How would a seasoned Stoic maintain a healthy relationship with a troubled past, while remaining virtuous hic and nunc and all things considered? I know you mentioned a few weeks ago that Stoicism was a very forgiving philosophy. I’m curious to hear what you meant by that. 

I dated my girlfriend for 8yrs. We broke up one year ago but kept trying to get back together. She just officially dumped me a couple of weeks ago. Her reasons were that I took too long to change my ways and that she didn’t know what she wanted right now. I still keep trying to show her that I love her more than anything. All she does all day long is work and go to college classes. I feel that there is still a small chance that it will work between us. Our past fights were always about my job, I was insensitive, too much partying, not paying attention to her needs and that she wanted me to better myself. Her birthday is coming up and I bought her a gift. Is that bad? I don’t know what I should do. I really need some help. I love this girl and I don’t want almost nine years to go down the toilet. I did change my ways by the way. I’m also applying for a good job. Hopefully I get it. We lived together and now I live with my sister for the time being. So I say again what advise do u give me.

And then he jumped into another relationship 6 days later after we broke up. But I didn’t know until I changed my mind gave up the work oppotunity and back from oversea. I was pretty upset and stop talking to him. Nearly two months later, he messaged me asked me how have I been and we had a short personal conversation. And then he contacted me pretty much every month while he still in the new relationship. I stalked his instagram and noticed he broke up with his new girlfriend at the beginning of September but I didn’t react to it.Two weeks later, his band annouced they have a gig soon. I wanted to go but I couldn’t decide go or not. A few days later he messaged me again , we had a short conversation and I asked him can I go to the gig or not. he said yes. Two days before the gig he messaged me said he could send me home after the gig although it was late but I rejected. I end up stayed at his house. I have feelings for him again so I messaged him for hungout again two weeks later and we spend the whole weekend together.

Your action item during the no contact rule when it comes to looks is to not get enamored with them. Realize that if you don’t feel you are good looking your other qualities can make up for it. Trust me on this.

You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.”

Set strict boundaries. Make a conscious, sustained effort to maintain a bubble around yourself that your ex can’t pass into. If you’re still in contact, make it clear to her that you’re breaking off contact so you can take the time you need to heal. Tell her not to call or text you, since you won’t respond.

I have a pretty good looking friend (who also happens to be tall.) Every time I used to go to the bar with him I was amazed at the amount of women that hit on him. Of course, with me being the jealous person that I was I started studying exactly what he was doing to get these women to flock to him.

I have given advice out to men before where I told them to “use the no contact rule to improve.” Well, they automatically assumed that I meant they weren’t good looking enough and ripped me a new one.

“My girlfriend recently left me and I was completely blown away, I was depressed, emotional and my self-esteem was gone. I reacted like most of us do by begging, arguing, pressing and trying to convince her to come back and things would be different. I was being ruled by my emotions. This book helped me get perspective on the situation and see things from a different point of view. With the help of his book I was able to get control of my emotions and start working on a way to get her back in my life. It is not an easy process but if you take the effort to really try it and understand it can work. While I haven’t accomplished my final goal I am making progress towards it. Anyone who is going through this with someone they love can benefit from his advice. Thanks again!!”

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

It is still your call whether giving your relationship a second chance is a good choice. Your relationship may have ended because of a mistake you or she has committed. Find out if the two of you have already learned from the mistake. Make sure that both parties are also willing to forgive and have a good future ahead. If you realize that both are willing to work on the relationship and give it another shot, then maybe it is worth it.

So let go of over-thinking about the other. That’s part of what doesn’t work in relationships. Responsive is fine, Trying to guess all the time what the other person thinks or will do, that’s disaster.

Well my situation is very complicated as all the others, you see, my boyfriend broke up with me because I have an attitude problem, I’m constantly bitching and nagging and it tore us apart. I wanted to change my attitude issues but I never did, until he left me I said that if he’d give me another chance then I’d take anger management counseling to help our relationship, but he said that he won’t give me anymore chances and that’s it’s over. I don’t know what to do because I know we still love each other so much and that we always will, but how can I get him back :(?

If your motives for getting back together have to do with saving face in front of friends or family, with proving to yourself or others that you can get her back if you want to, or with giving you a chance to hurt her back in any way, stop. Those aren’t good motives for pursuing a relationship with anyone, and particularly not with an ex. You’ll only cause the both of you further pain and emotional trauma. Instead, bear down and decide to deal with your feelings in an adult way.

If you’re busy pursuing your own interests, your ex may see you doing it — whether you’re going for a run or reading your favorite book in a coffee shop, if she sees you doing your own thing, she’ll be impressed.

Have an open discussion. Unfortunately, there’s no surefire way to know if your ex-boyfriend wants to get back together with you without asking him. When you feel you’ve had enough time to show him the new and improved you, have an honest conversation with him, letting him know that you still have feelings for him.

I met my ex eight years ago, while I lived abroad, fell in love and then realised she had bipolar disorder. She came back to England with me for a short while and then went back home, only to come back to study again. It was very back and forth for many years. We broke up, got engaged but then it fell apart again and we stopped talking as much. I met someone else two years ago and it was great, but I always felt this pull to my ex and never really let go. I went to see my ex on a number of occasions, thinking that I’d talk to her in person and know what was the right thing to do. I was never able to come up with the words, so it dragged on.

I’m not telling you this to brag, but to point to the fact that this is an incredible opportunity that is available to you — but only if you take the first step. Your first step is to read this article in its entirety. Please don’t just skim through it — I don’t want you to miss a single word because when I demystify the process of getting your ex-girlfriend back, you simply cannot fail to take this breakup and turn it into a stronger, healthier relationship with her.

Make a game plan for how to deal with unmet expectations. For example, if you broke up with your ex because he or she spent too much time with friends, talk openly about how much time is reasonable and how you will negotiate with one another if you need more time with friends.[17]

Now what we have seen in public relations is that the over anxiety and fast running of the individuals tend to break the relationships again and again. Yes, that’s true. If you are hasty and have not learned from the past, you may break your relationship again. It may not work out for you again. So it is in better interest of yours to hold down for a second and think that whether you are prepared to get back in that relationship again? Or are you doing everything in haste again?

If you need help meeting people then I highly, highly recommend Internet dating. There is no better way to meet exciting, new people. Don’t believe the stigma – Internet dating is great and no, the people that use Internet dating are not all ugly, perverted computer nerds.

It is because you can’t get a hundred percent guarantee that such issue will never happen again. If you think that you still want to get her back and be able to tolerate the issue you once had, then maybe it is alright to give it a go.

This conversation took place a week ago and I have seen him twice since then just to hang out really at our house and have been in contact by text every day. He today told me that he is going to be moving closer to his work and moving in with a colleague which means an hour’s drive away from me.

In most cases, being in a serious relationship may also cause more severe negative feelings and emotions once the break-up takes place. Those who are co-habiting or got married tend to have the most painful and troublesome break-ups while those who just dated casually will most likely find it easy to move on. However, your severe feelings should not automatically be the sole reason for you to try bringing her back to your life.

hello charlie,my girlfriend doesn’t want to date me again and has told me to move on cos she has move on with her life now and is now and is now dating some else. All because my blood brother and one of my friends told her that i have been sharing with them what i do with her in private. She says they told her that i told them she begs me for sex and also to suck me. She got so much upset. I have apologize to her that i didn’t do it but she doesn’t believe me . I have done everything a guy will do show i still love but still she doesn’t want to get back to me. Is been close to 5months but she still doesn’t want us to get together, i love her so much that i can’t see her go. Am short of ideas i need ur help. Thanks

Embrace your hobbies and interests. Fill your free time with steady progress and small victories instead of stewing in your sadness and anger. Use the lists you made of your dreams, interests, and talents as a guide.

One day I’ve catched my girlfriend cheating. And then I decided to put her photos to my blog just to revenge her… Now I have a huge archive of EX girlfriends. You also have a chance to expose your wasted bitch here!

Another than this, I recommend you to read Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor Guide  because it is one of the powerful guides ever written on ex back topic. It will show you why your relationship goes south and how you can bring your ex girlfriend back with the help of text messages.

Women love those men that are having confidence on themselves. If your self-esteem becomes serious issue then it slowly starts killing attraction from your relationship. You would not realize until your girlfriend leaves you. If your self-esteem runs at deeper level then you need to contact doctor because depression is the mental condition that is far beyond your control.

So it’s been about 4 months since me and my x broke up. We broke up because she got jealous about other women who were giving me attention, and i lied about one of these girls at a party and i just got too comfortable and didn’t show interest. Well then after we broke up i made out with one of the girls and i told her about it and it devestated her. I told her the kiss meant nothing and I was thinking about her when it happened. We’ve hung out like 7 times since the break up and things got pretty affectionate 4 out of the 7 times. It’s just been a rough past summer for me in general with my grandpa passing away and adjusting to all this change. I do love the girl and I’m attempting to get her back by going to her school which is an hour away and serenading her wih a guitar right on campus haha. We’ve broken up before about 2 years ago and I did the same thing just outside of her house. What do you think of this? She has me blocked on facebook and snapchat, yet we still keep in touch through text and phone calls and shes friends with my mom on facebook still haha. And I still remain very close with her family

That way, you will know exactly which areas about yourself you need to improve so you will become a better man for her. If it was you who caused the relationship to fail, then the time away from her will also help you determine your weaknesses. With that, you can improve yourself and introduce a better and more committed man to her. [otp_overlay]