In today’s fast paced world with seemingly infinite demands on our limited time and energy it is no wonder our relationships suffer making break up and divorce so common. So I want to give some basic advice for how to save a relationship or maybe in your case it is actually a marriage you are trying to save.
Now every relationship is different so maybe not each of these things apply directly to you but think about it in more general terms and I bet you can apply them to your situation regardless. And I will try to cover some things that apply more toward the guys and others that apply more toward the gals in the relationship.
The first point I want to make is some cliches, I guess I will call them, that I do not recommend for how to save a relationship – at least not in the long term.
What not to do to save a relationship
For guys, one of the first things that comes to mind when the marriage is in trouble or the girlfriend hints at breaking up is to run out and buy flowers. Guys used to buy candy too, but if the gal is weight conscious at all she might actually resent that.
Now who could think that buying flowers could backfire? It can, and here is how and it’s pretty simple. You have bought flowers before when things got a little dicey and she thinks this time you are just out for a quick, easy way to fix the relationship by spending a few bucks (no matter how hard it might be to earn those bucks).
She knows that the flowers only last a few days and then everything is back to the way it was before. She isn’t going to be fooled this time, and may even throw the flowers back in your face! Buying flowers does indicate a commitment to the relationship.
Now for the gals, some of you will try to fix things up by fixing a favorite meal and topping it off with you for dessert. Well, most guys would be quite happy to that kind of a quick fix more often, and they might not throw it back in your face, but they too know that in a day or so, everything is back to the way it was – heading downhill.
We have talked about what not to do, so here is what to do
People in a long term, loving relationship really want to know that their spouse or partner not only loves them, but actually respects him or her and makes them and the relationship a priority in life. When I say a priority, I do not mean that you are on his or her top list of 5 or 10 things, and you do not want to fall beneath a job or hobby.
Believe me, I know that you want to put a roof over girl’s head, make sure she (and you) have food to eat and all of that takes money; more money every year. And money seems to get harder and harder to get. So isn’t putting your job at #1 really, in a way, putting your partner at #1?
My answer is: “how’s that workin’ for ya?”
Probably not too well.
Now, if you are a gal in a traditional situation where the guy is the primary breadwinner, think about that for a minute. Are you asking him to make you #1 ahead of his job, but at the same time living a lifestyle with a lot of high dollar expectations? If so, that is a recipe for disaster, break up or divorce. He will, over time, resent you.
Many relationships these days are not traditional in that way, so again, you may have to extrapolate that scenario to fit your situation, but do you see what I mean?
Maybe a less demanding, and lower paying, job would leave more time and energy for the relationship. Could you downsize your lifestyle a little bit to make that happen? You could both end up being happier in the end.
How about another traditional example. I know a lot of woman who are die hard football fans, but that is not always the case. Many women feel like sports widows. It used to be the woman was neglected during a few months when the guys favorite sport was on; but now with longer seasons, more sports channels and more places to keep up with stats and scores, some woman feel alone all year long.
Perhaps you were a football star in high school, maybe even college, and the sport is in your blood. Is it so important to you that your relationship or marriage is #2? If so, tell your partner that and let her decide if that is the way she wants to spend the rest of her life and act accordingly. But if you want to know how to save a relationship, then turn off the TV.
Many woman would only accept a #2 position like that if they feel they have no options. If you are in that predicament, my advice would be to work on improving your options (work out, lose weight, get more education) while he is watching his favorite game. Perhaps he is shoving you into #2 position on his priority list simply because he thinks he can; show him otherwise.
It is all about respect and admiration
Hopefully you are getting the understanding that a healthy relationship is all about respect and admiration. When you respect and admire someone you treat them differently than when you don’t. To treat someone well you will:
- Be kind and courteous to them in speech and actions
- Recognize their value as a person
- Respect their ideas and what they say
- Show respect for their time
- Honor them, not “diss” them in front of your friends
When you treat someone with these things in mind, it makes it easy for them to like you, it almost demands that they treat you in similar fashion and will remove all roadblocks for them to love you. And that is what you want, isn’t it?
Make your relationship and the person you share it with a priority in your life; and yes, that means something else will get pushed aside. But do you really want your job in your life until the day you die? Are your favorite players still going to be on your favorite team until you die? Is that mall even going to still be standing on the day you die? My answer to all three is “I hope not”.
What you do want is your spouse or partner to still be in love with you and at your side until the day one of you dies.
Show them that is the way you feel.
There is a resource that is jam packed with ways to do just that and the best advice to save a relationship is to take a look at it.
That resource is called The Magic of Making Up, and it has sold over 50,000 copies in less than 2 years. I have gone through the materials myself and was blown away by the quality of material presented. It even comes with 2 bonus offerings that you can put to use right away. Please take a look at it.