I met my boyfriend online, I never wanted to get into any kind of relationship since my life and experience are too drama-like and people usually don’t take it. But he did, unlike others, he was genuine, it took me a year to know he was. Now he feels as if I’m lying to him about everything, and that he’s not important to me and decided to dump me two hours ago since I wasn’t willing to let go. Right now, he’s not answering my calls and told me he would not be answering any of my calls in the future and he would barely reply to my emails.

Because break-ups aren’t necessarily awful, hair-pulling, meltdown-inducing events, dwelling on the past isn’t an issue for every couple. But if you and your beau did end things on a semi-traumatic note (think: cheating, majorly divisive issues, etc.), you’ll need to let go of a lot of what previously happened if you want your revisited love to have any chance at surviving.

If you want your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend to come back in your life and stay with you forever then you can’t go to old relationship without fixing the problems that lead to breakup in the first place.

He had a family at this point. I wasn’t apologizing to get him back. I wanted him to be happy. I was apologizing because I realized most of the fault was mine. I had blamed him for being poor and young.

Guys who are insecure, controlling and secretly manipulative; are always trying to control the situation by giving their girlfriend something and hoping to get something in return. This creates an unhealthy pattern in the relationship and their girlfriends end up losing attraction for them.

By understanding this four-step approach to rebuilding a relationship, you can improve the odds that you get back together with your ex and that you two have an even stronger relationship than ever before.

Do this, and you’re absolutely dooming your chances of ever getting back together. You’re letting your ex walk all over you (and your emotions) while destroying any shred of respect they still might have for you.

Hi, I just split up with my girlfriend of 7 years. We were great together, completely in love and talked about marriage and growing old together, we traveled the world together, everyone knows us as a perfect couple, we never fought always laughed together… however the last 2 years have been very difficult. We have been living together for over 5 years but the last 2 years have been a stressful living situation as I had to take in a friend that was in need. I also started my own business which kept me extremely busy.

You need to work on making some big changes, whether it’s controlling an aspect of your personality that led to the downfall of the relationship, or to think about how you can change the dynamics of the relationship if it started again.

According to research, it is important to focus on the best parts of the breakup and relationship, especially how they helped you grow as a person, and let yourself forget the negative experiences. One strategy to help you do this is to spend 15 to 30 minutes each day for three days in a row writing about the positive aspects of the breakup.[23]

If a girl in a gang of girls is told by one of the group that she’s not brave enough to shoplift, it often happens that the girl will do just that as proof that she had the guts to do it. And this happens even if she had no need to shoplift and was really worried about getting caught. Essentially someone has got them to do something they didn’t want to do. And this is exactly what you are trying to achieve in trying to get your ex back who may currently be showing no signs of wanting to get back with you.

The plenty of fish in the sea line isn’t quite as simple as some people make it out to be. The truth is that it’s a lot easier to figure out how to win someone back than to find someone with whom to build a long lasting sustainable relationship with! You already know your partner and share memories and a history together. There’s already something to build off of in a sense.

After about one week alone I realized I was happiest with her and I was happy all the times I made her happy and I really really missed her and wanted another chance.  But I’d said some rude things to her in our last few fights and she just flat out said we were done.  I kept calling and texting her over the next few days and she ignored my calls.  I grew more desperate and felt more hopeless.  Then, last week I got an ebook called How To Get Your Love Back Now that changed everything. 

We texted incessantly for a month and went on our first date to an ice cream festival called The Scooper Bowl. I missed the train, and we kissed. We began a summer fling where we’d walk around Boston holding hands, eating pizza, and watching TV cuddled up on her couch. She made that summer in Boston perfect. It was only two months, but it was unfiltered romance.

Unfortunately, this never works. In fact, most of the time, any attempts to talk with your ex after the breakup will harm your chances and drive him or her even further away. Begging, pleading, apologizing, bribing… It is absolutely awful because all it does is re-enforce that image in the back of your ex’s mind – the one that makes them think of you in a negative light, as someone whom they wouldn’t be their romantic partner and isn’t what they want in a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Most women have quite simple and somewhat boring lives, so she might struggle to relate to you with your travel-filled lifestyle, amazing car and massive house that you told her about. And if she struggles to relate to you because she sees you as WAY better than her, she will go cold and initiate the no contact rule on you. “He’s out of my league”. Then she initiates a break up.

My ex cheated on me and broke up with me 3 days ago. He told me when breaking up that I was the best girlfriend he’s had and probably will have. We only dated for a few month and saw each other often. I do love him, as we were good together and am prepared to forgive the cheating. I was clingy and needy at the moment of breakup but then we said bye via text that day and I’ve not messaged since. We work near each other so there’s chance we will see each other during no contact. How do I deal with that?

A lot of times, people breakup simply because of circumstances. Maybe one of you had to go to another city for college or business and you didn’t want to try long distance. Sometimes, you wanted to try long distance but it didn’t work so you had to break up. If such is the case, then it is worth a try to get back together provided the circumstances have changed.

Breakups hurt like crazy. And your mind is just clouded with the grief. It seems that your thoughts are just controlled by your emotions. So if you miss your ex, you might think that they were the perfect person for you. But in reality, it might not be so. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it wasn’t so. Your ex, just like every other person on earth had flaws. And your relationship, even though it might be hard to believe right now, was not great. How can I tell? Well, if it was great, you wouldn’t have broken up.

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

Now, if your ex has already made the decision to break up with you? These emotions are unwelcome. And this is why your ex will seem cold and distant… pushing you away or avoiding you completely so as not to remind them of the residual feelings your ex still has for you.

When couples come together, your concept of identity joins. When you breakup, you are not only physically separated. Your identity now has a serious gap to fill. Keep this in mind as you try to get him back. This will help you avoid feeding into potential feelings of desperation.

            Men, if your wife has left you, she has felt hurt for a long time. It is likely that she sought to communicate her feelings, but you interpreted the passion of her words as whiny complaints or attacks. You responded not with understanding or compassion, but with defensiveness and correction as you warded off the verbal rocks she was throwing. This left her feeling alone, unheard, and unvalued.

Once you complete the above exercise, you will able to see your relationship through clear and objective eyes. The idea of this exercise is not to judge you or your partner instead it is to examine your relationship dynamics.

The truth is that my ill-advised backslide lasted a solid four more months before the same old problems, and worse ones, finally ended things. It started to dawn on me that he wasn’t in it for the kind of commitment I was looking for, and it was becoming painfully clear that this relationship was never going to be The One.

No one is better at giving you open and honest advice than your friends and family, so don’t be afraid to ask for their opinion on getting back with a former flame. Their sage love advice may just be the mental clarity that your head and your heart need. “They are informed outsiders who are more dispassionate and objective,” says Rowland Miller, PhD, psychology professor at Sam Houston State University in Texas and author of Intimate Relationships. “They get to watch the partners interact either with grace and tolerance or with sour and suspicious patterns.”

(If you can relate to my client’s list of mistakes, I can help you. Click HERE to get on the waiting list for my signature relationship program for women “How to get more me-time” and grab a FREE cheat sheet!)

“You were right too about how much I coddled my children’s mother. The reality is that I was afraid of her.  Just like when we were married I was always trying to keep her from getting mad at me. When I was depressed I had no spine for anything.  That era is over as well.  Now when she calls, I get the facts of who to pick up when and where, and that’s it.”

But no matter what you’ll have to seduce your ex and inspire them to get back together. Getting an ex back is often linked to your ability to be yourself and to not let your emotions or feelings change who you are at your core. So don’t try to seduce your ex by being someone you’re not; it won’t be sustainable anyways and your ex will probably see right through you!

Apologize if you hurt him. If you did anything at all to hurt your ex-boyfriend, whether you said something that offended him or you weren’t there for him in a time of need, it’s time to apologize. It takes great strength to offer a sincere apology, but it will go a long way in helping you repair your relationship.[11]