My ex and i got back together a week ago. It was very rough. I didnt give him enough space and he said he didnt feel comfortable seeing me after i asked if i could. This was the second time i asked. The first was to just make ammends and be friends. And it was the hardest i could do but i knew id see him at an event we were both going to and i didnt want it to be awkward. He avoided me every which way at this event even purposefully walking away with his friends in front of me. Hurting me very much. I messaged him thay day explaining im sorry if i hurt you in anyway but when i said i want to be friends i didnt mean it its too hard and i still miss everything. After a week after this horrible event i messaged him to see me. Explaining i know i pushed you away but i would rly appreciate it. He replied saying sorry but we do not need a 3 part break up and last time i saw you i didnt hear you talking but your friend..im sorry i dnt feel comfortbale seeing you again. I then blew up his phone with messages saying im me im not my friend and i wrote a letter to him spilling my whole heart (he knows i write stuff out when i rly mean something) i just wanted to give him that letter and move on. I ended up going to his house announced that same day…:/..i know it was dumb. I had to just read it tho and move on. He opened the door i read it to him and he held my hand and let me in. We sat on his balcony for 6 hrs talking. He told me he isnt going to kick me out and he wants me to stay but that nothing is going to change. Later on we talked and talked and i told him i think its time for me to leave i got up but he pulled me to him and said he rly needs someone right now too. By some miracle he said we can make this work. We kissed and he said he has missed me so much and all these nice things…only to ask me to comeover 2 days later and break up with me..again. i was by then heartbroken. He said he messed up and isnt a good person that he was worried about me and he didnt know what to do and that i stressed him out. I said im sorry and couldnt move for a little. I cried a little having a near panic attack. He wouldnt even look at me. I left. Devastated. I wrote him a mean text saying you used me and dony ever do this to any girl u love ever again bye. Only regretting it after and 2 days later sending a message saying I do not beileve you used me…i know you loved me. I wish i wouldve said that i know you need to focus on yourself and your needs and same for me. I havent messaged him since. I didnt apologize i didnt blame but i didnt want my last word for him to think what i rly didnt mean. I know i am on and off and i promise i am not bipolar or a stalker…i was so hurt i let my emotions take over. I dnt expect him to reply. And i dnt want him too. I want to move on so badly…i am now now not contacting him. Period. I know i was alot too much and pushed him away even more…but will he ever…ever talk to me again?

You could text him on that day, wishing him all the best and a comforting text, which may help break the ice and ease on the emotions he may be feeling. See how it works out from there, and continue accordingly.

Peter also switched from “awfulizing” about his work situation from a stance of helpless victim to taking a problem-solving stance. What could he do to find a more positive work situation? He began networking with others in his field, stumbled on a job that sounded far more suitable, applied, and at this point is looking likely to get the position.  

“I’m told that there are two people who have created this negative dynamic, and yet I feel like the only person being punished here. I’m locked out of my own house, living in a small lousy room away from my things, my comforts, my bed, and my wife, the only person who means anything to me in Denver. I am living like a gypsy …

my ex travelled to the US about a year ago for his masters but he came back two months ago for my birthday here in Nigeria. we were so much in love while he was away and even before he left Nigeria.we had sex for the first time after he came back but he broke up with me on the grounds that I am materialistic. I don’t know what to do

I don’t believe she has moved on.. after our break up we were still incontact an evan meet up for dinner ect. Its been just over 2 weeks she has asked me to concentrate on myself and make successful positive changes and she not making commitments for a relationship at this stage. How long should u wait until i make contact via email and how to write a letter and what to say? Regards Theo

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

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Hang in there. Sometimes people go back to their ex because they are unable or don’t want to find someone new to rebound, so they try things out again with their ex. But most likely, your ex is probably rebounding with her ex. Focus on your anxiety and calming yourself down, and just pick yourself back up, before you consider anything again in the future.

If at least the one who committed a totally out of bounds act does a thorough rethinking and relearning the result the result can be betterment and continuation of the marriage, provided s/he becomes totally clear that s/he will not repeat the behavior. If not, the marriage is in big trouble. At the same time, odds for successful resumption of a better marriage zoom up if both partners engage in learning.

The message seems fine. And I think texting him on that particular day is fine, because ultimately you bear no ill intentions. If the relationship you shared with him was meaningful enough, he would know where you’re coming from, and that you simply wish to let him know that you’ll be there for him.

If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. I better go over there and do everything that this article has told me not to do. Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat). And if they don’t open the door, I’ll just stand outside and call and text them all day. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK).

My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years due to me being controlling and clingy. Told me the night of the breakup that she loved me, but wasn’t in love with me anymore. We talked every so often afterwards until I figured out I was actually making things worse and proceeded with NC for 25 days. We’re long distance so it’s a bit easier than others. We had plans to meet up when I came home to visit family for thanksgiving and talk, and we did meet up but we hardly talked. She said it was too soon and didn’t want our emotions to get the better of us. I was a bit mad, because I waited almost an hour. We spoke on the phone afterwards and got into an argument about what happened and both said some mean things.

The “True Love or True Loser?” relationship test was developed by Dr Greg Mulhauser and Dr Joseph Carver. This quiz is not intended in any way as a third-party diagnostic tool for you to make a second-party diagnosis of personality disorder or other mental disorder in your partner.

As they talked Peter often felt tempted to say, “and you do it too!”  He successfully refrained.  He had learned that his job was to look at what he could change, not to criticize or advise his wife.  That change proved to be one of the most potent signs to his wife that Peter was in fact behaving far more appealingly.  

Since it has been 6 months, he may have gotten used to the idea of life without you. That doesn’t mean however that he’s moved on. It isn’t hopeless but if you really do want him back, you would have to re-create the spark with him so that he would fall for you once more.

Note also that therapy is virtually always more potent if the couple goes together for some of the sessions. Paulette, after initial reluctance, decided to schedule sessions with Peter’s therapist as well.  They sometimes saw the therapist separately, and sometimes together which helped them to recognize and rectify the problematic patterns in their prior interactions.  When both partners participate in a process of growth, the odds zoom up that the outcome will be positive for both of them.  

The date went very well (she did most of the talking) and we went to a few places afterwards. Eventually, she dropped a hint that she wanted to go to her apartment. While there we had plenty of alone time and she put herself in multiple situations where things could happen but was not exhibiting any obvious signs. She did this the rest of the night and it confused the hell out of me.

To be entirely honest, there’s always a chance, but in long distance relationships, that chance can be a lot slimmer. If she’s dating someone new and he is in the same country as her, it’s very hard for you to compete because anything you do without being in close proximity can easily be misinterpreted. I would honestly suggest that you be fair to yourself and not contact her for the time being. Practice the No Contact rule for a period before considering anything again.

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It’s not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.

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I had a girlfriend of 4 years that started right before we both attended college. The sex was great, relationship was awesome, we both were givers. We even made it work while she attended school 7 1/2 hours away for an entire year. I recently moved 4 hours away for a job and as soon as I did, the relationship took a turn. It was a pain to get her to come visit me, and whenever I went and visited her I always had to hang with her and her friends. No alone time. We kept getting in fights and eventually she ended it by saying she wasn’t in love with me anymore. I went nuts for a few weeks until I found your work and initiated NC. She got back in touch with me after a few weeks and I arranged a date.