The first bit of advice that I have for you is to not let the distance overwhelm you. Realize that there’s probably nothing that you can do to change this factor otherwise you probably wouldn’t have been in a long distance relationship to begin with.
thing is, i cant open up to him about how i feel and that theres still a part of me that wants to get back together (altho i have completely gotten over our breakup and ive dated a guy in between those 6months) hes just always busy with his friends on his free time and i cant complain abt why we cant hang out or why he wont make time 2 hang out with me coz im not in the position to (not his gf).. and now these thoughts just eat up my head..i cant even ask if he is seein anyone or is intrested in anyone..i hinder myself coz im scared but these thoughts just eat me up..
So 2 years ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years because I was nervous about settling down and had just graduated college and felt that I needed to be on my own for a little bit. The instant I broke up with him I knew that I had made a mistake but knew he hated me so much I tried to hide my feelings. Well now I can’t hide my feelings anymore and I am still in love with him and realized what a great relationship we had and brought the good out in each other. At this time he is currently dating someone else but we continue to speak weekly and say how much we miss and love each other. I am currently on the West coast while he is on the East coast. I gave him a decision earlier this year that I would move home to be with him. Well after many weeks of talking to one another and him telling me how unhappy he is in his current relationship, he said he can’t ask me to move home. I was devastated. I am actually moving home in a few weeks due to a family member becoming ill. Do I try to win him back when I move home or leave it as is? I know he still loves me and I still love him.
Is it worth saving this? Right now he’s mad cause I left again. I gwt his frustration. Costs alot of money on both parts. The kids are torn from an vice versa. All I ask is help me help us. Im helping my own self by being in therapy. AND my alcoholism never turned into violence. I drank alone. He never drank. But I got emotionally/verbally assaulted. He needs help. But jeeez.. I love him.. feel for him an let him go.. With the kids.. we are frikn funny together an it feels right. But man.. his mouth is terrible.
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because of the distance and the fact that he has lost feelings for me (about this he wasn’t really certain though…). I have accomplished NC succesfully and got in touch again with him in the begining of December. We started to have small talks, videochating occasionally and we have even achieved an active snap activity. However, recently, to be more exact, when going back to school he started to be distant and cold. I know that he has a lot of work as now he is in exam period, but he always replies short and almost after 24 or 16 hours, which is not typic of him.
I now find myself wondering what the best way forward is, although he has given me some hope by saying that he still wants to date and try and rekindle the spark he has also crushed any hope I have by moving further away from me and saying that ok ye we’ll date but it might not actually lead to our relationship being given another go. I now find myself in this weird limbo where I don’t really know what to do and crying on a daily basis! I have read your article and have found it very helpful. Could you advice what you think would be best to do? Thanks.
Men want to be with a woman who is happy with herself, up-beat and fun to be with. Although it is highly unlikely that you will feel like being the life of the party while you’re going through a break-up, not going to the other extreme by crying and acting desperate will definitely count in your favour when trying to get him back.
You are going to have to pretend like that other person doesn’t exist; when you talk to your ex, when you are on social media (for your own sake and sanity), and even when friends and family try to bring up the fact that your ex is with someone else. You won’t accomplish anything positive by talking about their new boyfriend or girlfriend.
For the last 3 yrs I was the one who reach out to him every time he leave, now I am applying the no contact, is been 2 weeks, is been hard but I told myself I will have to keep my ground for at least 3 months before I consider reaching out to him. Do you think he will reach out to me this time around? if so, any idea after how long he will reach out to me? I think I may got him used to me giving in all the time.
The only way of knowing for sure is actually moving on. Once you’re over him, you can reconsider the possibility of getting back together. But if you still feel sad and mourning, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Just don’t. You may convince yourself that you genuinely miss him and not the relationship, but you are only fooling yourself.
2nd – It will create ‘fear of loss’ in your ex girlfriend’s mind. Your girlfriend will start thinking why he is not contacting me. She may start giving second-guessing to her decision for not contacting you and once she gets these feelings you will get good chance to get her back.
I appreciate you sharing your story with me. Getting back with an ex after years apart can be tricky, especially if he has a child. However, the most crucial next step is going to be HOW to reach out. The initial contact must not involve any verbiage regarding the past or the breakup, and must be non-threatening. If you need help with this process, we can tailor the next few contacts together.
He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.
For a lot of guys reading this; the idea of accepting the breakup will be a tough one. You may even trick yourself into thinking that you have accepted the breakup when you are secretly still hoping that things will go back to the way they were.
However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.
Now these are just some basic examples, but these types of messages will make your ex pause and think about you in a different way. Of course you need to follow up with more AND be smart about what you say when they respond.
Take out calendar and mark the date that is 30 days from now and in this time make sure you don’t contact your ex, stop getting notification from your ex boyfriend in your Facebook profile and don’t appear in places where you think your ex boyfriend will be there. Doing this will help you in removing negative feelings.
One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It’s not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.
Once your anger is out, you can see the actual reason behind it. You will decide on how to respond these angry feelings instead of avoiding them. If you continue ignoring your anger reasons they will continue to hunt you down and make your life easy.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Though you should avoid making the same mistakes, if you’re constantly obsessing over not making them, you won’t be able to enjoy the relationship. Just have fun and try not to think about it too much unless you’re having a conflict. If you’re so worried that you’ll lose him again every step you take, you won’t be able to live in the moment.
Watch actions, don’t listen to words. No matter how much your ex promises he’ll never touch another drop of booze, or another woman, or will definitely get a job this time, don’t listen to anything. Watch to see how he behaves. Remember it’s his actions in the relationship that will determine everything. And watch for changes before agreeing to another chance.