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But the more breakups I’ve gone through, the better I’ve gotten about making sure when the person walks out the door, so does my anxious desire to hold on them. Here are the 5 foolproof steps I’ve found for how to get over someone you love:
You will need to begin by sorting your thoughts out. Even if there’s a chance, some distance is first required before re-initiating contact with your ex. Distance does not mean time frame of the breakup but rather, the amount of contact made during the particular time frame, and the changes you’ve made to impress her. Right now, she needs to deal with the emotional trauma of losing a child. She is pushing you away probably because you are unable to provide the emotional support she requires, and by constantly pestering her, you lower your own chances because she will eventually lose respect and feelings for you. I would still recommend no contact first, and to figure out where you need to grow as a person, before thinking about winning her back.
It was Alexander Graham Bell who once said, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
It means that your negative emotions are in control of you. The pain of heartbreak is in control of your mind (and driving you towards all sorts of bad instincts, described in Step 2), and if you don’t detox and get rid of that pain it will push him away from you for good.
It is important to grieve the loss of the relationship and to feel and release the pain that resulted from the broken relationship. This takes time. Forgiving any hurts is another helpful piece of advice. This is not easy but you may slowly start to realize that UNforgiveness hurts you more than the other party. It may take a while to get over a relationship but even if you can see a little progress over time, I am sure that will encourage you. I have heard that grief doesn’t present itself in a neat package. Sometimes it is two steps forward and three back. Time also helps but I don’t necessarily think time all by itself is the answer. I hope this helps and/or encourages someone.
You still need to be able to go out and enjoy yourself alone. Getting together with a group of friends, put more effort into your work or even take on a new hobby that you have always wanted to try is a great place to start.
OK, so that may be a bit dramatic. But that voice really is up to no good; it is the beaten down and broken-hearted part of you that simply isn’t capable of thinking clearly. And if you truly want to know how to win your ex boyfriend back, you have drown out that voice.
This is a really helpful article! I was dating my ex for 8 months. I became needy, unreasonable and difficult to be with due to my insecurities and hormonal problems, which pushed him to breaking up with me. I’ve now realized my wrongdoings. Do you think that this article changes if I was the one that ruined things?
I am in the same situation. I’ve had several relationships before but my ex was the first guy I really deeply loved. We had incredible chemistry and I was his first girlfriend. He had qualities that no one else I knew had and we shared many interests that are not easy to find in others. He was incredibly loyal and loving and even though I adored him I often didn’t show him how much he meant to me. I pushed him to work harder and criticised him for his failings – to me it felt like I was helping him and that once he was on track we would be able to relax and build on our future. I just wanted him to succeed but it made me into a misery and a nag. The last year of our relationship was very stressful due to university exams and uncertainties. He is very lazy which was a constant source of disagreement between us and I felt that it made me into a very negative person as I was worried that he would not become more organised. It was far too much pressure and I bitterly regret projecting my worries for my own future onto him. Our family lives compounded the problems between us as we were both very unhappy at home. Previously we had been at university together but being separated and in bad environments took its toll. He coped better than I did and I pushed him away. These arguments spilled over into our relationship and I allowed sadness and fights at home to turn into an ever present atmosphere of negativity and stress. He broke up with me and didn’t want me to contact him again. Our relationship had been very close and open – there was a lot of love, kindness and affection as well as the bad elements. After a few messages that day asking to work things out and telling him how much I loved him (he didn’t reply) I never sent him another message nor heard from him. 4 months later and I have hardly met anyone else or been intimate with anyone – physically or emotionally. I know that even though I will move past it (admittedly, we were not the most compatible) I will really struggle to find someone else who I connect with in such a deep way and who I find so special and attractive. I have offers for dates but even though the guys are handsome or are friends, I just don’t find them interesting in that way. I know that I will find someone else in the future and will have another good even great relationship, but I know that I will always compare things to my ex and part of me will always feel that my heart and soul is with him. I don’t think that there is anything that can be done about this – some people are more loving than others and when you just happen to be lucky enough to click with someone in a special way it is very difficult to lose that bond. I think everyone has the ability to be a ‘penguin’ (my ex used to say that he was one and that he could never be with another girl in the same way) but not everyone happens to develop a relationship with someone who they can click with. We were both lucky and unlucky in that respect because we met someone amazing but now have to adjust to life without them because things weren’t able to work out. I wish that I could talk to my ex and at least have a friendship with him as we shared so much together and the loss is very painful. But if you offer an olive branch and it still isn’t enough you must accept that for the other person their feelings are either different or they are resigned to not wanting you in their life.
last paragraph about having the time to get perspective on how we are together and what do we mean to each other. And that it has shown me I like the simplest of things between us and I want us to have a second chance. I like how everyday was little better sharing it with him. Few things like I like to hear him giggle, or tell him about my dreams/jokes and him making fun of it, or discussing cricket or a movie or some random thing in the world or hear him talk passionaltely about his nephew or a theory he has or some political party’s agenda. That I missed him. That I want him.
So one of two things will happen… he will either get his act together and clearly, unambiguously and boldly do what he needs to in order to get on the same page with you in terms of the relationship you want… or he won’t and you’ll know that it was never going to happen. [otp_overlay]