Hi, my ex and I (both 18) broke up in October and were together from June to September. He broke up with me because I wasn’t reciprocating the love he was giving me and he now feels like since he put his all in the relationship and I didn’t, he can no longer give me a relationship. After the breakup, I was very needy and constantly begged him to get back together. Since then, I have recognized my mistakes and am fully in the mindset to changing them but I’m not sure how to prove that I’ve changed. He’s recently got back with his previous ex about a week ago and I’m scared that he might not want me back. I personally think it’s a rebound relationship since he did try to have sex with me while they were together but he swears he loves her and is serious with her. He still acts as if he has feelings for me but denies them. We never went through a no contact stage either. So, would it be best to do the no contact stage even if it’s been 3 months since we’ve broken up? Is there a good chance that I can gain his love and trust back if I do this? Is it not too late?
Naturally you may be worried your ex boyfriend will soon forget about you, or be snapped up by another girl. But that’s not quite how it works. I mean.. sure, it happens. But it’s always more complicated than that.
You don’t have to forget him. Work on accepting that you can’t make someone else do what you want them to do or feel what you want them to feel. Life is not fair. Learning to accept what we don’t want is part of maturing as a human. It’s hard. Be nice to yourself.
We’ve all been there. It is a post-breakup haze that can drown out all reasonability; a voice in your head telling you to text your ex at 3 in the morning to tell him how much you miss him, because surely that is how to win him back.
Allow yourself to heal and forget about all the negative things that happened to you before. Note that you will have a hard time getting back together and attaining success when attempting to give romance a second chance if you do not truly forgive each other.
It was just a mask. Beware, as if you both go back to your old ways of arguing and dealing with problems, you’ll get back to where you were – apart. Don’t let that happen. Don’t get lazy and don’t take things for granted. The first few weeks of being together again as also the first few weeks where he’s most likely to “run for his life” and leave you or just decide that you shouldn’t have gotten back together in the first place.
Date other people. Just because you’re not over your breakup doesn’t mean you can’t date other people, especially if you keep it casual. You don’t have to be looking for the perfect person. Instead, go out and have fun. When it gets back to your ex that you are dating someone, he will more than likely be jealous.
But dating him behind her back is not being nice to yourself. So don’t. You’ll regret it. Enjoy your memories of him. But remind yourself that you have new memories to make with someone else now. The only thing certain about life is change. Love for you tomorrow will be different for you than it was yesterday. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be just as good or better. Sit with your feelings until you are ready to try again. May take months or even a year or so. Don’t let people rush you. Sending you peace. I’m there, too.
The grand finale and what I think is THE most important thing in getting over your ex. I’ve written about this several times before, and even started a revolution with my BFF on the topic of self love.
I just want to say that your advice is fabulous. This is exactly all the things i needed to hear at the right moment. Im going through a break up and although it is a grief process, i know, i really have been trying to use it as a time to reflect on myself and the situation. #4, 8,9, all greatly resonated with me.
Getting your boyfriend back if he’s dating another girl requires a somewhat different approach. What you do will depend upon the circumstances of your breakup, how much contact you have with him, and whether the two of you still remain friends. But in the end, you can still salvage what you had. No matter who your ex-boyfriend is with now, there are ways to use your past history to your advantage. Learn the secrets to unlocking his buried feelings, and ways to bring them to the surface without him knowing that you even did anything. When he believes he’s thinking about these things all on his own, then you’re one step closer to reconciliation.
You need to work on making some big changes, whether it’s controlling an aspect of your personality that led to the downfall of the relationship, or to think about how you can change the dynamics of the relationship if it started again.
Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.
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Hi. So I did the no contact and after 30 days sent him a message saying “omg. You won’t believe what just happened to me” he replied with “what?” And then “are you okay?” Following “??” And then “??hello?” Within 20 minutes of me sending. He also called twice and I didn’t pick up. He loves cars and I couldn’t drive. So I told him I was taking driving lessons and that the wind was so strong I had to really take control over the car, which was true that day lol. He was really happy to speak to me and asked how it was going and how I’m doing and said I seem lighter and different. And that’s he’s happy I’m growing. Then he asked me how come I texted him lol. I said “I thought I’d do it, but have a nice evening and stay cool” not making him think that we gonna taleave some more. He said okay cool you too. I sent 7 messages. Which I know was wrong. But then waited 3 days to text again. He loves smoking weed and weed in general and me too. So I’ve been growing this tree and I decided to take a picture of it and sent to him with a little writing with it. That was yesterday and he still hasn’t replied. What should I do now?
Once he sees and feels this energy from you it can often lead him to rethink why the two of you are not together. You should never have to try to convince him that you should be together. He needs to be able to view you as his prize to win.
“Any time a relationship ends, it’s hard on both sides. If a girl is really determined to win her man back, there are ways. I think the most attractive thing for a girl to do in that situation is keep herself busy. When she puts herself first, and fills her schedule, it makes a guy wonder why he isn’t being chased after. If the girl just runs to the guy daily, with phone calls, notes, and stalking, a guy won’t care to have a pest back in his life. Every situation is different. But I find it attractive when a girl has a life of her own.”
So the first step to getting back together after a breakup is to institute a bit of radio silence. We refer to this as the No Contact Rule 30 to 60 days where you avoid contact with your ex at all costs.