Deadlines are important for bills, assignments at work, and dairy products—but apparently they’re also a solid way to shut down those leftover feelings for your ex. Jordin Sparks says that she gave herself 21 days to get over her ex-boyfriend Jason Derulo, according to People, and it worked. During that time, she actually created a video blog to chronicle her progress and, of course, sing “I Don’t F*ck with You” by Big Sean at the top of her lungs. Hey, whatever works—right?

As common knowledge goes, you cannot make a person have certain feelings for you. However, you can encourage them to feel a certain way through reminders, thoughts, gestures and messages, so there might be some ways to help your ex think about the good things the two of you shared together. For more details on how this might be possible, read How to Make Your Ex Miss You.

I started to worry what if he thinks I am starting to work at the same place than he because of him. I tried to initiate texting on Friday and Saturday (last time we texted on last Sunday and we got to meet up quickly on Tuesday) but he didn’t continue texting after one text but He replied immediately. Maybe I am just overthinking and he was just busy. Or my texts weren’t that interesting. ? I have to text on Tuesday (unless he visits at the grocery store) to ask about Wednesday as we are working on the same shift. I should not make any speculations but his behavior confuses. Well.. I decided I just treat him as a co-worker on the first week and see how it goes. After that start some flirting. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if he has started thinking I wanted to start my internship there because of him. Because it isn’t so. I even didn’t know he would work there. Maybe it is my head that makes those thoughts and I should stop immediately. I just had to write down my thoughts as I am going crazy by over thinking.

It comes down to basic human psychology. There are a few different sayings that attest to the way human emotions work when something disappears from life, such as, “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone” and, “you always want what you can’t have.”

I didn’t care, though; I lived on 12th Street and he lived on St. Marks and a few days a week, I would just “happen” to stroll by his apartment in my most flattering jeans and blue eyeliner and green boots and blow-dried bangs hoping to bump into him. Alas, though, our “meeting” never seemed to happen, and aside from some fooling around here and there, he remained a distant mystery.

I broke my back and became depressed and pretty much pushed him away by being so moody and unhappy. I am back at work too and getting on with life but a day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of him – it has been two years and I can’t see myself ever not being in love with him.

Start over. Click the reset button. Whatever he did wrong – get over it. Forgive yourself if you’ve made mistakes and forgive him, you are both guilty in one way or another, and reminding each other about it won’t help. You can’t get back together if you are enemies, so stay close to each other by forgiving. Let the past go. Every day is a new opportunity for you to have a better life with a great guy, maybe it’s him – and now that you’re starting over, you’ve learned from your mistakes, but you can continue on only when you manage to forgive.

It is so difficult to get over some you care about. One minute they are in you life the next they are permanently gone. The best that I found to get over a boyfriend was to acknowledge the loss; acknowledge the pain; busy yourself with great friends and healthy activities and also take some time to take care of yourself.

There were more dates. We craved each other, we made commitments, got too intimate, breathed, caressed, cherished each other. He wrote letters to me, explaining how much he loved me, how we were destined to be together, how he saw the ‘wife’ in me, how we were already like a married couple, how we were the ‘one’ for each other etc. He was always truthful about everything. He can’t lie about such stuff. He hates infidelity. All that was fine, but there was the cycle of rows and patch-ups. The 14th of November was a date, and I didn’t see that ‘look’ in his eyes, felt disconnected to him. We had our moments, but it didn’t feel as good as before. I got insecure, and right after the date (he was leaving for the airport), I texted him that it was over. He was devasted, miserable throughout his flight. I was broken…got home, and I realized how badly I was in love with him, how I couldn’t do without him. I texted him about it, he still loved me, we got back together after a long discussion. My insecurities kept growing. I was guilty about what I’d done. I thought he deserved better than me, I told him so. He said I could give him what I thought he deserved, and that he’d stay. I went into a phase of stress-induced-depression after that. I was irritable, went without food and sleep for weeks, worked like a machine. It wrecked him. He was too worried about my condition. He felt chained, helpless because we were miles apart. At times he thought he was responsible for my condition, I assured him otherwise, yet he wasn’t really convinced. We had more arguments. The 3rd of December arrived. It was my birthday, he called up to wish me. He seemed distant again, I was rude, brash, asked him why he’d called up instead of thanking him. He hung up on me, he was too hurt and disturbed. The next day he told me he wasn’t feeling like before. He had been through a lot because of me, and he said it was all his fault instead. I felt more guilty, asked him to take a break if needed, maybe even break up if it made him feel better. I was more concerned about him well-being than mine. We lost communication for days after that. He was getting busier with time. One day he texted that he didn’t feel for me anymore, and we were done. I didn’t believe it because what we had was beyond special, it was real, pure love, and feelings like that never could die. He was advised to give it another shot, and he did so (apparently). That night we had a conversation like older times, he told me he was seriously missing me. Things could have taken a different turn then, but I started feeling suffocated after that. I needed to vent out, I’d suffered a lot too. I needed him to listen to me, to answer me, but he was too busy. He was torn between work and the relationship. This seemed already doomed, he put in everything he had into his work. It was decided even before we started that our priority would be work, considering that we’re too young. Our relationship remained ignored during these days. I was getting impatient, insecure, and even more suffocated. I was making wild assumptions about him, texting him all the rubbish on earth, he was as it is too stressed out. He got done with his work and we met on the 24th when he finally told me that he had no feelings for me and that it was over. Whatever I did, tried, nothing worked. I still believe we can get back together if the love was real (I believe it was), but he says that when things like this end for him, they’re final, and that no probabilities exist for us to get back together. I can’t help but see how real everything was, and it was destiny, we never felt this way before. I love him unconditionally and hope he’ll realize this love and come back to me. He doesn’t even want to remain friends anymore, he’s cut off all communication from me, and I can’t do anything about it. I know the love was real, but I don’t really know what happens next. He says he doesn’t (and can’t) feel for me anymore, but even he’s having a difficult time moving on. He said he doesn’t miss ‘us’ but does have our memories and is reminded of them. Every single thing that he thought was true before has turned into the negative now. He wants to get over me completely, but I think that’s not what is supposed to be, considering how deep we were in love. I know I should do nothing about it now, but please tell me if it was real, and if I can expect him to come back? Everyone is probably hating on me, and yes, I made mistakes, but please remember that he didn’t communicate enough with me. He never told me about his problems and stuff… Like I was kept in complete darkness about it, and suddenly things lost their gravity. He went to his friends for advice, but never tried to discuss things with me. But love doesn’t die that easy…. or does it?

After a week of no real communication we got together for a chat where he said that he didn’t want to cut me completely out of his life but didn’t want a full-on relationship at the moment but proposed that we began dating again to see if we could “reignite the spark” with no real idea of where it might lead. It could lead to us getting back together it might not… but we would be exclusive to each other .

Next good tip on how to get over your ex boyfriend is to do something new. You’ve got plenty of time on your hands now that your ex is out of the way, so why not use it productively and challenge yourself to do something new?

Men are drawn to women who are happy with themselves. So be happy, live your life and let your radiant energy shine, causing him to second guess why you’re not together. Remember, you are a prize, so treat yourself like one. You should never have to convince him to be with you. 

He broke up with me a week ago over the phone. We were together for 7 months and had a deep connection. I have not contacted him since. Yesterday I received a text from him explaining why he did it and apology. Pretty much he is not over his divorce, has health issues, dealing with work problems, trying to work on a relationship with his kids and now is not a good time and not fair to me to continue the relationship. Should I respond or keep no contact for 30 days? Or should I acknowledge the text and respond?

Well.. I had only two shifts with him this week. Wednesday went well so far but Thursday was a disaster… There is another girl working at the grocery store as well. I know her and I know they have known each other longer time. On Thursday I saw how she got more attention and I noticed that their chemistry is so different. I felt so bad on Thursday. When he came to work, he went directly to her to talk about something and totally ignored me.. didn’t even say hello. I don’t know why on Wednesday things looked so good. Or is it my head that make things look worse than it is. But I know he was hanging all day with her after work on Wednesday (I have heard that they have spend a lot of free time together) . I have a feeling I can’t get him back… I just can’t. She is more prettier. Thursday was so awkward. I still have 6 shifts together with him. Next week only on Monday and Saturday.

Wow! Sounds like things have really turned around for you. Once you learn how to break past his “commitment barrier”, everything else is a piece of cake! 🙂 Thank you for the kind words, your story is encouraging to other women.

I have no specific advice other than to relax, slow down, rebuild your confidence–and give him time to do the same. Also, be sure you’ve seriously learned from your prior mistakes lest you reconnect and make the same errors.

If you behaved in 3+ of the above ways during the latter stages of your relationship with your ex, then the reason you lost her is because her attraction for you faded out. She will likely have told you some other bullsh*t reason for the break up, but the fact that you answered yes to the questions above, coupled with the amount of sense that the explanations I gave make, shows that dying attraction is unmistakably the cause.

I’ve been having a hard time getting over and stop thinking of my ex. We’ve had a rough break up however it ended in a fake nice way. It’s been 3 months now however it feels like it was just yesterday. We’ve dated in total of 8 months. Before we’ve dated he was dating his ex fiancé, a relationship that lasted 3 years. After 3 months of his ex fiancé breaking up with him, he start dating me. Making me realize that I might have been a rebound. Most of our problems involved his ex fiance. Which makes me believe, that is his baggage. Currently he is dating someone else.

Hi, i need some advice my boyfriend broke me up i love him and i want him back.. buy i dont know how..because he broke up with during our last big fight and he say that he never want tp back with me anymore and he cut our skype and more lines.But now sometimes i do email him and asking how he is.. then he replying me like same cold still what can i do pls help me how to het his feelings back to me

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Hello guys this is testimony that this NC stuff absolutely works! Ryan you guys are geniuses dude. I got my girl back! I didn’t think it was working at first and I panicked a lot during the whole NC process. She even started messing with her ex and one other person. So my advice if you really know and want your ex back then keep pushing everyone! it works with time. also focus on yourself. This website is very helpful. Now to Ryan.. thanks dude again. I do have one last thing I need your help with. I realized that she clearly didn’t respect me or our relationship before because she was able to so easily start messing around with someone we both know and someone I didn’t like. Yes we are together now and things have been great! My question is, how do I get her to respect me more? she has not done anything to disrespect me since we got back together , however I want to know how to build strong respect from her, so that she is loyal to me no matter what? if she had respect, she would have been loyal and not cross the line with other folks while we were broken up.

No matter how many things you do to get over him you won’t truly get over him until your soul lets you and the only way that your soul will let you is with time. Each person is different. Some people can get over someone in a matter of months, others can sometimes take years. I wish I had a chart that I could give you to tell you exactly how long it will take to get over your ex but I don’t. It is an impossible thing to measure.

I do want the woman I’m with to be OK though; I don’t want her to worry or be upset.  And I don’t want her to see me as anything less than the man that I aspire to be – the man that I am when I’m at my best.

That’s good Emily, initiate No Contact first and give both parties some space to let go of any negative emotions or thoughts. He may very well be serious about the possibility of working out, but that’s definitely not something that can be achieved right now.

Terminate contact with your ex. Even if you and your ex agreed to be friends, cut off contact with this person for a while. Make sure that when you talk to them again that you do not have any residual feelings. Work on finding closure. This does not mean finding a new partner, but make sure you are 100% over your ex before considering going on a date.

Hello, why go through all the psychological stress when sarahspiritwind @ gmail.com helps you to know more about your ex. Sometimes its not even advisable yo get ex back .. Well for any sort of consultation contact her and please tell her Chris referred you. It was my promise. Thanks

I just to ask i need my boy friend back he is very nice actully he loves me a lot but i dont know why he left me alone i want him back at any cost cause my life means nothing without him he is my best friend i dont have any friend i had very bad past but he expect me as i am loves me like a baby care like a parent hold me like god he is my everything actully were living near a place but now am far from that place so when i start living in far place i did not get that much to talk that much so our missunderstanding are becoming more and more day by day one he said i m furstred with u and dont want to talk to u i said ok really l will not call you then at night i was very much anger and use abuse word to him that was why he is not talking to me please help me i am stupid mad u can any thing but i want him back i love him very much i really need him please help please

When you do talk to him in person or over text message I want you to make it clear to him that you are friends and nothing more. Seriously, say “We are friends and that is all we will ever be.” Make sure he is aware of how your new relationship is defined.