Thank you Ryan. There was a discussion, when I was expressing worries about how negative she sounded and her repeating how bad she is which I strongly disagreed with, and a discussion about where to live together that she started, which was all strange. I asked her what made her feel inadequate and she repeated that it’s just how a relationship makes her feel, and that she can’t have this discussion, and basically broke contact. Very sudden, very extreme, and very bizarre and I’m left with questions and I feel very confused. I asked her if this is about someone else, she strongly denied it, and I hope she speaks the truth, because I trusted her completely, and this would be a major disappointment in her and in people in general…I wish she could tell me what this is really about.

As far as etiquette goes, the one who does the asking should do they paying, Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute says. Stay smooth by working out who pays ahead of time rather than waiting for the bill to arrive.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation, it’s so sad. If you want my advice, you should give him some space for some few weeks, don’t try to call him, don’t pressure him into confessing his love, he will slip between your fingers, just let him breathe and feel free, then start escalating things slowly and don’t try to do the things you love, have fun with your baby and try to live your life for yourself, he’ll find you so attractive again that he wont be able to hold himself but come back to you.

4. Do some meditation. Be aware of yourself. Know your weaknesses and strengths. Be proud of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. That’s what confidence is all about. Neediness (which is very unattractive) comes from doubts within yourself. Whereas confidence comes from awareness and accepting yourself.

Sometimes we’re just so aware of how we’re acting and the intentions we bring across that whatever we do becomes unnatural. It’s important to be yourself at the end of the day and build up a bond without such ‘motives’ in mind. Remember how he fell for you the very first time. It wasn’t because of motives but simply two people who connected and liked each other. That’s how you should be going about things.

He agreed to meet me and, at first, seemed really excited. We had a great first two hangouts. Then, on the third, I confessed that I wanted to get back together. I acted desperately, when I should have played it cool. He said he’s enjoying focusing on himself right now and that it’s not where he’s at anymore. He didn’t outright say it, but I’m afraid he’s moved on.

and so my ex just ended it all he claims is coz we are far from each other dats y he ended it he was tired of waiting I still love him and he is dating already is there any chance of me getting him back

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)

It could be that there were things he didn’t feel okay about but never shared with you, or it could have been completely for no reason and he started taking the relationship for granted (hence the lack of effort), which is common for many relationships that have gotten too comfortable. If you really want to know, I suggest speaking to him and asking him to be honest.

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

At this point, you might start wondering how no contact is going to effect your ex and what you should do about it. This section covers most of the doubts you may have regarding no contact. If you still need more information, read this article.

Alice, Your comment highlights a vital point. Upgrading skills only works if BOTH partners are willing to make skill upgrades. If only the partner of the abuser is making changes, the odds of success are close to zero. Worse, becoming more assertive with a violent partner can be downright dangerous.

I had a girlfriend of 4 years that started right before we both attended college. The sex was great, relationship was awesome, we both were givers. We even made it work while she attended school 7 1/2 hours away for an entire year. I recently moved 4 hours away for a job and as soon as I did, the relationship took a turn. It was a pain to get her to come visit me, and whenever I went and visited her I always had to hang with her and her friends. No alone time. We kept getting in fights and eventually she ended it by saying she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I went nuts for a few weeks until I found your work and initiated NC. She got back in touch with me after a few weeks and I arranged a date.

Peter and Paulette have agreed that they need still more time before they make a final split-up or re-unite decision.  Paulette is wary of false hope.  She wants to be certain that she can trust that Peter’s changes will hold, and hers as well.  

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.