1. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give him time to miss you more and he will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting him. Remember all the mistakes in Part #1 of this guide. Every one of them made your ex think of you as a needy person. By not contacting him, you immediately become not needy in his mind.
Hey Ryan, so I’m not worried that she’s seeing other people, atleast not yet. She didn’t date much before me and from everything I can tell, she isn’t dating much or at all right now. She initiated the breakup and asked to still be friends, but she’s got an icy demeanor towards me just about anytime we interact. She’s said that she’s mad at me but refuses to tell me what about. Something is bothering her but she’s not telling me and I promise I’m not calling her everyday, begging her or anything like that. It’s been a couple months like this and it’s after no contact ended, how can I get her to start communicating with me?
Note also that therapy is virtually always more potent if the couple goes together for some of the sessions. Paulette, after initial reluctance, decided to schedule sessions with Peter’s therapist as well. They sometimes saw the therapist separately, and sometimes together which helped them to recognize and rectify the problematic patterns in their prior interactions. When both partners participate in a process of growth, the odds zoom up that the outcome will be positive for both of them.
I’m on day 31 of no contact. You told me to do 45 day no contact. I was on holiday: I’m back now and I feel extra worse, the worst ever. I miss him so much but I feel he’s still bitter and the no contact work. Can you please help? Obv after 45 days I have to do the text message but how do I do it if I’ve already sent a no contact message last month after 26 days of no contact? What do I say? And what if he doesn’t reply. Please help. Why am I feeling emotional worse? And he hasn’t even contacted me
My name is Timea and I am 21 years old and had a long-distance relationship for 7 months. I am really glad that I have found your site, the NC wasn’t so lonely and hard as I was expecting thanks to your advice. You helped me a lot and gave amazing tips, that gave me unexpected results, so thank you very much!
I have no specific advice other than to relax, slow down, rebuild your confidence–and give him time to do the same. Also, be sure you’ve seriously learned from your prior mistakes lest you reconnect and make the same errors.
Many quiz-makers are inspired to create quizzes on the twin topics of dating and relationships. Are you a good boyfriend/girlfriend? Will your significant other cheat? Is your relationship built to last? Try out these quizzes and and find the answers!
This article is for anyone looking to get an ex back. May it be your ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex wife, ex husband or an ex fiancé. May it be a straight relationship or a gay relationship. If you just broke up, and are thinking about winning your ex back, you will find this article helpful and enlightening.
And after the break up my ex husband indicated he wanted me back (we have two kids) but I refused because I want someone better. Also, interestingly right after the break-up my former neighbour asked me out for a drink through facebook. But I did not want to play with others since I am into my ex boyfriend. So I refused especially because I know that my neighbour would be serious about the relationship. He was trying with me previously, confessed his feelings but he is too simple for me: I mean he is not interested in deeper things and I am. So I refused him previously as well. And I am chatting with a guy who is quite interested in me. So as you can see I dont have to feel that I would not have any other chance. I am on dating sites. I am friendly and quite ok for my age. Also, i have 4 degrees. So I am not absolutely stupid. Men are attracted to me. And I am 38. I am after a 20 year long marriage so obviously I know my feelings for this guy wont last forever. I am not that naive. The main point is that: I would like one more chance with this guy because maybe we would get on very well if I try seriously. And since I realized that I need not only sex but someone who loves me and who I can love, at the end of the day I have to change my approach/behaviour anyway. So why not now and why not with this guy. It is not that easy to find someone who is interested in deep-speaking and still sober enough and who behaves in a loving way towards me. Also we were perfectly in synch in sex. So what else would I want? Of course maybe it wont work. I am realistic. I know this guy only for 3 months and we had fights. I am nornmally not an agressive type but I was the one who started the fight, he remained polite while I was swearing. This shows that I tried to protect myself from emotions. He realized that it is my fear but i did not want to realize. And you know I want this only if it works well. Basically I dont want this guy at any cost but I wanna see where it goes if I really try without fears. Maybe he is the right person for me.
If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.
Hi my name is Shelley me and my ex broke up last week and he all a rest got a new girlfriend and it’s was drama in our relationship and I did break up with but do u think he still loves me and he keep on staring at me every single day I don’t know that’s means and I still loves him I need help and can someone help me please??
I am deeply in love with my ex, and i know he is too. He is just like a girl tho so indecisive. doesnt know what he wants.. he does know he wants me, but he thinks that he cant tell me. he has an issue with expressing his feelings. and he has made me cry, and been a jerk sometimes… but i still love him soo much and dont know what ill do without him.
Well Its been 3 months. I did reach out with a text to wish him Happy Holidays. He responded with the same. He then has been liking my Facebook posts and even commented. I feel he wants to be in contact with me.
I been strting this guy for one year n than he went through my phone and sow that i was chatting to this other guy bt nothng was goin on betwn me and the other guy…i begged him so many times after our break up he goes back to his ex galfriend and they dating again…we stil chat on whatsapp and facebook but everytime this galfriend comes over his place he would tell me n than block me…he says he stil loves me bt love the other gal more…i love him so much but dnt know what to do…plz adive me plz
The higher the percentage score on a scale of 10% to 100% of your quiz results, the higher the chance that the situation is good for your ex to come back to you or if you can get your ex back. If your score seems low, that does NOT mean that it is impossible for your ex to come back or for you to get your ex back. I’ve seen situations that seemed impossible lead to an ex sending a text or reaching out in another way and the two of them getting back together. Setting up a coaching call with me will, to say the least, maximize your chances of getting your ex back. With the emotional state that you are in, it is next to impossible for you to think rationally or logically and that is why it is important to involve a neutral third party. If that third party is an experienced expert like me, you’re helping yourself get your ex back.
Hi thanks for the great advice! Also it’s hard with the NC rule due to we work together. Just today I talked with her for the first time in 4 days only because I have to at work. Although I said hello and merry Christmas, it was still strictly only work related . She was very dry with me even though it was only work related.
Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.
It would do you better to walk away from this since he has already prioritized another female over you and has even expressed his disinterest, which might have been caused by the loss of spark or interest after so many years.
So let go of over-thinking about the other. That’s part of what doesn’t work in relationships. Responsive is fine, Trying to guess all the time what the other person thinks or will do, that’s disaster.
A few days later she got in contact with me and I arranged another date. Breakfast was all I could do due to me leaving for home. It went well. So well, that she wanted to see me once more before I left. On this date she mentioned that she would be in my city in April, and that we should get drinks when she’s there. Once again, no signs that she wanted to be kissed during this date either. She even said “I know you want to kiss me, but it’s not going to happen” and I was kind of bummed. I followed her to the interstate and before I got on it I decided to try my luck and I told her to pull over. She said “No, I know you want to kiss me and it’s not happening” so I kept my cool. On the way home, she called me and I mentioned to her that she could come out to my place to visit me next weekend. As soon as I said this, she got very angry and told me that the dates were just to “keep our friendship” and that we aren’t dating anymore. She went on to tell me she had already slept with another guy. I kept my composure as best as I could but needless to say this really confused me. Where did I go wrong?
Peter discovered that if he wanted to talk with his wife, he would get the best results if he asked from a stance of self-respect. He tried asking if she would meet him for coffee. She replied, “Sure!” In fact, the groveling and self-deprecation that Peter had learned as a child were the opposite of what his wife wanted. The more confidently he addressed her, the more positively she responded.
Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.
Thank you for your reply, he has not blocked me just deleted me, I got the impression that it was out of anger but I’m not sure. He has not blocked my phone number so should I message when NC is over?
Making a positive change in your physical appearance is going to give you a fresh look. You are going to feel new and you are going to feel better. And when your ex sees you after the no contact period, they are going to see a new you. Here are a few things you can do.
thank you! i agree, but he keeps saying he needs time and space and as of right now, he thinks too much has happened between us that can’t be erased. i was going through a hard time and that negativity may have brought him down, but he never told me how he felt until he ended things so i never had the chance to fix that. i’m hoping giving him this time and space he wants will make him realize it, but do you think it may just be too far gone in his mind? i really want a second chance since now i know what his problems with me were, i see how easily fixable they are. i just don’t know how to show him that!
Dating again to re-kindle the spark immediately after the breakup doesn’t usually work well, because not enough time has passed since then for real changes to have been made for fresh feelings to develop. Additionally, old habits would still remain, and it could easily turn into a situation where you face all the problems of a relationship, but not the full benefits of it since you guys are only ‘dating’. I suggest taking some time off to actually focus on yourself since he is doing the same, and gauge the situation again later on.
My apologies, I must have missed that point. Yes, Dan is right. You shouldn’t let what she did in the time you guys were broken up affect you, because she was free to do whatever she wanted back then. The important thing is that now she’s with you, it doesn’t continue to happen. If it’s an issue that’s bothering you, sit down and have a talk with her to tell her how you feel, and find a way to compromise so that respect for one another can be earned. As Dan had also mentioned, her lack of respect for you was probably attributed to the past relationship and how you acted. Ideally, if you followed no contact rule, you should have worked on those issues by now, and made some significant changes in your life which would change the way she views you.
The key to using text messages is to be very subtle. Never ever directly talk about your feelings or about your relationships. You want them to associate text messages to something positive and fun. Here are the rules for texting your ex.
Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.
Dr. Heitler, what a great article! These are really good tips, I will definitely read this again before I see him. This is exactly the kind of positivity I want to emulate with him. I am very willing to put any pressures aside and just focus on trying to rekindle a new relationship where we trust and enjoy each other again.
Hey, Ryan. I was with my ex for almost three years. She broke it off five months ago. I was in a bad place at the time and was causing a lot of unnecessary discussions. I took care of my problems and I’ve been working on myself a lot since. I insisted on getting back together for the first two months, which didn’t work. We have kept in touch this time, but not in a flirty way. Plus she hasn’t agreed to go out with me. We saw each other twice on October, but she has declined to see me since. I tried no contact back in November and after 12 days she texted saying she missed her best friend (me). I started conversations and she said she was working on stuff of her own, but then started kind of ignoring me. For a while, I wished she would just shut the door on us so I could move on, and the fact that she refuses to do that makes me believe she still sees us together, though I don’t want to be seen like an option and that I’ll just run right back whenever she wants. I sent her flowers for Christmas, for which she thanked me and sent me a picture of them a week later out of the blue, but I didn’t make conversation. Early this year I asked if I could see her and she said no (actually says “not now”. Like I said, she always sort of evades being straightforward, and I don’t know what to make of that). I decided to get more serious with no contact. It’s been like 15 days and I’m getting the no contact “symptom” of thinking she doesn’t care/is trying to forget about me, etc. Is it too late to be doing no contact? What are your insights on her attitude of not giving clear answers? Thanks!
‘He kissed my forehead and slit my throat’: Teacher’s wife describes the moment her husband put a knife to her neck and tried to kill her after she discovered he was having sex with a 14-year-old student