single the rest of her life. What do I do now? She’s already deleted photos of us and me off Facebook and told me she won’t add me back on Facebook. She doesn’t want anything to do with me as the trust she had for me went a long time ago. She always suspected me of cheating when I’m never did anything of the sort. 5 years spent with this girl to end like this. She caught me off guard and left me. And she’s much happier without me. Someone please help me. What do I do? Is there any chance of getting her back at all? I want her back
Keep the girl this time. If the date went well, and if there are more dates to follow, you need to make sure the relationship doesn’t end for the same reason if you really want to stay with this girl. If she’s a keeper, you must remind yourself that you have to continue making her feel special.
Getting back on his feet involved reconnecting with old friends, and making contact with new ones as he pursued interests in activities he enjoyed. He joined a book group, found a place with religious services that he liked. He recalled the sports activities that in better times, he used to enjoy and returned to doing those activities again. Bit by bit, his spirits lifted.
The advice from the first poster (I couldn’t see a name) was very good, but I’d like to tweak some of it slightly. When these sad thoughts about your ex come up, you can think of them as just waves on the ocean. They appear and then they’ll disappear. If they hang around, it’s because you’re focusing on them. Rather than saying “push them away,” I would say “let them go by as they naturally will.” The more you focus on them, the more power you give them.
I’m sure you are eager to know this plan I keep talking about that is supposed to help you get back your ex. Before I tell you how best to approach your situation, let me tell you what the plan is NOT.
If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)
Chances are, you’ve already made at least one of these mistakes after the breakup. Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. So don’t beat yourself over it. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him back and stop doing them right away. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now.
My name is Dr. George Karanastasis. I am a physician but my knowledge of relationships doesn’t come from school or some prestigious university. I learned these lessons the hard way — one by one through a string of painful breakups. But it wasn’t until my last relationship that everything “clicked”: for the first time in my life I finally understood exactly why women leave in the first place and what makes them want to come back.
Be open to meeting new friends. No matter your age or social disposition, if you have the time to go do things with your friends, chances are good that you’ll meet more people sooner or later. Be engaging and friendly with them, and you may very well end up making all kinds of new connections.
Before approaching your ex, you first need to sit down with yourself and soberly and honestly consider why the relationship ended and whether your motives for getting back together are genuine or merely reactionary.
Civility is always your best choice. There will be times you have to be in proximity to your ex. Remember to act in a way you can be proud of later. Be short and to the point, but be polite and don’t let your emotions show.
Letting a woman get away with giving you sh*t like this is a recipe for one thing: lost respect – namely any respect she had for you. Why? Because she knows that a superior guy who is worthy of her respect would not tolerate such BS from her.
My girlfriend and i started dating april 5th, after 3 weeks we had sex it was awesome, 3 weeks later she asked how old i was i said 46 and she was 28, after about a week she broke up with me because of the age diff, i went nc for 4 days, i sent her flowers and that night she stopped by my house, after that she came at me like a fireball, she came back bell ya, she stayed at my place most of the time after that, 10 days went by and she just shut off like a lihht switch, i ran after her like an idiot, i may have lost her forever its been 5 weeks since ive seen her beautiful faceut yesterday i fb mess her and told her i wanted my shirt back, she did not answer, i mess her again telling her to keep it and i was done, reminding her of all the good times we had together, and i said good luck, and she was the most beautiful girl in the word! She mess me rite away and said, i will drop your shirt off this week! Im hoping she wants to talk but i have a feeling she will shove it in the mailbox! What is my next move, what should i do??? Please help,!!!
And the number one thing? Build courage, confidence, and a philosophy of abundance by specifically working on your skills at attracting women outside of your social circle. Yes, strangers. The truth is, the fear that we don’t have control over our love lives is the greatest source of insecurity for most men. I wrote The Anti-Pickup Line to chronicle how I overcame that and to teach other guys to do the same. Read it.
This is the hardest thing for a lot of guys to accept.: There IS NO WAY to just go get your ex back. Flowers, romantic gestures, promises things will be better . . . these might extend the relationship by a few weeks. But it was already on life support and you’re just treating symptoms.
Once you get the date it is all up to you to really make her feel for you. By the time the date ends if she is left with this feeling of happiness and excitement then you really did your job and you are well on your way to getting her back.
If you need help meeting people then I highly, highly recommend Internet dating. There is no better way to meet exciting, new people. Don’t believe the stigma – Internet dating is great and no, the people that use Internet dating are not all ugly, perverted computer nerds.