If I had it my way we wouldn’t have broken up in the first place and would have instead tried to work through the issues but up until now every decision has been made for me which has been incredibly hard.

Your articles have been a big help. I (29 years old with past relationship experiences) met an almost divorced guy on dating app who lives in a city 700 miles away. I considered the dangers but it has been a while for him, he will be finally divorced in a month. We hit it off vert well, we discussed we were going fast, and we decided to continue but very slow. We mutually decided to meet also. The travel plan was for me to fly. And we booked the tickets 10 days in advance. On the day of flight, he messages me not to come. And then adds “Don’t bother replying or calling. Have good luck.” I suffer from severe anxiety and abandonment issues. So I was shocked but I still kept my cool, and tried to talk to him, figuring out what it means. He didn’t say anything until after I cancelled my flight in the evening when he succinctly says he is sorry but it is overwhelming. Now I know it’s more about him not being ready. But I also can’t stop wondering that I could have gone more slow, and done more things to make sure he doesn’t feel overwhelmed. But nevertheless he never replied anymore and it seems we are over. I am treating it as a break up. And plan to follow your suggestion of not contacting him for at least 30 days and then texting him. I have dated and been with some good men too with whom it just didn’t work. So I know the different connections and with this man I see a future. Not in a desperate way where I will act out of fear but in a way I know it’s a rare good connection. So I want it to work. When he is ready I want him to contact me. I want him to miss me, but like I said he is divorced and exactly after a month (my 30 day) is his divorce day. Now throughout our dating, he has always talked about his hardships about the whole divorce, once he was on call with me for 7 hours, on a divorce court date. He shared when he got the final divorce date too. So my question to you is that after my 30 day of no contact, it’s that final divorce court date when he will be finally free as he puts it. Should I do my first text on that date? Or wait for a few more days? I must agree I am worried to lose him. Because I am a little odd person. It’s rare for me to find a connection. I find it with him. But I remember your article about two kinds of people. I have worked hard at being the second kind, but my fears are very strong. So I am confused as to how I should approach the whole thing! Yesterday I was good in not texting him back a lot, until it was night when I sent two long messages spaced a few hours apart. Immediately after that he went invisible on whatsapp. I know it was for me. But I haven’t messaged him at all after that and I will not. That’s where your post helped me a lot. I really struggle in these kinds of situations. I do well if communication was very straight but it is not so often. I hope you can help me.

How long does it take for him to contact you. Me and my Ex of four ex broke up three weeks ago bc of constant fighting even though we both admitted we still loved each other and one week after the fight he starts hanging out and dating this troll. i contacted once to be a psycho path and then after I apologized and I told him I was happy for him and I hope he gets to be happy.

This one  might sound a little cliche, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get him back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy schenannigans. The best thing to do here is take out your calendar and start filling it up. Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise thing you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to, anything. An add on to this is to make plans for your future.  Set goals, break them down, plan them out. Strategize and list out your “hell yeses”. What do you want to do that you weren’t able to do when you were attached? This is your opportunity to do what YOU want.

My ex broke up with me almost a month ago. We went about 18 days with no contact whatsoever. I’ve reached out to him via text, and am trying to keep the conversations neutral as possible (it’s still pretty hard for me to talk to him without getting emotional, so texting is the best way I can communicate right now, so he couldn’t hear me over the phone, etc.), and the texting is at the point where I’m not overbearing (we’ve had small exchanges every couple of days). I’ve initiated them all, however. Now I’m wondering if I should go back to a no-contact period. He’s never been the one to initiate much conversation with anyone, including those outside of me. Help?

a lack of respect on either side. If you or your ex call each other names, belittle each other’s accomplishments, or say disparaging things about one another to your family or friends, then there is no respect in that relationship. These are all features of an emotionally abusive relationship.[21] Find someone who shows you the respect you deserve, and commit to treating him or her with respect as well.

NC would help because right now although she’s still in contact with you, the fact remains the same that she won’t give you another shot. You have to give her some time to change that train of thought and by showing her you’ve changed. This is hard to see when she’s still in constant contact with you. Complete NC and work on your issues before coming back and asking her for a second chance.

been there.. after breaking up with my boyfriend I just couldnt move on. 10 months passed and I realised i have to do smth with my life.. so I just started all over, started hanging out on new places, met new people, started doing new things.. got rid of everything that reminend me of him (thats very important). I started medidation and yoga. It actaully really helps you to find your inner peace and embrace yourself.

The accumulation of internal images of lovers contributes to a richer internal world. These images represent the breath of our loving self. We are strengthened by the variety of ways in which we can experience ourselves as loving. As the adage goes, we never fall in love the same way twice. We are revealed to ourselves through our relationships. Maybe in some ways all loves are important in allowing us to experience ourselves as loving.

Guys are attracted to a woman who has her own life, her own happiness, and feels whole outside of a relationship. In an ideal world, your relationship is just the icing on the cake – it’s not what makes your life good, but having it in your life makes your life better.

I started to worry what if he thinks I am starting to work at the same place than he because of him. I tried to initiate texting on Friday and Saturday (last time we texted on last Sunday and we got to meet up quickly on Tuesday) but he didn’t continue texting after one text but He replied immediately. Maybe I am just overthinking and he was just busy. Or my texts weren’t that interesting. ? I have to text on Tuesday (unless he visits at the grocery store) to ask about Wednesday as we are working on the same shift. I should not make any speculations but his behavior confuses. Well.. I decided I just treat him as a co-worker on the first week and see how it goes. After that start some flirting. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if he has started thinking I wanted to start my internship there because of him. Because it isn’t so. I even didn’t know he would work there. Maybe it is my head that makes those thoughts and I should stop immediately. I just had to write down my thoughts as I am going crazy by over thinking.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me because his fiancé I didn’t know abt found out about us and my ex told me I ruined his life because his fiance dumped him we have been staying together for a year I love him alot I asked for forgiveness and beg him to get back together and he told me we will never be together I xld stop contacting sending him message he blocked me on whatsap and m thinking of talking to him face to face at his place. He unblocked me and told me we can be friends he told me I xld pretend as if we never met and blocked me again what xld I do I love him can’t move on please help me its been a week since we broke up

The reason you must answer these questions to yourself is so that you can determine a couple of things. First, do you really want to get him back, will you be happy or are you just lonely right now, but deep inside you know that it probably won’t work out if you get back together? You must believe that things will work out between the two of you and that you can be happy together again. Otherwise, if you don’t have total belief in this relationship, then it’s not worth trying to get him back.

I made a mistake and that caused me losing the love of my life, no I didn’t cheat I decided to listen to my friends instead of my heart. I heard rumors and I believed them without talking to him about it and to be honest, this might be the biggest mistake of my life because now I don’t have him with me and that sucks and I still love him but he deserves better not someone like me that could doubt him at any moment when he’s telling the truth. I love him and that’s why I have to let him go. I have my insecurities, yes and I had a lot of people betray me in the past which isn’t an excuse for my behavior and why I should doubt him. I learned the hard way and if I have a relationship in my future I will make sure I don’t make the same mistake twice. learn from me and trust your partner, talk to him/she about and don’t make my mistake because it will hurt.

If you want to do something positive when you start to feel that mopey, “I miss my ex” mood coming on, the best thing you can do is set a challenge for yourself. Every time you think about getting back with your ex, you have to do something good—like donate to a charity or get down and do a bunch of burpees.