I am saying this confidently because I have apply these techniques when my first love broke up with me. I can’t tell exact reason for our breakup but after talking with Brad I realize one thing and that is…
If it was too easy the first time, make her chase you. If you can’t think of what went wrong in the relationship because you smothered her with love, then chances are that this was exactly what went wrong. She must have felt that your love and relationship was too easy, so you should try to make it more of a challenge.
You didn’t satisfy her in the bedroom – Yep. You suck in the bedroom. Why do I know this? Because even if you were boring as a person, she would still stick around for a while longer or talk to you about things if you were AMAZING in the sack.
“Help! How can I get back my ex!” is the distressed plea of many of my clients when they contact me to launch therapy. After years of gradual relationship deterioration, failing communication in a relationship, and off-putting interactions, at least in the eyes of their partner, some final-straw development suddenly propelled their partner to insist that they separate.
It is important to take time after breaking up and before trying to get your ex back to examine your own emotions and decide if you truly should be with that person. Rekindled relationships often suffer from a lack of trust and can be more likely to cycle on-again-off-again with repeated breakups. If you’re not 100% sure that you want to be with this person in the long-term, avoid further pain by doing your best to get over your ex instead of pursuing him or her again.
Texting, calling, emailing, or otherwise trying to insert yourself into her life soon after the breakup is not only irritating, it comes across as desperate. Nothing is more likely to persuade her the breakup was the right decision than your being clingy and immature by not backing off.
This ability to talk collaboratively, without criticism, blame or demands for change, is probably what accounts for the statistics that say that most couples who remain married over time become increasingly happy with their partnership.
Try to keep contact with a minimum while being friendly. Appearing upset, angry, or irritated will make you look childish. The combination of friendly and minimum contact is important. Also, be sure to project a happy content image. Acting depressed or upset, though tempting, does not make your ex want to get back together with you (more on this later).
The first thing you have to do is to reframe your way of thinking. You cannot control the way things happens in your world, but you surely can control how these things affect your life and what you learn from them.
A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.
If you have maintained contact with your ex since the break up then it will seem weird/rude if one day you just stop contacting them. However, the month of no contact is still very necessary so I would recommend that you slowly, over the course of a week or maybe two, lessen the amount of contact until it seems appropriate to stop completely. Use your judgment remembering that above all, you don’t want to come off as rude as this will only spark a power struggle and completely defeat the purpose of the month of no contact.
For sure though, whatever their ultimate relationship decision, both Peter and Paulette feel out of their lifeboat and back on solid ground. The panic of a devastating waterfall ahead has been replaced by anticipation of a safer and sunnier future, whether in fact they end up together or apart.
Make sure that you also consider your emotional readiness. Are you ready to commit and make her a part of you once again? Is she ready, too? If she’s not ready yet, then you can’t force her to accept the relationship once again.
So 2 years ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years because I was nervous about settling down and had just graduated college and felt that I needed to be on my own for a little bit. The instant I broke up with him I knew that I had made a mistake but knew he hated me so much I tried to hide my feelings. Well now I can’t hide my feelings anymore and I am still in love with him and realized what a great relationship we had and brought the good out in each other. At this time he is currently dating someone else but we continue to speak weekly and say how much we miss and love each other. I am currently on the West coast while he is on the East coast. I gave him a decision earlier this year that I would move home to be with him. Well after many weeks of talking to one another and him telling me how unhappy he is in his current relationship, he said he can’t ask me to move home. I was devastated. I am actually moving home in a few weeks due to a family member becoming ill. Do I try to win him back when I move home or leave it as is? I know he still loves me and I still love him.
Avoiding contact is not just a passive-aggressive way to make your ex miss you. It gives you time to do the things you need to do to prepare yourself for a new relationship (whether it’s with your ex or someone new!). Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex. If you contributed to the breakup, this is the time to pinpoint your relationship weaknesses and do the hard work to improve as a human being.
Create boundaries at home and limit the time spent there while she is around. Perhaps go out more, and even if you are at home, sleep in different rooms and engage in as little small talk as possible. You could use this article to provide you with more tips on what you can do while she’s still around. [otp_overlay]