I had 3 month long relationship with a guy from a dating site. I have trust problems because of 20 year long marriage in which I was kinda abused. So that is why decided I did not want a serious relationship, only a friend with benefit type of thing. The guy was very polite. We had only kissing on first date and it took a while for him to even ask for it. Later I told him I did not want a serious relationship but it seemed he was hoping in it. We had very strong chemistry. After we had sex he was taken to hospital. It was crazy. I started to feel something however the plan was not that. I have decided to split up with him but someway I was not able. So we were keeping in touch for 1 month then he was released. I did not trust him. First I though even hospital was lie and then I discovered he was texting with others. I tried to get closer to him but he had walls. We had fights since I felt him cold, too rational therefore I got angry towards him and we had awful fights.We split up 3x but it started again. I emphasized that it was only about sex for me but he wanted sg more serious. Once I have seen him to chat with someone else for a long time. I asked him to tell me if he had someone else and let me go since it is too painful this way to me. He told me that there was no anyone else just he did not know where he stood with me since I was working against the relationship. Basically I think I did not know what I wanted and we had walls. Ok. I asked him to start it again. He asked for time and I promised time. So he messaged me but when I wanted to reply I saw he was chatting with someone again and got angry and attacked him. I said really really mean things. He switched off phone. I was thinking I might have hurt him deliberately because I was not brave enough to start sg serious and wanted to get rid of him instinctively. Next day I said sorry. I was feeling really awful about myself. I am not an evil person. But he did not read it (or yes but it was not displayed).
Do not rush into a new relationship. You do not want to drag a bunch of emotional baggage into someone else’s life. You may end up realizing that your new partner is someone you barely know or do not have any real interest in. Focus on feeling better about yourself.
In this case, should i inform her that I would not contact her for a while, or still answer her calls but keep the conversation to general topics and avoid getting to serious topics? Or should I just ignore her (and might push her more away)?
I’m pretty sure I did not say to wait around for him to come back, I said, many times, to move on. I said if there is a chance for things to work out it will only happen if both of you have had time away. My advice is to just move on no matter what because if he comes back, great. And if not, at least you’ve started to move on. Waiting around is what keeps you stuck in the same place and I definitely do NOT advocate that.And good fro you not waiting around, you’re doing the best thing for yourself and I hope you continue to have that strength.
While it’s important to remember the good times we might have had with our ex, it’s just as important to remind yourself of the bad times and consider the lessons learned. In the meantime, take our tips to heart—they’ll help you get through that post-break-up misery and get over him sooner!
You have to make sure your ex boyfriend to start contact with you – but keep a balance. It is important to don’t avoid or ignore your ex boyfriend as these are ill feelings. Always try to look cheerful as you came out of breakup and enjoying your life. Allow your ex boyfriend to leave the conversation and let him do most of the work while conversing with you. Think about living with a female roommate.
Dr. Jennice Vilhauer is the director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Treatment Program at Emory Healthcare, the developer of Future Directed Therapy, and the author of Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind’s Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life.
As they talked Peter often felt tempted to say, “and you do it too!” He successfully refrained. He had learned that his job was to look at what he could change, not to criticize or advise his wife. That change proved to be one of the most potent signs to his wife that Peter was in fact behaving far more appealingly.
If your ex contacts you a lot, let him know that you’re going to give him some time so he doesn’t think you don’t want anything to do with him. This is especially important if the guy you love is a bit shy or insecure.
wrong. Of course, you could also dedicate that time to another person who’d be happy to have it: your boss. Work keeps you feeling busy and important, and it doesn’t hurt that the added praise and success will boost an ego that’s been battered by a breakup.
So if the problem here is attachment, then how do you “detach”? The best way is to replace your ex with other people whom you care about and may assume the role of primary attachment figure. In other words, train yourself not to rely on your ex by spending more time with other supportive people in your life instead. For example, research shows that parents, siblings, friends, and children can all make excellent attachment figures.2 So, visit your family. Have lunch with an old friend. Remind yourself that your ex is not the only person in your life who you can feel close to, and you’ll find yourself needing her less and less. [otp_overlay]