Stop Comparing And See Your Relationship Flourish
Just the other night I was watching a movie with Melanie Griffith where she is less than two days from being beaten to death on top of several other devastating problems. Yet there she was in bed making love to her man like everything was normal. Then they discuss their deadly dilemma afterwards.
How many women do YOU know who can so completely set aside SERIOUS problems like that and still be a wildcat in bed?
What effect on my marriage do you think there would be if I would – even just in my own mind – criticize my wife because she was not able to do that like Melanie’s character did?
Here is a reality check: Your romance will never measure up to those in the movies. If you often are comparing your relationship with what you see on the big screen or even what you think you see in other people, you will never be satisfied with your romance. The result will be that both of you will end up being hurt in the long run.
Are you just a little curious as to why it is such a bad thing to compare your relationship or marriage to those “picture perfect” one depicted in Hollywood’s productions?
Here is why your relationship/marriage will never measure up to those – and why that is nothing to worry about.
Movies Use Professional Script Writers
Hollywood uses scripts, and maybe a little ad-libbing.
These script writers spend days, weeks and even months agonizing over the right words and sequence of events to create a “plausible” conversation that we would like to believe. One huge benefit they have is control of all sides of the conversation. In real world relationships, you only get control of what you say and that’s even liable to slip when things get tense.
While they might get “inspiration” from real life events, you can bet the conversation is manufactured to work the way they want it to. After all, who would buy tickets to see a normal husband and wife discussing their day over coffee in the morning?
Hollywood Gets Lots Of “Takes” or “Do-Overs”
In our own relationships, especially when we are young, we often speak first and worry about what we said later. That does not happen in Hollywood. The director just cuts the scene and takes a break when things aren’t flowing the way he/she wants things to go.
I am betting your partner does not give you an opportunity to re-think and re-state your point in real life. Once it’s out of your mouth, you get the consequences. And the hurt goes straight to the one you care most for in the world.
The Actors Leave Their Character On The Set, Like A Coat On A Hook
After a long day of practice, script reading, and careful staging or choreography, the actors leave their characters behind and return to their own lives. That’s not a luxury you have when you’re comparing your relationship to those on the big or little screen. You have only your own life and only get to live it once.
Actors in the movies don’t have to decide who pulls diaper duty in the middle of the night; or if they do, the morning consequences are made up, not real. They don’t have to fight over who washes dishes or even who gets control of the remote control for the evening or any of the other petty worries that cause discontentment in modern relationships.
Hollywood gets to micro-manage ever aspect of the on-screen relationships, with a team of experts and time to think and plan and the ever present ability to just do it over with the only consequence being an angry director and loss of expensive film. The actors look the way they are supposed to, morning breath is never a problem and the worries of the character’s life are empty at best.
Instead of comparing your relationship with the movies or even the couple down the street, compare your marriage or relationship with what it could be with each of you trying your best under the circumstances and each of you cutting some slack to the other for not being perfect.
Why not take the opportunity, right now, to do something nice and unexpected for the person you love; expecting nothing in return?