My main suggestion is to keep doing more of what you have been doing, that is, talking openly, letting go of any pressuring of each other, appreciating and enjoying the positive sides of your relationship, and taking on faith that if the relationship is meant to be, it will be.
Wow! Sounds like things have really turned around for you. Once you learn how to break past his “commitment barrier”, everything else is a piece of cake! 🙂 Thank you for the kind words, your story is encouraging to other women.
Nothing is impossible if you are determined to really move on, but you have to help yourself. Make a list of all the bad qualities of your ex, the things you couldn’t stand about him or her. List all the reasons why you shouldn’t get back together.
I didn’t respond to that and been trying to do the no contact rule for 5 days now. But I need your serious advice.. I feel like we already had many no contact situations and this is probably not the right time to do no contact anymore. I really don’t want to lose him. I would like him back and I truly believe we could work things out if he would let us talk and stop blaming me for everything.
Because something about your behavior is making her feel as if you are not really committed to her. She feels that, although she’s attracted to you, you won’t give her what she wants and needs from a relationship (i.e. support her, and not keep f***ing other girls). This is completely different from a situation where you’re trying to get a girl back when she has moved on.
I get nervous any time I talk to a really pretty girl. Yup, as talkative and conversational as I am there are times where I can be in front of a girl and freeze up because I have a fear of what this girl is thinking about me. Heck, I have even been too scared to talk to a girl who I have had a crush on. Now, most guys probably wouldn’t admit that to you but I want you to realize that everyone in this world is carrying fears around with them.
So really be aware of your state of mind, emotion and attention before you pick up the phone to call him or text him. If you’re wound up, pissed off, or even in a completely opposite state of sadness and vulnerability, do yourself a HUGE favor and just give it some time until you’re more calm, cool and collected.
Thank you for this post! I’m trying so hard to move on but I’m stuck on #5 “allowing him to string me along”. I know it’s not right but the heart wants what it wants. I deleted his phone number and texts from my phone immediately after reading this. Baby steps :-). I’m hoping that I’ll be better soon
3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)
My situation with my ex fits this profile perfectly. He left me over four years ago because of some really emotionally tough stuff that he was facing. He’s made A LOT of progress since then, but he’s moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. I understand; I really do. But, it’s hard. And no amount of me being happy and attractive is going to speed up his progress. In the meantime, because he IS making progress, I can’t stop hoping that he’ll call me and I can’t bring myself to date anyone else. And as long as I’m still hoping that he’ll call, my pain never ends.
I think you should consult a therapist. You should try distracting your mind for the best results. Also, it’s totally up to you, whether to expect to return back, or move on and lead a better life. Decision making is important. Make sure, you do good, and it’s for your happiness.
I believe very strongly that outside influences have some bearing on the breakups. For example money problems, problems at work , health problems, etc. I believe these contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. If we don’t deliberately pay attention and put your loved one first. Then your are heading down a real steep hill and soon you will fall off the cliff.
There were more dates. We craved each other, we made commitments, got too intimate, breathed, caressed, cherished each other. He wrote letters to me, explaining how much he loved me, how we were destined to be together, how he saw the ‘wife’ in me, how we were already like a married couple, how we were the ‘one’ for each other etc. He was always truthful about everything. He can’t lie about such stuff. He hates infidelity. All that was fine, but there was the cycle of rows and patch-ups. The 14th of November was a date, and I didn’t see that ‘look’ in his eyes, felt disconnected to him. We had our moments, but it didn’t feel as good as before. I got insecure, and right after the date (he was leaving for the airport), I texted him that it was over. He was devasted, miserable throughout his flight. I was broken…got home, and I realized how badly I was in love with him, how I couldn’t do without him. I texted him about it, he still loved me, we got back together after a long discussion. My insecurities kept growing. I was guilty about what I’d done. I thought he deserved better than me, I told him so. He said I could give him what I thought he deserved, and that he’d stay. I went into a phase of stress-induced-depression after that. I was irritable, went without food and sleep for weeks, worked like a machine. It wrecked him. He was too worried about my condition. He felt chained, helpless because we were miles apart. At times he thought he was responsible for my condition, I assured him otherwise, yet he wasn’t really convinced. We had more arguments. The 3rd of December arrived. It was my birthday, he called up to wish me. He seemed distant again, I was rude, brash, asked him why he’d called up instead of thanking him. He hung up on me, he was too hurt and disturbed. The next day he told me he wasn’t feeling like before. He had been through a lot because of me, and he said it was all his fault instead. I felt more guilty, asked him to take a break if needed, maybe even break up if it made him feel better. I was more concerned about him well-being than mine. We lost communication for days after that. He was getting busier with time. One day he texted that he didn’t feel for me anymore, and we were done. I didn’t believe it because what we had was beyond special, it was real, pure love, and feelings like that never could die. He was advised to give it another shot, and he did so (apparently). That night we had a conversation like older times, he told me he was seriously missing me. Things could have taken a different turn then, but I started feeling suffocated after that. I needed to vent out, I’d suffered a lot too. I needed him to listen to me, to answer me, but he was too busy. He was torn between work and the relationship. This seemed already doomed, he put in everything he had into his work. It was decided even before we started that our priority would be work, considering that we’re too young. Our relationship remained ignored during these days. I was getting impatient, insecure, and even more suffocated. I was making wild assumptions about him, texting him all the rubbish on earth, he was as it is too stressed out. He got done with his work and we met on the 24th when he finally told me that he had no feelings for me and that it was over. Whatever I did, tried, nothing worked. I still believe we can get back together if the love was real (I believe it was), but he says that when things like this end for him, they’re final, and that no probabilities exist for us to get back together. I can’t help but see how real everything was, and it was destiny, we never felt this way before. I love him unconditionally and hope he’ll realize this love and come back to me. He doesn’t even want to remain friends anymore, he’s cut off all communication from me, and I can’t do anything about it. I know the love was real, but I don’t really know what happens next. He says he doesn’t (and can’t) feel for me anymore, but even he’s having a difficult time moving on. He said he doesn’t miss ‘us’ but does have our memories and is reminded of them. Every single thing that he thought was true before has turned into the negative now. He wants to get over me completely, but I think that’s not what is supposed to be, considering how deep we were in love. I know I should do nothing about it now, but please tell me if it was real, and if I can expect him to come back? Everyone is probably hating on me, and yes, I made mistakes, but please remember that he didn’t communicate enough with me. He never told me about his problems and stuff… Like I was kept in complete darkness about it, and suddenly things lost their gravity. He went to his friends for advice, but never tried to discuss things with me. But love doesn’t die that easy…. or does it?
It all has to do with the fear of uncertainty. That fear of not knowing what will happen to you in the future or how you will feel about it. That is why people resist going outside their comfort zone. However, experience has taught me something that I think you will find interesting.
I was angry because this email and I didn’t contact him although I still have strong feelings for him and still love him. Because of this email, I cut off 12 weeks no contact with him, but he didn’t contact me during 12 weeks. I know he is a stubborn man, so I try to initiate contact him first. When he received my email, he responded immediately.
If that’s the case, forget the remainder of this Step and proceed on to the next step, because 3+ “yeses” by this point make it 100% clear to me that here we have a Category A situation. Most break ups in which the girl ended it, are this. Don’t panic, I made this site for this situation more than any other.