Is His Cheating Your Fault?
The root of why do men cheat goes back thousands of years, you can read about it in the Bible. In the dawn of creation, it was not so, it was Adam and Eve.
Long after that, though, it seemed like it was a biological imperative. That’s why many religions in ancient and even more recent times condoned and even encouraged men to have multiple wives or concubines. A barren wife would even give her maid to her husband and then claim her children as her own; it was a disgrace to be without children and boys were especially favored since they could work.
It was to assure survival of the species. This is back when infant mortality was such that one in three children died before the age of one! Something most of us cannot even comprehend, fortunatelyl.
Science and education have brought about many advances but women are still held hostage by biological clocks in the same way men are sometimes tempted to cheat — even when they are happy with their wives.
So How Does This Affect You And Your Cheating Man?
Lots of relationship specialists are quick to comfort women by unequivocally stating that “It’s NOT your fault!”
And while we try to give that same comfort here, I try to remember to add an important caveat: If you are simply uninterested in sex (and your husband will know that), never in the mood, or – worse yet – use sex as a manipulative tool in the relationship, then it CAN be PARTIALLY your fault. But let’s emphasize the “partially”.
Or if you have COMPLETELY let your body go to heck and given up on hygiene… Well, let’s hope that is not the case anyway.
In general, he did not cheat on you because you are not thin enough, beautiful enough, good enough in bed, or even because you don’t keep the house clean enough. Those can be issues in the relationship, but not an answer to why men cheat.
Will changing any of these things really make him happy?
You might be the hottest babe in the neighborhood and suddenly start cleaning house like a platoon of Merry Maids and will that put a smile on his face? Maybe, for a little while, however, doing all these things will not prevent your man from cheating.
No pun intended, but Hollywood is a different planet. Yet there may be some message when some of the most beautiful women in the world including former Bond girl Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Elin Nordegren (Tiger Woods ex), and Reese Witherspoon have all been cheated on by men who claimed to love them. He is not going to cheat on you simply because you are not beautiful enough, rich enough, or anything else enough.
Should Your Man Get a Free Pass for Cheating?
The thing about infidelity is that it undermines the trust in the relationship at the most basic level.
And while society seems to be breaking down and the youth of today even more willing to accept just about anything in someone’s past, it is still not acceptable in marriages are binding emotional contracts. Cheating (by either spouse) breaks that contract and leaves the wife doubting her beauty, her appeal, and her worthiness. And, some women never recover, though that is sad when it happens that way.
There is no definite reason that cheating must be the end of the relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Celebrity couples are not what you want to model your life or your marriage after; as I said, they are on a different planet entirely and many seem to be less than complete in the brain category.
Reasons Men Cheat
Husbands cheat for all kinds of reasons. Very few of them have anything to do with the way the other woman looks. It’s more about how she acts and how she makes him FEEL. You can certainly bet that she is NOT nagging on him but instead showing him affection, stroking his ego, making him feel important and valuable.
Now is the perfect opportunity to make the time to learn what you can do to make him feel the same way the other woman does. It really is not a big secret or something that requires a lot of research. After all, it’s the same way YOU made him feel BEFORE you were married, right?
Sure, we really do get that life, work, house, kids and a seemingly endless supply of problems attack your marriage everyday. That’s one reason we talk so much about “date night” and taking time to separate yourselves, just for an evening, from the chaos of everyday life and work on making each other feel loved and important.
With some wives every communication with their husband is relaying the latest (unnecessary) drama that is messing up her life. Men get sick of that REAL quick. If that same wife never leaves “drama” mode and re-enters “loving wife” mode then cheating becomes a greater temptation for her husband.
We have lots of articles (see below for a start) and resources to troubleshoot marriage issues and get back on track so you are never searching for an answer to why do men cheat, again!