What a GREAT article! You are so incredibly right! Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for almost 7 years and then broke up because we weren’t making each other happy anymore. We have survived so many things together though: I have been anorexic for a long period of time, which he helped me pull through; we had a long distance-relationship for almost 2 years because I was loving in China, which we survived, I had a sport-addiction after my anorexia, which we also pulled througj together (don’t get me wrong, it was everything but pretty – it was a very rocky road) and we survived a history of cheating, where he cheated on me when I was living in China because he couldn’t deal with an anorexic-living-on-the-other-side-of-the-globe girlfriend anymore (which I kind of get). Anyways, we’ve been through so much but we never stopped loving eachother and we’ve had an incredibly passionate relationship, probably because it was such a rocky road. We had an incredible physical and emotional connection but once real life started (9 to 5 job, looking for a house, starting to take life seriously) we fell apart. We both realised we were stuck in a life we didn’t want. He needed freedom which I had trouble giving him because of the fear that I would lose him again (cheating). I felt that he was unhappy and whenever he would go out and party, I was afraid that history would repeat itself and he would leave me. The more I stressed out about this, the more freedom he would demand, up to the point that we would end up in huge fights, screaming and crying. I feel like I’ve gone through an amazing growth, so I’m grateful that it happened but I do miss him. It’s been 6 months now since we broke up and I still feel like he’s me soulmate. I have taken the initiative multiple times to cut contact and he always ends up being the one contacting me to tell me how much he thinks about me and misses me, how he feels like he’s just working towards us getting back together, dreaming about marrying one day and having a baby girl but still he doesn’t want to get back together now because he doesn’t want to rush things and fall back in to something without being 100% sure this time that it is what he really wants, a 100% sure that it will work this time around. Which I get, because we broke up exactly because we both needed to figure out what we want from life independently, without having one clouding the judgement of the other. It’s hard because I’m so afraid I will lose him in the process but I guess that I just need to have faith in the saying that “if it is meant to be, it’ll happen”. Up until that time, I need to let go and focus on myself. Which is why I’m going to write down the questioms you mention in the article and read them to myself every day, to figure out what I really want. Do I want to get back together with someone who has that big a need of being free (going out a much as he wants, going on holidays by himself, …). Can I fully trust him again? And then there is then issue of his family, who he is really close to, who (I think) think I’m not good for him – anorexia/ long-distance/ rocky relationship. Do I want to have to deal with that again? This article is the first one that really made me think. Not in terms of “how do I get him back” but in terms of “what do I need and want”. Thank you so SO much! You’re an inspiration ?
There are many ways you can approach this conversation, but one safe way is to say something like, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about our relationship and see how you have been.” Express regret things didn’t work out between you and ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective.
Hi ive been dating my partner for 6 months now. Everything was going perfect for us both.she fell pregnant and i proposed and we got engaged what we both wanted we were both so happy.she decided to have an abortion due to we both wernt financially stable and didnt plan the pregnancy.its was an emotional time for both of us individually. I unfortunately didnt show her support or comfort her during this life changing experience and i made a regretful unmeanful decision and broke up with her.we have been separated for 2 months now and we meet up a month ago caught up for 2 days she mentioned her feelings we still there altho she doesnt want any comments on a relationship at this stage. Until i become more stable and fix some issues i have in my life.I have acknowledged my behavior as i was expressing my hurt emotions and feelings towards her and i begged alittle and didny get me anywhere.. she isnt respondingto my messages or call I’ve respect our situation and havnt its been bit over 2 weeks ive made no contact,until Christmas day i wished her a merry Christmas i didnt get a reply. Im making positive changes in my life and improving my issues. I need some professional guidance and advice aswell as steps to reconnect with my ex.. I sincerely appreciate your understanding and support. Regards Theo
You often heard men complaining ‘they don’t want to get nagged’ – The problem is not in nagging instead men feel their women start showing unsatisfaction of who he is and what he has to offer and that what eats away the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t express your true feelings. Make sure to balance your true feeling with love and admiration to keep fire in your relationship.
This guide covered the basics, but to have a full understanding of what you should do, you should read the full four steps in the How She Wins Him Back eBook. It’s available free of charge and goes over every one of the above steps in detail, ensuring that you have the best chance of success.
However, my ex boyfriend is not currently at the table with me on this one since we are broken up. (He is not ignoring me or saying we will never be together again, but is making it very clear that our relationship is over.) I have been very clingy in the past and ‘convinced him’ to stay with me when there were problems. I think he is worried I will keep doing that so he keeps telling me that it is definitely over.
Throw a pillow against the wall. Fill the tub with your favorite bath salts and immerse your body until the water cools down. Stay home and cry it out, but only for a certain amount of time, according to Cosmopolitan’s website. Whether you’ve chosen one day or three, get it out of your system so that, when your time limit is up, you’ll be sick of crying or hearing that song you’ve been playing nonstop.
And I don’t care what road kill he starts hanging out with. Do not for any reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful or spiteful. Any chick he turns to is a non-entity in your life. Do not deliberately run into him, but if you happen to see him, be cool. Be sweet as pie and busy enough to cut the convo, asap.
Before we continue I must be clear: this step is not about blame. This is a chance for you to improve yourself, something that will benefit you regardless of whether you get your boyfriend back or not.
You will also receive a comprehensive guide on how you can approach him and communicate your plan to get back to him. The guide will also let you gather information on some signs that will help you determine whether it is the perfect time to approach him.
Avoid any situation that might bring you face to face with him. You think “bumping into him by accident” will make him want you more, but it’s more often than not creating a new cycle of hopelessness and desperation. You don’t want to be a yo-yo girl. Actually, you become so much more attractive when he thinks and knows that you’ve truly moved on.
Girls need that element of challenge in their guy…she needs to feel that she won you, but not 100% yet, and to keep her on her toes/from getting bored, you should never let it quite reach 100% in her mind.
If you want someone back that has done that to you, you need to work on your boundaries and self esteem. I’ve totally been there and I know how you feel. I know it’s hard; you’re not alone. What’s done is done but now it’s time to have your own back, speak with your actions and take care of YOU. You deserve so much more and I know you know it ? xoxoxo
It may be the case that the woman knows about you and your ex-boyfriend being in a relationship for some time. But let her take notice of your face and body language, if it’s well enough and there is no sign of hesitation or shock, then you have met your target. We have seen woman getting depressing in such situations and uttering words like” How can you do this to me” and “You’re cheater” etc. But believe me, it’s not going to help you out at all.
I just want to say that your advice is fabulous. This is exactly all the things i needed to hear at the right moment. Im going through a break up and although it is a grief process, i know, i really have been trying to use it as a time to reflect on myself and the situation. #4, 8,9, all greatly resonated with me.
try to keep yourself busy with life things , sports , games , work , family and friends visits , and don’t think about it too much , and remember what ever your ex experience was, you’ll learn from it and grow up to be a lot wiser because of it.
Did you feel at ease, like you could be yourself? Or did you feel constantly stressed and anxious, always on edge? Did you feel judged, like you had to live up to some sort of expectation? Or did you feel seen and accepted? Did you feel like this relationship helped you grow as a person, or did it bring out the worst in you?
My experience is that some abusers are genuinely willing to learn and to apply what they learn so that they cease their controlling and abusive ways (note: the controlling stance as well as the explicit abuse must change for the future to look promising).
Because our mind is trying to heal our heart, the painful memories often get shifted to the background and we find ourselves remembering and longing for the good times. We forget who the person really was and idealize who we wanted them to be. A good strategy for getting past these moments is to simply write down every painful thing you can remember happening during the relationship and read it over to yourself while making the effort to vividly recall those memories until the painful feelings subside. The point here isn’t to stay angry, but to remember the full truth of why the relationship ended. Eventually, letting go of these events will be an important part of the forgiveness and healing process, but in order to let go of something you must first acknowledge and accept that it happened.