My ex dumped me a year ago. The breakup was pretty messy. Anyhow currently we have connected again and are hooking up I’d say about once a week and have sex. I’ve never lost my feelings for him and I’m the one who has initiated our hookups. But… What do I do next to get the relationship back? We text everyday leading up to when we meet then after we don’t till I initiate meeting again. Should I stop all together? I was the one who also said when we first started this that it was just a sexual relationship. No discussions of the past, no outside hanging out etc…
This is probably the worst of the bunch, but not impossible to come back from. Let’s say that you broke up, it’s been a few months, maybe even a year and you’ve heard through friends that she’s got a boyfriend (perhaps you even saw it on Facebook which would really suck).
Well here is my situation – I started dating this girl 10 months ago right after her break up with her last boyfriend. Actually we started dating before they had even broken up. But everything was going smoothly; I am a really and I mean really kind person and I treated her really special. Everything was going so well I thought this wasn’t possible. Too good to be true, right? So after the 6th month I had to go to the US to work and travel for the summer ( I am from EU ) and we were really sad but we were still making plans for after I come back from the States and how everything is going to be all good and we are going to be happy etc. What really happened is – she started acting weird a little bit before I came back. She wasn’t writing me that much on Facebook anymore, less “I love you” lines which really got me thinking ( well, I was actually foooling myself as I thought that will pass or she is not in the mood these days… She actually really wasn’t but I was the reason ) So 3 days ago she came to visit me ( we study in the same city and same university but she was away from her home town because ((which was the town where we both studied)) she had a summer job and she worked close to where MY hometown is. So on the 4th day after i had come back we finally got the chance to meet when she was not at work and she just came to visit me in my home town. After we spent the whole day together, all my worries dissapeared. I thought I was worrying for no reason and it was all butterflies and rainbows. NO. We would usually have this thing to say “I love you” right after “talk to you soon” after we finish a phone call and yesterday she just didn’t say it and we always say it, as stupid as it sounds… it was our thing. I called her 2 mins later with some questions in mind to keep up a conversation for more than 2-3 mins just to see if she didn’t say it on purpose. Second time – no “I love you”… just same old “talk to you later” and that made me feel terrible. I texted her i wanted to talk and that something is wrong and we can’t keep this going like that. I meant it in good way, we can always fix something in a relationship right? I mean if we both loved each other. She replied “I want to talk to you too”. This was the text that made my heart go as if I had jumped off an airplane and both my parachutes had failed me. I instantly called her and asked her if she REALLY wanted to be with me or not. The answer was devastating for me – “I need to talk to you about that”. This just almost crushed me on the inside. We started talking and she explained to me that the feelings are just not the same; that feelings change and given the time that i was gone and distance she had from me, made her realized she felt a lot better having her own freedom.”I just felt free” she said. We both didn’t cheat with anyone but she said she feels better alone now and she doesn’t want anyone. She said when she saw me the other day the feelings weren’t the same as before. She just did not feel the happiness of seeing me like last time we were away ( winter break – about 3 weeks). “We are just not right for each other” – words no guy wants to hear from his beloved right? Well imagine how i felt yesterday. “You will find a better one than me, trust me”, she said. I told her that i still loved her but she kept on saying she didn’t feel the same way anymore. I explained that I would be devastated for a long time but she just kept on saying it is going to pass really fast and I am going to find a really better girl than her.
If you are in a situation like this, the best thing to do is just be cool about it. Do not give your opinion about their new relationship and let it run its course. Just be cool about the whole thing and try to concentrate on your life rather than theirs. There are a lot of things that you need to do after a breakup and before you can get your ex back. That’s what step 2 is all about.
When i did that, she used to tell me not to. I didn’t change myself though. I had been stubborn like a idiot. And looked very upset to her. No talking. Wtf… Now i hate myself in the past… And i forced to her to do what i want. She had been really tired of me.
Stoped talking for those 5 months and barley yesterday she texted me saying she wants to have sex and that she wants mr bck but the problems is her family dosen’t like me and I do not know what to do, I really need your help
Update: I caught up with my ex girlfriend recently and she told me she doesn’t love me anymore and she was quite clear and her feelings faded a while ago and she was just in the relationship for me, not for her. She doesn’t want me anymore and I’m obviously depressed. This is the girl I wanted to marry. I don’t think any amount of no contact is going to help my situation at all as she said she wants to be alone for a while and is ok with being single the rest of her life. What do I do now? She’s already deleted photos of us and me off Facebook and told me she won’t add me back on Facebook. She doesn’t want anything to do with me as the trust she had for me went a long time ago. She always suspected me of cheating when I’m never did anything of the sort. 5 years spent with this girl to end like this. She caught me off guard and left me. And she’s much happier without me. Someone please help me. What do I do? Is there any chance of getting her back at all? I want her back
Think about what went wrong. While you’re giving your girl some space, don’t just sit idly by and wait for the clock to run its course. Instead, think about why things ended between the two of you. If it was something obvious like you not giving her enough time, great. But if it was something more complicated — a combination of her not feeling appreciated enough and you spending too much time partying, for example — than you need to pinpoint the problem or problems that caused your love to fizzle out.
It feels exceptionally terrible to be losing the love of your life, especially when you are about to propose to her, mentally and financially ready for her, and also on a festive season. Im lost, i really want her back and wished that i can still work things out, but i know, the ball is no longer in my court. I can only keep improving, keep working and praying.
paragraph addressing half of the elephant in the room, that when he said he is overwhelmed, that respond overwhelmed me, and I didnt say those words but reacted in that way. I understand I am very scared of abandonment. I had a gut feeling of you backing out, hence I was walking on egg shells and did not even bring up the topic. Probably if I had, we would have had a different situation. That I have anxiety and I acted out of a place of fear when you said not to come without any explanation and to not call you too. Something to show my vulnerable side and how this time apart, I have thought about it. And it applies to us and that day’s conversation. Without putting nay blame on him. (I do think that knowing I have anxiety he should have handled it better, what he did is the nmber one trigger for me, but I do not want to go there, and I am going to chalk it off to us still exploring each other.)