For those of you who are struggling to get over a past relationship, I have to say that I really sympathize with what you’re going through. Breakups can be very hard, especially when you’ve developed a close bond. Luckily, there are some things you can do to help you to move on. Here are some tips on how to get over your ex based on what researchers know about attachment.
Okay, so it’s been a month since our breakup, which he initiated by saying that he wasn’t feeling ‘OK’ with himself so he could, therefore, not be with anyone else, that he was hurting me with his hot and cold attitude (true) and that I deserved so much better. It broke my heart, but after that conversation, I went to his place (I had offered like the weekend to think about it, but he was gonna go away to the beach with friends to ‘clear his head’ and it just was too much for me) that night to break it off. He didn’t let me come into his place, sent his grandma to tell me he wasn’t there, told her I saw him and that I’d wait but only a little while ’cause it was late. He came out, same argument but now backed up by my “I do deserve better”, “I do deserve someone who will fight for me” and his “Let’s be friends”, “I don’t want you to disappear from my life” and “I will always care for you”. I naively believed all this and we were supposed to meet that weekend so he could give me some of my stuff, I got a message late telling me he was sick in bed and couldn’t, so I asked what should we do about it (mistake, I know :/) and then another week went by and didn’t hear from him, so I sent him a subtle text asking for my stuff back that I didn’t wanna fight and there was no point to him ignoring me but… he just kept on ignoring me. BTW, I did stop texting except for yesterday and the day before to pick up my stuff. So, he didn’t reply (he lives far so I didn’t wanna show up and him not there :/) but I went with a gf who sorely hates him and wanted this over and done with for me to move on. Texted him I was a block away, he was so surprised (Um, he could’ve checked his phone when he was online?) and was like “So, you’re getting your stuff and then just leaving?” and I said “Of course, what else do you expect?” and he replied “I don’t know, just asking”. So, he came out and I handed him his stuff, said I didn’t have to bother and asked what I brought. Stupidly, I started to tell him each item but then stopped and just handed him the bag, he handed me my stuff and he was about to talk to me when my friend said “We gotta go, got plans, remember?” and I snapped out of it and just waved and said “Well, take care, bye” and he just looked at me all shocked and ‘sentimental’ (something was going on there, no idea what kind of feelings, confusion?) and I turned around before he closed the door.
For example, have you ever met a guy with whom you felt an almost instantaneous connection with, almost like you’d known him for ages, like you were meant to know him? And for whatever mysterious reason, you just felt drawn to him and your relationship unfolded into a whirlwind of love and romance?
“Listen, whether you like it or not, you’re in the midst of a big transition and you’re going to need support,” Scarborough says. “That’s why I believe it’s best to have more than one friend or family member at the ready and to tell them what you’re going to need from them. And don’t you dare try to do this alone because you’re too proud to ask for help. This is exactly what friends are for.”
The tips and tricks for getting ex-boyfriend back introduced by The Ex Factor Guide really work for women. It explains some of the common mistakes of couples that often lead to break-up and how they can fix it.
“You should stop making excuses to walk by his favorite bar ‘just to see’ if he’s there,” says Kate Miller from the University of San Francisco. “My roommate did that all the time when she broke up with her boyfriend and it just made things harder for her. I’m sure running into him all the time didn’t help.”
I like this article. It was very insightful, and really aimed to help the obsessive psyche of women fixated on what they can’t have, relationships that they want to mend, trying to get married…etc. While I agree that being happy and getting over the guy truly can attract him back, the truth is most of the time it doesn’t. And well, this tactic is rather hypocritical ‘cuz if a women has truly moved on, what will make her want the guy back if he comes back? It’s a tricky maneuver to do. It’s basically saying get over him, no strings attached, but ya, look over your shoulder in case he does. It’s not a true method of getting him back, in my opinion. But sometimes this method is the best outcome for both parties.
If you are struggling to find the reasons why things may have ended, then try to think back to the first time you noticed that he was becoming more distant form you. Understanding why he pulled away can often tell you a lot about him, yourself and the relationship.
i did no contact rules 3 weeks ago now he is the one chasing me like crazy but am not planning to text him yet yes i miss him alot but i have to finish no contact rules everytime i get bored i read this artcle just to be busy thank u
Great post! Very thorough and thought out. I wish I had this when I went through my rough breakup years ago. One tip a friend of mine gave me was to do something nice for yourself every day. Simple but it helps.
My wife is leaving me and I’m stuck living with her for over a month until she leaves she has become cold and nasty and doesn’t care how I feel she comes home like 3 in the morning it’s torture and I love her just really sucks
There is no doubt that I had a lot of emotions during our time apart. Usually he would have been the one person I would unload all my stresses and feelings to. But since we were no longer a couple, and since he was now the problem, I had to go elsewhere for consoling. Therefore, I turned to family and friends to confide in; and it turned out that they weren’t all helpful. While I don’t think they meant any harm, some of them would make comments that made me feel even more hurt and confused. Hearing things like, “I always knew he was a jerk,” or “you can do so much better,” caused me additional angst. How was it that I could love someone and want to be with him when others were knocking down his character? But through this I learned to prioritize what things were really worth stressing over and what things weren’t.
I know it’s really difficult when a relationship ends, but that’s exactly why it’s time to focus on yourself and build the lifestyle you really want. Build your confidence back up, socialize, make new friends, pick up a cool new hobby, join a Meetup group, or take a trip. Do whatever you need to get yourself back out there.
Stop hurting yourself even more and block him from Facebook. It’s certainly really tough to completely eradicate him from your life like this, but it’s much easier in the long run. The less you know about what he’s up to right now, the better.
Sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks and maintain thriving intimate relationships. When he’s not coaching clients or writing new books, Jordan loves to pretend he’s good at surfing, immerse himself in new cultures, and savour slow-motion hang outs with his closest companions. You can see more of his writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Great posting! Breakups are hard. They hurt. I give myself 7 days. Seven days to mourn, daydream, rant, kick, scream, regret, toss out old stuff, sell the valuable stuff and drown myself in wine. After the 7th day, I’m not allowed to talk about “it’ or “him” anymore. Then I jump right back into the dating pool and fill up my social calendar.
This is great Eric. I’ve struggled for a while with a guy that’s not really been putting in much effort, I think because I was always there waiting for him and over functioning. He’s just broken up with me and I realise how much of myself I had lost and how I wasn’t taking care of my own happiness. I kind of for drawn into his hot/cold behaviour and felt anxious uneasy. I’m going to take my life back and take care of myself and be gracious and honest with him. I shouldn’t pin all my hopes on another person but all my hopes on myself. I really hope for a big shift on perspective on the inside after this. Of course I am heartbroken but I realise I fall into the same pattern in every relationship so this breakup is a big sign to change.