We can’t all do an Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind on our ex. We’d love to be totally over him, but you know what? Sometimes it just isn’t possible to be 100% over someone. Sometimes, a bit of scar tissue will always remain.
If you have kids with your ex your no contact situation is a little different. Obviously you can’t just disappear off the map for 3 months. So, here is what I want you to do. I want you to enter into a limited contact period.
I know there are many ladies who want to win their ex boyfriend or husband back but they don’t know from where to start. I suggest them first of all don’t do mistakes (begging, bulk texting etc) that I did. Watch video below (opens in new window/tab) to find how these mistakes killing your every chance for winning your ex back.
As long as you focus all your energy and attention on having a good time in the moment with him and making sure that your mood is good (which makes sure that your vibe is good, which is the most attractive thing you can do), then the work you put in during the no contact period will do the rest.
Use your breakup as motivation to better yourself. Use it as a way to become a better person. My goal for you is that down the road in a couple of years you look back on your relationship with this person and say “Because of him and what he did to me I became a better person. That was the best relationship I ever had.”
Oh, and they turned everyone against me, all my friends don’t talk to me anymore. I only have one friend now–my best friend for 3 years–Megan, who can’t be convinced to leave my side. She and my mom are my only support against all this.
All of the crying, Instagram stalking, begging, analyzing, gossiping, playing detective, pleading and bargaining will get you nowhere and the pity and empathy that you are after will never happen. It turns men off, WAAYYYY off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either. Are you listening? Either make the mistakes that I’ve made in the past or wake the hell up and give this emotionally unavailable f*cktard a run for his money.
He can walk away and probably will if you treat him as property. Instead, view him as a customer. You want to make a loyal customer out of your boyfriend that isn’t forced to buy at your shop, but loves to “shop” at your store because he gets treated better than anywhere else. He then grows to need you, love you, and want you – every single day.
THIS is what I have been waiting to hear! I understand this as the reason we are not together, my ex and I. If I am honest with myself, the times I chose to not engage were because I knew all along instinctively, that he would never be enough for me. And yet, after being rejected, divorced and trying to accept that he will not even speak to me, it hurts terribly.
Regardless of what caused the split between you and your boyfriend, it’s understandable when you start to have hurt feelings and a sense of loss. Sometimes, you can fall into the trap of obsessing over the break-up, or even worse–reaching back out to him. But no matter what happened between you and your ex, it’s time to move on. So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)? We consulted founder of Pink Kisses and expert on break-ups, Ellie Scarborough, to bring you the HC-approved guide to stop obsessing over your ex.
how/why he wouldn’t tell me to move on and let go if he was talking to other girls on a dating app. calling them the pet names he called me and making possible plans with them while I was sitting in the next room. I am heart-broken that he would let me think there was a chance for 4 months
This will obviously work against you – by driving him further away and reinforcing in his mind that he doesn’t want you in his life. Even if it feels good in the short run as a cathartic release of pain and frustration, in the long run it will surely drive him away from you forever.
I am going to be mean for a minute here but it has to be done. If you are trying to get over your ex boyfriend and are committed to doing so then I want you to stop whining. I don’t want to hear how he wronged you or how you wronged him. There is only one time where I think it is ok to feel sorry for yourself and that is literally the day after the breakup. After that I don’t want to hear your complaints.
He broke up with me because we had been arguing for about 3 weeks on and off and he is not willing to forgive me for that, and he didn’t like the fact that I was being harsh with him. I recognize that I was, but there have been periods of time when he’s been cold towards me too and I forgave him and moved on.
I know: I lived that life for 36 years and have b een the modeerator of an abused survivors’ and emotional abuse group for many years. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a book which should be required for everyone on the planet.
My partner for almost 5 years just broke up with me after I had my worse months. I can’t believe he just doesn’t wanna be with me when I was there and stayed with him in his worse years. It’s just now fair. But what can I do I can’t for myself into him when he doesn’t want me anymore. I still love and miss him so much. We have had gone through a lot of hardships together, we survived them and now that he is doing okay; he wants to stay away from me when I need him. God, I swear I am really having a hard time on accepting the reality that he really is gone and its over. But theres only one way to be better. And that is to move on forward and forget about him. And be better than yesterday…
Stop trying to get your ex back if the relationship was toxic or abusive. It might feel temporarily lonely or even boring to be on your own after the end of a tumultuous relationship, but try to ride that feeling out instead of going back to your ex. On again, off again relationships tend to be based on unhealthy patterns that won’t go away. Resist the temptation to jump right back in when you know you’re better off without him.
For real, change yourself for the better; let him see that and he’ll want to be part of it. But you won’t let him back into your world overnight – even if you really, really want to get him back, don’t. You both need some time to appreciate each other for other things then sex. And when the sex does come, it better be mind-blowing. Then again, don’t be clingy and don’t call him every day after that – love all over again – instead, take your time. Let him think about you and worry a bit.
And if he never comes back? What do you REALLY have to lose? An idiot to stalk? At least you’ll stop feeling like an obsessive clown that’s allowing him to weaken the power and strength that you have if you choose to have it.
During the no contact period you’ll need to communicate high DMV to your ex girlfriend…without actually directly communicating with her. Put another way, you’ll need to send signals out that make it clear to her that you’re a high DMV man – without making direct contact with her specifically as you do that. This gives you the best of both worlds, you get the benefits of No Contact but you also get the benefits of boosting your DMV in her mind.
worst advice is to keep in contact and be friends. all that does is set you up for the next let down. much better idea is the 30 day no contact rule. NO MATTER WHAT don’t text, call, do whatever on facebook. he’s OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
This is a classic situation where many women go wrong. In an effort to avoid breaking up completely, you might agree to stay friends after the breakup. But being friends with your ex boyfriend can lead to him seeing you only as a friend, destroying any future chance to be together as a couple.
To truly win him back you are going to have to win him over emotionally, intellectually and physically. Think about the things in those areas that you know he likes. Try to imagine what you have to offer as he would. Get inside his head a little and give him some of the flavor you know he craves and loves. You know him, use that inside knowledge as a tool.
For instance, you can let him see that some other guys are already starting to mingle and be around you but avoid making him feel like you are seriously dating someone as he might misinterpret and think that you have already moved on.
I would add one additional observation, backed up by research findings. When couples have strong skills for talking cooperatively over differences, they find collaborative solutions to “those annoyng little ticks.” Often the solution comes just from more understanding of each other; sometimes small changes that each are glad to make also help enormously.
Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.
It sounds New Age-y, but moving around your furniture literally gives you a fresh perspective, which kind of gives you the kick you need to move forward. At the very least, spring for new sheetsit’ll help get him off your mind now that he’s off your bed.
You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”
This is a great post, thank you. I just had my heart broken into so many pieces. He said he wanted to be engaged 4 weeks ago after a 2 year relationship…and then two weeks after that we broke up because “he fell out of love” and didn’t want to drag me through if he didn’t love me. He was abused as a kid and I think the getting closer scared him, and he hurt me so bad. I decided to stop talking to him today. I thought I was getting over it, but the wave of grief and self pity that happened upon deciding to sever communications definitely cleared that up. Anyway, thanks for that article. Everything and any little thing helps when going through this. As this is my first huge breakup, I had no idea there was a world of people out there experiencing such pain…I will never be insensitive again.
Be the person your ex fell in love with. Try to think back to when the two of you first got together. What about you did he or she love? Was it your quirky jokes, or maybe your amazing sense of style. Whatever it may be, try to rekindle the fire the same way the flame was started before.