After a breakup people make the biggest mistake of begging their ex to take them back. I know it seems like the right thing to do right after a breakup BUT IT’S NOT. In fact, it is the worst thing you can do at this moment.
So here’s my situation. I’ve had a relationship for the past 3.5 years. For a long time prior to those years she had a huge crush on me, but i never really did anything with it. Even still we got together. During the relationship i never really felt i was truly in love with her, at least i thought so. But i also need to mention that i was smoking weed on a daily basis. (She hated that) Which resulted in me not to be able to express my feelings in the right way, or even to be having’ feelings. During this time i was unemployed and living in her house pretty much rent-free, and even still she was the sweetest girl in the world for me. (make’s me sick to my stomach even thinking about that now) I was a really selfish guy over the years, never surprised her or anything like that and have been taking’ her for granted During the entire relationship. Never really considered her feelings. (Again, sick to my stomach) So due to text messages she started building a emotionally relationship with some guy she met a bar way back before our relationship. Can’t really blame her for that giving the fact i was emotionally unavailable due to smoking weed. It always stayed with text messaging she claims and i believe her. This lasted from May to August. I forgave her. Last September we’ve been on holiday together, for here it was a sort of last attempt to save our relationship. Which i didn’t knew at the time. So i continued in my own selfish ways, and continued smoking weed. She was slipping right from under my nose and i didn’t even noticed. After the holiday we’ve stayed together until November 10th which is when she dumped me. Again, cant blame her, thinking back i am surprised she even last this long with me. Since then i have stopped smoking weed, cant even stand the smell of it, got a job, and starting to express my emotions again. Needless to say that i want her back, in fact i feel like im in love with her. She says its to late, that she really would want it but that her feelings for me has changed. However, she does keep contacting me, even send some nudes and stuff like that but still don’t want te be in a relationship anymore. Also does she really badly wants to stay friends and gets really upset if i suggest to brake contact, just because i cant handle this form of contact we are having right now, simply because i want her back so badly. Do think NC will do the trick? I’ve been trying it 2 times already but never got past 2/3 days as she keeps calling/texting me and i feel bad for her and cave. And its hard for me as well of course. Sorry for my English, im from Europe.
If you’ve just broken up with your lover, don’t waste time suffering terribly. Get yourself together to hop on the self-growth journey that will make you a magnet to great lovers/relationship, as well as your ex.
Be honest with yourself: If the idea of going to another party alone makes you cringe, you’re more likely craving a quick fix for loneliness, not your ex, says Michael Broder, PhD, author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? And sooner or later, you’ll be saying “We need to talk” all over again. But if you can picture backpacking across Europe with him next summer — and he can too — your heart is probably in the right place.
Most of this guide will show you how to remove these needy and desperate feelings from your body. Even if you are feeling horrible inside, you have to act like you are completely okay with your breakup.
A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.
It was just a mask. Beware, as if you both go back to your old ways of arguing and dealing with problems, you’ll get back to where you were – apart. Don’t let that happen. Don’t get lazy and don’t take things for granted. The first few weeks of being together again as also the first few weeks where he’s most likely to “run for his life” and leave you or just decide that you shouldn’t have gotten back together in the first place.
My boyfriend broke up with after 5 1/2 months of dating. We met on a dating site and we hit it off immediately. We had amazing dates and talks. We had a powerful connection immediately. I met his dad he met my dad. He lives 45 minutes away from me but we still saw each other every 10 days or so, sometimes more frequent. He wanted to be exclusive after date 3. We talked about taking trips in the future and other plans. We did have the where is this going talk and it seemed we were on the same page. His job was taking a lot out of him and he was definitely stressed. I pulled back a little to not give him any pressure. His Good morning texts and Goodnight texts were becoming less. Then he didn’t text or call for 3 days. He seemed very distant the last couple of weeks. I ended up texting him about why he wont talk to me and whats going on. He then called the next morning and broke up with me. He said he is still grieving his divorce ( from a year ago) and feels fear. He started counseling and he said they talk about me. He loves and fears me. He needed time to figure things out but he ended it, no maybe’s or well see.
I think you are risking more hurt by pursuing him. You shouldn’t try to avoid relationships altogether, but you should try to avoid relationships like this where you spend two years being on and off with a guy without any progress. I don’t think you have a future with him. I’ll also suggest you remove him from social networks.
So, stop over-thinking things. I know you have very strong feelings for him, but you jumped into the relationship knowing there will issues. And these are the issues that come with dating a man going through a divorce. If you are going to freak out every time he doesn’t say “I miss you” in his texts, you are going to drive yourself crazy (and possibly very sick with the smoking). So calm down.
The first thing you will need to do is to find out if he still wants you back. If he has really moved on and is not interested in getting back together with you then you could be wasting your time or just end up embarrassing yourself in front of him.
I have picked myself up already. I’m months past the grieving stage, I just want her to feel confident about giving us another chance. She has told me she notices I’m more calm and that she likes that, yet I think she has been skeptical about trying again. When I think of her I don’t feel bad. I know we had something meaningful. But I don’t really know what no contact is supposed to be doing for me right now if I’ve picked myself up. I’ve made peace with whatever happens, but I want her to pick up on the newer version of me.
Make sure you sit down with your ex face-to-face to discuss how things will change. An in-person conversation may give you a tiny glimpse into your future as a renewed couple. “You have to be attuned to what they are doing in response to you,” says Dr. Davila. For example, if you’re chatting about how the two of you will communicate better and your partner keeps interrupting or blaming you, then you know the second time around won’t be any different. Actions always speak volumes in comparison to words.
On the 8th of march he turned crazy again because of me saying ‘you are so silent, why?’. We were planning a holiday week, and even our summer holiday. And he again said HE’S NOT IN LOVE, what should he say? He said even when he was looking like he’s in love, he was NOT! WHY DON’T I GET IT. And the next moment he brought me home, and aked for my keys. I didn’t want to convince him anymore. I left him without a word. He said he goes home to collect my things. After only ONE HOUR he called me on phone, and cried, that he can’t collect my things, he doesn’t want to leave me, he misses me, this relationship is the most precious in his life, we should meet up now. I said it’s not a good idea, so he offered a 2-week break. He even admitted that his antidepressants might be a reason for his bad months. Only a week was over the break, he called me cheerfully and said, that he’s fine (without me), so he collected my things and will get to me in 20 mins……………..
Just imagine a scenario where you don’t want to talk to a person and they are sending you a text message every 5 minutes. Your inbox is filled with hundreds of messages by them, even though you haven’t replied to even one. And later on at night, that person gets drunk and calls you and start saying complete and utter non-sense. What would you think of that person? Would it make you want to start a new relationship with them?
We were about to get married, I was getting the stone shaped for the ring, then she broke up with me. I’m not sure what exactly the reason is, because there are many. I’m a jealous person, and I will not apologize for being one, her attitude has always pushed me to say unnecessary things, like another guy hugs/kisses her and so on, I’m pretty sure that most men are like me, I am not OK with my women sharing her body with another even if she thinks it’s innocent. Few days before we breakup, she went on a trip with her sister and friends and there was a guy with his gf Who used to live with her sister and her sister’s husband, that guy has crossed the line many times, I always warned her about him and she felt upset when I talked like that about him and always defended him and justified his actions. Eventually, he started going in the hot tub while she was their with his gf and he sat next to her!!!!. He joined them and started touching her while knows that she’s shy. I got mad at my fiancee and said unnecessary things. It made her so mad and she went in her room in the hotel and cried, then he followed her and saw her crying and hugged her. Then, she vented with him and he told her to breakup with me and she did!!!!!!!! This stranger we barely know did this to me!!! I’ve done so many stupid things to change her mind, even I was so close to hurt myself, you know. Anyways, we stopped talking for couple days then she contacted me while she was in the hot tub with her sister, him, his gf. But, all the sudden she freaked out because he touched her Va****… And yet, she justified for him and said it was an accident. I tried to act cool about it but I was burning inside. Now she doesn’t wanna get back at all and admits that she has some feelings, yet, still saying it’s impossible to get back together and it is over… I really don’t know what to do, we broke up more than 2 weeks ago and we both are miserable. I followed your EBP tips and started no contact but she kept contacting and I fail and talk to her. I’m writing this long comment after I did what I think is a huge mistake, I sent her “I love you” and a kiss emoji on whatsapp. I guess she saw it and pretending like she didn’t. I see nothing in this god damn planet but being together again and continue our beautiful dream. I can’t move on, can’t stop thinking, I failed to fulfill the EBP requirements, should I start over?? WHAT SHOULD I DO??!!!
That’s all because of their vibe. Because of their negativity, their vibe suffers, and it doesn’t feel good to be around them. If their vibe was good (because they worked on being in a good mood more), then you would feel happy and excited to talk to them.
Don’t beat yourself over it. These are all knee-jerk reactions after a breakup. The important thing is to realize they are mistakes and not do them again. Your relationship can still be saved if you don’t repeat these mistakes again. The best thing you can do to repair damage done is to follow step 2 diligently.
How do you know if it will work this time? You don’t. Like any relationship, it has its own chance for success or failure. However, you already have the knowledge of what doesn’t work with him, so you’re ahead of the game.
If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).
Take out your planner or set reminder that is exactly 30 days from now and mark it as ‘contact day’. Avoid contacting your ex before contact day. That means no email, text message and message on social site additionally, no stalking physically and on the internet. Keep yourself busy with your friends, career and hobbies and keep yourself away from sitting in the dark alone.
Now feel like a healing light is flowing from the center of the body spreading the scene of golden glow. Imagine this healing light is wrapping around the anger memory and removing it with the sweetness of forgiveness.
Being socially active helps you regain your confidence and realize that your ex isn’t the only person in the world for you. If you spend time with your friends and other girls, you will feel better about yourself and realize other girls are interested in you as well.
Understanding his feelings will not only help you to get to know him on a deeper level, it will also help you to have a more harmonious and meaningful relationship with him and form a stronger connection if the two of you do get back together.
If something makes you angry or upset, you should address it, but you should not do it the way you used to do. You should breathe, calm down and tell her clearly what makes you upset and what are your boundaries.
Throughout our courtship, I was utterly under the control of my ex-girlfriend. I let her walk all over me. She would call me at 4 A.M. and only stop calling when I answered. Being in college, I decided to drive down south where she lived to see if our relationship could work. I asked Mary to wait for me while I figured it out. She didn’t want to. Obviously.
It’s hard to slam on the brakes when you’re making up for lost time, not to mention enjoying being so familiar with each other. But admit it or not, you’ve both changed and need to take time to get reacquainted. “Try to look at it as a brand-new relationship,” says relationship therapist Bethany Marshall, PhD, author of Deal Breakers.
Eventually she couldn’t handle me demanding affection, proof that she liked me e.t.c and she obviously had a negative view on relationships as it was and this was over the top. After i gave a ridiculous and badly thought out ultimatum of affection showing or leave she ended it. An important thing to understand here is despite my age (16 then now 17) i really do think her to be something important to me and that my feelings were in fact genuine and not childish thoughts. So after the break up i was obviously a mess and with winter approaching i couldn’t deal with anything very well and life was terrible, also in the following 2 months i had my fair share of desperate begging and late night apologizing and “i want you back”s.
Even worse you start to lose your personality and what makes you appealing and unique in order to be something that you think that your ex wants you to be. But you are wrong! Your ex doesn’t want you to be a person who says yes to everything they say and who never stands up to them.
Remember that in this case a non-action (not reaching out to them) is in fact a very powerful action that will cause a reaction from your ex one way or the other; even if they don’t tell you how they feel when they don’t hear from you.
Men often cheat in the relationship but when women cheat it is because of her boyfriend display one of these six deadly qualities that are way too controlling, getting jealous, having low-esteem, being needy, unfaithful and seeking validation at everything.