While his current situation was inherently upsetting, Peter again gradually saw that he was reacting through the lens of his family-of-origin realities. Loving responses were not freely given there. Asking for his parents’ attention felt demeaning and emasculating.
Start hanging out with him a bit. Start making your relationship a bit more friendly. Move on from the casual hello to a short conversation, and then even stick around and chat with him for ten or even twenty minutes. Make sure you always say goodbye first, though, and don’t make him linger longer than he wants to. This will make him even more sad to see you go. Then, wait for him to ask you to grab a coffee, or be bold and ask him for a drink.
More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:
There is one very crucial thing that most men don’t want to accept. We are slowly getting into feminine role and women are getting into masculine role. It doesn’t matter how far we as society has progressed, women still and always attract by dominant man that showed them attractive traits that we discussed above.
My ex dumped me a year ago. The breakup was pretty messy. Anyhow currently we have connected again and are hooking up I’d say about once a week and have sex. I’ve never lost my feelings for him and I’m the one who has initiated our hookups. But… What do I do next to get the relationship back? We text everyday leading up to when we meet then after we don’t till I initiate meeting again. Should I stop all together? I was the one who also said when we first started this that it was just a sexual relationship. No discussions of the past, no outside hanging out etc…
Not to mention, your body will be healthier. Working out can also be a great place to just let your thoughts go. You probably won’t be thinking about your ex girlfriend while you’re in the middle of a hard core workout.
Peter arranged to meet his wife for coffee. He brought with him his list of all the old habits that he now understood had been problematic in the old relationship. He also listed the new habit patterns he was building to replace the old ones.
The way you communicate with her via text and in calls will need to change. Given that you’re in a break up you’ve probably been doing it completely wrong, replying instantly to her messages even though she takes hours to respond to you. This has to stop and you need to start doing it right, after the no contact period. That’s why I’m going to teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast by text message, although be aware, texts are only part of it.
If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. And this works doubly as effective on your ex than any other person. Why? Because they were already attractive to you at one point in time. And you are not a stranger to them. You are someone familiar who looks very attractive.
The Ex Factor Guide (check out our review here) also serves as your ultimate solution if you want to get your ex-girlfriend back. It is a more extensive guide towards transforming yourself and being the exact same man your ex-girlfriend fell in love with, thereby making it easier for you to convince her that your relationship is still worth another shot.
Because he was feeling so much better about himself with his new problem-solving and listening habits, Peter was able to talk with his wife in the playful and engaging mode that had attracted her when they had first met. Paulette was delightfully surprised. She appreciated his clarity about the mistaken roads he had taken. She liked his vision of the new Peter. She especially like the many ways that already he was acting in the new ways. She felt for the first time in years that Peter was actually seeing and listening to her instead of locked in a narcissistic bubble.
that’s good being near gives you more chances, but don’t say that ahead in the conversation because if she doesn’t want to go back with you, mentioning that right ahead will make you look like you’re using it to try to make her see that she should get back with you..
It’s been a little over three months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve completed no contact and given my ex space, a task someone difficult because we work together. I never begged or been pushy did the right moves based on advice given on here and other places. She’s still will barely talk to me and will barely reply to text messages. Typically she’ll reply to the initial message, but getting a second reply doesn’t happen much. Back in September I purchased a Christmas gift for her and even though we broke up I still sent it to her on Friday. She replied thank you for the gift. You didn’t need to. Merry Christmas! Attached to the gift was a clean slate letter. She made no mention of it. I told her she was welcome for the gift. I asked her if she was going to be up for talking soon to clear the air. She never replied back. She isn’t seeing anyone, nor did we have a bad breakup. Since the breakup I have found out that she is mad at me about something I said but I don’t know what I said or who I said it to and she won’t tell me. We’ve had some positive interactions as of late at work, but she’s got a wall so high up now. Where do I go from here? Three months, no contact completed, clean slate letter given, space given, showed activity on social media sites as well and not much recoconcilation has occurred. What can I do? Or is it time to accept the fact that I’m not going to get her back?
Now that we’ve laid it out on the table for you, it’s time to get real with yourself. Which of the aforementioned categories apply to your situation? Have you just chased her away with your antics, or has she fallen out of love?
Do you think they want to breakup because they want you to beg them to take them back? Nobody wants to be with a needy person. And even if your begging worked, it’s going to lead to a relationship where you will end up being a doormat.
I know you desperately want to become closer to her by helping her in recovering from breakup feelings but remember if you do this you will ONLY helping her in healing process rather than healing yours.
So let go of over-thinking about the other. That’s part of what doesn’t work in relationships. Responsive is fine, Trying to guess all the time what the other person thinks or will do, that’s disaster.
Don’t underestimate the power of having a support system! You may not want to admit to your friends that you’re feeling this way, but they probably understand way more than you’re giving them credit for. It’s okay to reach out to someone and talk when you feel like you need it.
A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well.
The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. Whatever happens, do not tell your ex to break up with their rebound partners. Let it be their idea. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. (Do you think his relationship is not just a rebound? Read How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On To a New Girlfriend. or Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back When She Has Moved On To a New Boyfriend)
Any situations in which she has expressed to you that she wants something to develop or happen between you two, yet you refuse to make it happen in the months after she showed that she wanted it. For example:
she’s on a year programe in another city, we see once in a month. which isn’t enough closure for me. she’s been on this program for about 5months now. I feel due to this she lost attraction towards me, as we only see once a month, and our calls or texts ended up in arguments.
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to them delivering what nature intended – kids.
Be sure however that one therapist works with both of you if you want to increase the odds that you will end up re-united as a couple. Two therapists, one for each partner, all but guarantees that the relationship will end.
Such a friendship is always an awkward limbo of not really being her friend, but not really being her boyfriend either. Learn what to do when your ex wants to be friends, so you can avoid this one-way ticket into the Friend Zone.
I’m not trying to be harsh, but you need to hear this: You are acting like this is the last girl on the planet. I bet you walk past at least one beautiful woman you’d be compatible with everyday. Yet you continue to pursue this one who is dating someone else. Who you truly don’t know that well.
Spend time with other people. You don’t need to sleep with them, but spending time with other men or women will let your ex know that you are on the market for a relationship again. If they are still interested, they may decide it is time to step in and stop you from looking elsewhere.
It’s all just a defense mechanism: pretend the one girl you know liked you is a goddess instead of risking rejection by getting back out into the dating pool. It protects your ego, it coincides with rom-com plotlines, and it is total bullshit.
She could be confused still, unable to let go of the past, or perhaps she wants to start off as friends first and is trying to see how she still feels about you. There could also be the last option that she really just wants to maintain a friendship with you and is over you already. I suggest you take things at face value for now since it would be easier compared to second guessing at every turn. Just continue to build up a friendship and bond, before seeing how things go from there. Don’t be too impatient or you would push her away completely.
I wish I could say that the tough part of my recommendations is over. But, the truth is that today’s lesson and assignment may be tougher and more demanding for some people than all the others combined.