I decided that I needed to do what’s best for me so I began doing things that made me happy. I also realized that I didn’t need anyone to make me happy. I am the captain of my life so I needed to take charge.
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Hi ryan..thanks for your reply..i will try to give her that space and time like you said..but i really need your advice on how to win her trust back and confidence and keep our love..what so i really do during this break?
Me and my ex are both 20 years old and were in a relationship for a year. about 3 weeks ago he brought up the thought of wanting to break up, which surprised me. during the next two weeks we were kinda on a break because he claimed as being confused about everything and didn’t know what to do. then we met up again and he said he still isn’t sure whether we should break up or be together. he said that he probably doesn’t love me as much as i love him and that staying together might be a bad idea. i said that it’s probably best if we break up if he isnt completely sure that he wants me. so it was a kind of a mutual decision but it felt like neither of us wanted to actually do it. it is also worth noting that we are both currently very stressed as we are busy with college. we haven’t been in any contact for a week now so i don’t know what he feels right now, but i still wish that he would realise what he did and that he would want me back. i plan on not contacting him for a few weeks but I am afraid that he will work on getting over me during this time. when we were dating we used to take the same train about once a week. should i normally go on that train and just act friendly if i see him or should i avoid seeing him for a while?
Don’t let yourself forget all of the reasons why the relationship didn’t work. After a breakup we start missing people, forgeting the bad and remembering only the good. There is a reason why you are not together anymore. Also, it’s very important to keep yourself busy, do the things you like, surrownd yourself with friends and family and connect with people, learn new things, pamper yourself. Life can be fun and beautiful, we can try our best to make it 🙂
While every situation is unique, I’ve compiled a list of things that in retrospect, I’ve learned. I’ve made some mistakes in my journey to healing that have dragged out the process. But, here are the most important things I’ve learned along the way:
Letting a woman get away with giving you sh*t like this is a recipe for one thing: lost respect – namely any respect she had for you. Why? Because she knows that a superior guy who is worthy of her respect would not tolerate such BS from her.
You are making a huge decision right now. So you better make sure that it is the right one. You have 30 days to do it, so don’t rush into it. Take your time. Relax and do things that make you feel better. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision. And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex.
Determine who is behind the guilt that you’re feeling. Are your friends wishing you would get back together with your ex or is he manipulating you in some way? Determining which feelings are someone else’s and which are your own is important for figuring out if the guilt is warranted or not.
Always look your best. Wherever you go, look your best. Even if you only go to the grocery store or to the gym, make sure you are putting forward your best face. That doesn’t mean you have to wear your best, but look presentable and attractive. Ask yourself before leaving the house, “Would I want my ex to see me in this?”
You might think that you’ll feel better by lurking at his favorite coffee shop, but this isn’t the case. When you see him, especially if he’s with another girl, you’ll feel just like you did in the moments after your breakup. Stay away from these hangouts. It might help if you can get a mutual friend to warn you when he plans to be there so you can be elsewhere.
For those of you who are struggling to get over a past relationship, I have to say that I really sympathize with what you’re going through. Breakups can be very hard, especially when you’ve developed a close bond. Luckily, there are some things you can do to help you to move on. Here are some tips on how to get over your ex based on what researchers know about attachment.
Hello! On another article on the thought process the guy goes through in NC, I commented that he can’t possibly be thinking of me, because you don’t think of things you throw away. My opinion changed: Thursday night, day 20 of NC he wrote me “Hey” I saw it in my notifications and decided not to write back, because the no contact rule is 30 days and I was also extremely scared. I thought for example that maybe he just wanted his books back (I still haven’t given them back), but then I thought, if that was the case, he would have written that already to avoid conversation. I talked to my mum and she said I should write back, because she believed, if I didn’t write back he would never try to contact me again. The next day I still hadn’t written back yet and I waited until after a three hour exam. I then talked to a mutual friend of mine and my ex and she said I should write him to see what he wants and she also said, I should write as if I were pissed off with him (I obviously didn’t, I have bad experiences of doing such with former crushes) and I wrote back “Hey”. He asked how I was and I asked him bla bla bla and he wasn’t feeling well. He vented his frustration about his problems with his parents (he has a very bad father-son relationship with his dad) and then he thanked me for trying to cheer me up (I actually only said my opinion) and I asked him how I should answer that. Of course he didn’t know, but after some time he apologised for “bothering me with his problems” and I made the mistake saying, he can talk to me if he has a problem. In that same message he also said that he had been thinking about me a lot recently and he needed someone to talk to. I was proven wrong about the not thinking about trash you threw away thing. I guess I’m not trash?? Jokes aside, should I do the no contact rule from the start again? Have I ruined my chances of getting him back, because it’s only been 3 weeks? Please tell me, this is urgent… thanks
3. Fraley, R. C., Brumbaugh, C. C., & Marks, M. J. (2005). The evolution and function of adult attachment: A comparative and phylogenetic analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89, 731-746.
So I’ve been with this guy for nearly 3 year we lived together for a year and Half I have children to a previous relationship he hasn’t got none we’ve had it pretty rough last year we fell pregnant and Sadley lost our baby and had to deal with a funeral and things so emotions have been all over for both of us since then we’ve argued a lot fell out a lot he’s even moved out a lot but we always end up back together over the lay few months things have got rapidly worse his mood swings ect he has finally admitted he needs help after trying to kill himself he’s severely depressed on medication and starting to get the help he needs all though I’m the only person who seems to have supported him he keeps pushing me away we’ve just found out I’m pregnant again so it’s a worryin time at moment but he’s got up and left me again saying he can’t do it anymore that this time it’s over for good I no he loves me and I no he wants nothing more than for us to have this baby he’s said he will be there day or night for baby but as for us it’s done with my emotions are all over and don’t no what to do he has said this in past when he’s left so I’m unsure of if it really what he wants or weather it’s the depression any advise would be much appreciated as I’m at my wits end
Oh, no ? I had a really absurd fight with the best BF I’ve ever had (which is not hard to do, I have dated some serious jerks) and I managed to get him back for a whole week and a half before we got snippy and he suddenly was breaking it off with me. The relationship was long-distance and he wants to be friends, but I just spent a week and a half more making an a** of myself. Is there any redemption? I don’t even know how to do this at a distance (I was going to move there, for the record) and after I was so weak. Argh D:
You don’t have to forget him. Work on accepting that you can’t make someone else do what you want them to do or feel what you want them to feel. Life is not fair. Learning to accept what we don’t want is part of maturing as a human. It’s hard. Be nice to yourself.
she’s on a year programe in another city, we see once in a month. which isn’t enough closure for me. she’s been on this program for about 5months now. I feel due to this she lost attraction towards me, as we only see once a month, and our calls or texts ended up in arguments.
I’m guilty of not being able to get over people very quickly. I checked an ex-boyfriend’s Instagram every day for 6-months until I finally had a stern talk with myself about the harm that was causing my heart. I even still have love letters from exes hung up in my apartment, even though our breakup ended uglier than an episode of Game of Thrones.
I am sorry if my reply was not very coherent. I do realize that I should not be so worried about what to send, that a single message can make it or break it, but at the same time that is what your website is about, the reality is that it does make all the difference.
I was with my ex on and off for 6 years. In the first year of our relationship he cheated and we ended our relationship. After a few months he contacted me and we tried to work things out. Things were great for just over a year but ultimately I wasn’t able to let go of his previous infidelity and we’d had a big argument and he left. We split up for nearly 9 months (we had no contact in this time and he’d been seeing someone else) until I contacted him to see how he was and we got back together again. This time we became engaged and he was living with me and my son (from a previous relationship). We were together this time for a year and a half and then had a big fight. Seemed significant at the time but ridiculous now. He did his disappearing act again and about a month later he contacted me begging to come home. This time I wouldn’t let him come back . I wanted him to make changes to his behaviour and I wasn’t ready to repeat our historical pattern. We’ve been apart for a year and a half but have remained in contact with each other. Two months ago he told me he was moving to a new town for a new job and how he needed a change. He said me and my son played heavy on his mind before making his decision but that he felt I had given up on him so he decided to go. This made me start to question my resistance on letting him back in my life and I started to think about him constantly. I recently discovered through social media that he’s seeing someone new and I’m heartbroken all over again because he’s moving on without me. For the most part we always had a great relationship. We grew stronger after getting over the initial cheating and we were both generally happy together. My son and I both miss him terribly and I’d like to see if he feels we have something worth saving but don’t know if I should try contacting him or let him go in case he’s happier in his new relationship. Feeling totally confused.
But before you try anything, be sure to take our “Can I Get My Ex Back?” quiz. It’s super accurate and will let you know if there is a chance that this relationship can be salvaged, or if you need to move on.
I am going to be mean for a minute here but it has to be done. If you are trying to get over your ex boyfriend and are committed to doing so then I want you to stop whining. I don’t want to hear how he wronged you or how you wronged him. There is only one time where I think it is ok to feel sorry for yourself and that is literally the day after the breakup. After that I don’t want to hear your complaints.
By all means, go ahead and talk to him and reply to him at will. Just don’t do it in haste and don’t you be the one taking the initiative. Trust me. When you are taking this time to yourself and clearing your head, he will be thinking about you the entire time. The longer you hold out, the more it will drive him crazy and the more likely it’s going to be for him to be blowing up your phone rather than vice versa. When you are taking this step back, it’s going to signal to him that maybe you’re okay without him after all, and that thought alone will drive him crazy.