Repair What Is Broken When It’s Value Is High
In the past, people used to fix things that were broken, rather than putting them aside and moving on. Luckily, many people still feel that way, and if you are worried that your marriage is on the brink of collapse, there are things that you can do to save it.
Let’s take a look at some of the most important tips that may help you, whether you are trying to fix your marriage by yourself, or whether your spouse is also trying to help.
1. Stop Panicking
First of all, stop panicking, because you cannot make rational decisions when you panic.
Anxiety rarely helps us think clearly. Often, when feeling anxious, we react instead of respond thoughtfully. Our best decisions occur after rest, Godly counsel, and reflection.
Take the time to just stop for a minute. Stop arguing, stop trying to fix the problem straight away. You must take time for yourself as well. If you feel panicked and highly emotional, you may end up contracting some illness and even having a burnout. Just relax, take a deep breath and then try again.
2. Describe Issues in No More than Three Sentences
This is a particularly important one for women, who have a tendency to talk too much. Women have a far larger vocabulary than men, which is almost always a good thing. However, when you are trying to resolve an issue, talking too much can make the problem worse. Stick to just three sentences to describe the problem that exists.
When bringing up an issue, end your description after three sentences. For example, cut off your point at ‘You said you’d clean up the kitchen, and you didn’t.’ Don’t add on all those extra but related issues like: ‘You don’t do what you say you’re going to do. I can’t trust you. I can’t even trust what you’re going to do next. And by the way, I saw that you also left the dog out in the yard.’
Women hate it when men say that they nag. However, women have a tendency to bottle things up and let everything come out in a huge torrent of sentences to express their annoyance. This isn’t helpful to the situation at all and will not help you save your marriage. Address each issue individually and make sure that you pick and choose which ones are actually important.
3. Get Rid of the Three A’s
There are three words that start with an A that are always at the heart of a marriage, or relationship, breakdown. These three words are affairs, addiction and anger. These three words should never exist in a healthy marriage. If they do, then you need to either get professional help or move on.
Either build a new kind of marriage where these do not occur, or end the marriage.
The three A’s are real deal-breakers for any relationship. It is impossible to stay together when one of the parties is obsessed with another person or activity, or if they are overcome by anger regularly. Everyone is angry every once in a while, of course, but when this anger becomes excessive, you are placing yourself in a position in which you are not safe. This must be avoided at all costs and it is unlikely that this is something that you can fix yourself.
4. Set Ground Rules
If you have arrived at a point in which you and your spouse are on talking terms and are willing to at least discuss what is happening between the two of you, it is vital that you set some ground rules and stick to them.
a) try to be pleasant and cheerful through your discussion of the issue, b) put safety first–do not threaten to cause pain or suffering when you negotiate, even if your spouse makes threatening remarks or if the negotiations fail, c) if you reach an impasse, stop for a while and come back to the issue later.
If you cannot follow those simple ground rules, designed to make conversations amicable and respectful, then you will also not be able to stick to any resolutions that would be made to save the marriage. This is about trust and about willingness on both sides to once again make things work.
It may take you a while to agree on the ground rules, but even that is a great exercise in rebuilding the lines of communication. And when things do work out again, you can look back at those ground rules and laugh at how you managed to agree on them. And you can guarantee that those rules will remain a feature in your life afterwards.
Love has the power to conquer everything. Someone who loves does not spend all the time complaining. Someone who loves does not point out every flaw. Love is supportive and unconditional. If you are able to show your other half that you truly love, you will probably have taken the most important step towards fixing your marriage.
Loving is appreciating. Loving is enjoying. Loving is gratitude. Love is sharing personal thoughts. Love is admitting mistakes. Loving also involves giving out dollops of positive energy in every way by helping with housework, by hugging each other, by offering and receiving sexual attention, and by radiating positivity, playfulness and affection toward each other.
Love is also a type of positive energy, and this energy attracts more positive energy. When you send that out, it will come back to you. People cannot help but to at least be endeared with someone who loves them. If you want to save your marriage, the very first place to start will be to love your spouse again, and to show this with all your heart.
If that doesn’t work, then perhaps it is time for you to move on and rebuild a life of your own, in which case the love you have to give is actually appreciated.