My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and I am having a tough time letting it go. I know all the advice says to move on and get over it, and I almost have. I still have feelings of resentment towards her and wish to get her back.
When you lose a person that you love most in your life, you feel angry at the universe to make it happen. You wish so much that it never happened but now you have to realize that it has actually happened.
Find out if they are still interested. Before you start trying to win back your ex’s heart, you need to know whether he or she still cares or not. Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended.
SIDE NOTE: One thing I want you to see here is that to your ex or any other girl, your DMV/ perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship.
The secret is to change her mood then change her mind. How do you do it? Feelings, like the flu, are contagious. If you are spending time with someone in a great mood, you feel good. If you are with someone who’s down in the dumps, it’s easy for their pseudo-depression to rub off on you.
That’s the story of around 80% of the people who are desperate to get their ex back. It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a huge mistake to call them even once. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back.
In these situations, it’s impossible to not want to try again, and I forgive you in advance for doing what all the movies and TV shows tell us not to — and for trying to get back with your ex. So here are some tips for not screwing it up too bad.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely shun him if you go to school together or have mutual friends, but avoid calling him or hanging out with him for a little while so that you both have the chance to heal and gather your thoughts.
When you want to get your ex-girlfriend back, she’s afraid. If you spent any length of time together, she’s afraid of getting back together, afraid of losing you. She’s indecisive, and not really sure what to do.
Enjoy your own company. You shouldn’t spend all of your “me time” obsessing over improving yourself or wondering what your ex is up to. Instead, enjoy your own company by reading, exercising, or just taking the time to pursue your own interests and goals to become a better person. If you’re comfortable on your own, then your ex will know it once you reconnect. It’s important to be secure by yourself before you try to jump back into a relationship again.
My situation is a little different. I am 22 and my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. It was basically because he thought we were sexually incompatible (which isn’t really true, as I change drastically depending on what’s going on around me) and it wasn’t going to work out.
Hi Ollie, The advice for you would be the same with this girl. The same as in the video. You are on speaking terms, so I think you can get back with her. But two things are more important to me. First is that you do what is best for her – don’t be with her if you are going to hurt her, don’t be with her just because you don’t want her to be with someone else. The second is to start making positive changes in your life. You are going to be in jail for 6 months, it probably could have been worse. Make sure you take the opportunity of a second chance, read books, think about your life, and try and make positive changes. You might need to change your social cirlce, you’ll need to change some habits. But you need to become a better man. If you do this, you’ll be happier, and this girl will want you more.
I met my ex eight years ago, while I lived abroad, fell in love and then realised she had bipolar disorder. She came back to England with me for a short while and then went back home, only to come back to study again. It was very back and forth for many years. We broke up, got engaged but then it fell apart again and we stopped talking as much. I met someone else two years ago and it was great, but I always felt this pull to my ex and never really let go. I went to see my ex on a number of occasions, thinking that I’d talk to her in person and know what was the right thing to do. I was never able to come up with the words, so it dragged on.
Dr. Heitler, what a great article! These are really good tips, I will definitely read this again before I see him. This is exactly the kind of positivity I want to emulate with him. I am very willing to put any pressures aside and just focus on trying to rekindle a new relationship where we trust and enjoy each other again.
To re-attract your ex girlfriend you’re going to need your body language and general vibe to do a fair amount of the work for you. Up until now your body language has probably been submissive and weak, and that is likely a large amount of the reason she lost attraction for you and broke up with you in the first place.
3. You must become an attractive, happy person during this time. You need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. You should make a lot of positive changes in your life. When you meet your ex after the no contact period, you want them to be attracted to you. And the best way to do it is to start enjoying life and becoming an overall happy person. Don’t take this point lightly. This could be the difference between getting your ex back or losing them forever. (If you’d like to read more about why you should do this, read this article.)
I really want to express my gratitude for the nice article and for your comments. I think you truly help people by being empathetic yet honest. Keep it up, I hope you’ll inspire more people and help them finding that they can kick ass if they believe in themselves and work on themselves.
Realize that you know yourself better than ever before. You’ve looked into your own heart and sought to understand it. You’ve tallied your interests and goals, and made new friends without anyone there to affect your presence. In short, you know yourself now in a way that you didn’t before. You’re more poised, more possessed, and more confident as a result.
Have a higher purpose in life: As Martin Luther King Jr said, “A man who does not have something for which he is willing to die is not fit to live”. Unless we have something that is a source of motivation, it will become very difficult for us to face problems which come in the course of our lives.
Didn’t hear from her for a year and a half. I really, really wish I had run into her somewhere – she sold her home but stayed in the same town, so it certainly could have happened. I always felt on a gut level that a legitimate accidental encounter has an entirely different tenor than initiating contact.
But I’d go over the memory of her in my mind — her maraschino cherry hair, her septum ring, the shiny stud in the side of her nose, the big black plugs in her ears — and worry that someone as edgy as she was would never go for a nerdy, plain woman like me. I settled for just being friends.
We all have different types of exes in our lives. Ones we wish we never dated, ones that we weren’t really into, and then there are those… you know, the ones that got away. Those are the ex girlfriends that we constantly creep on social media, wish we were beside, sharing those moments that we view from afar. And you plot for how to get your ex girlfriend back.
That needs to change. We need to get you behaving and coming across in a more attractive manner, when you meet up with her in person. This takes practice so it is something you should get started with right away as soon as you begin the No Contact Period. That way, when you go to meet with her after no contact, she’s gonna ‘just feel’ that you have a sexier presence. That’s how it works, they can’t explain it, they ‘just feel’ it.
But before you get behind the wheel and start driving full-throttle in the direction of back-together-ville, you must take a good time to gauge if what you are feeling is merely an offshoot of the fresh pangs of breakup-itis or whether there’s a REAL reason to want your to get your ex-girlfriend back. If the honest answers to these questions steer you in her direction, then forge ahead! The only thing you need is the route-map, with directions to the destination of ‘getting your ex-girlfriend back.’
Hi, my ex girlfriend broke up with me two months ago, we were together for 10 months. I tried to beg her back, then we agree on NC. In the first 2 weeks it was impossible to accomplish couse I had to move out, and my stuff was all over the place, it took me time and she kept texting about my stuff. The last time I was there, we talked, and I managed to invite her to lunch, as a date. I’m pretty busy in general, that’s why the date was a week after that. We texted each other every day on Facebook, always she started the discussion. The lunch went well, but after she texted me she had second thoughts about it, like ‘it’s not a good idea and she thought about canceling… But it was so good and she likes me in the moment but we still have problems’. We continued texting. Then I went abroad one of my friends, originally this trip was planned as a romantic one with my ex. She kept on texting me. When I got home, I asked her out again, she was happy to say yes, then a few hours later and out of nowhere, she changed and said she is too bad and I need to run away from her, couse she is gonna hurt me… I tried to refuse it. No success. So goodbye and start NC. 10 days after she texted she wanted to talk to me. She seemed desperate (and I didn’t know your rules about NC) so we agreed to meet and talk on a monday. The next day was my birthday, no texts, nothing. One night before the meeting she canceled it and she wrote this is the last time I have to tolerate her indecisiveness, she thinks about me with love and hope we will be able to talk to each other again, couse she misses our long talks and me in general, but just bye. I didn’t respond. I just don’t get it. She’s like a roller-coaster. Should I hope for anything after that? It seems like the last goodbye.
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But I also want to get more specific than that. To begin with, you say that you met this woman two years ago (when you were 19), and that “even two years later” you feel guilty about how it ended, or that it ended. If I got the chronology straight, it doesn’t sound like you were with her for a long time. And even if I did not understand the chronology exactly, it could not have been that long anyway. This means, again, that you need to engage in some meditation focused on regaining the broad picture. I use a personalized variant of this one, for instance:
Prior to that though, ask yourself why she didn’t show respect, it probably has got to do with the way you acted around her. If you were too needy in the previous relationship with her, you invited her to walk all over you. If that was the case, you will have to work on your masculine qualities and remove the needy behavior and instead present her with a more confident version of yourself. You should have done this work on you during the NC period.
So, relax and focus on improving yourself for the next month. If you follow my advice there is a very good chance that everything will work out in your favor. However, if you were to grow insecure about this, break down, and call your ex one night (to make sure they haven’t found anyone else) they will likely interpret that as a BIG “push” (see LESSON 1) and that will definitely hurt your chances of getting back with them. In fact, it just might erase everything you’ve worked for up to that point.
Peter’s young wife Paulette had said to him, “That’s it. You’ve betrayed my trust one time too many. You are far too nice when you talk on the phone to the mother of your daughter, and by contrast you show no love toward me. All you do with me is avoid me or get mad. I’ve had it. Please, leave the house.”
well my ex and i split up 2 weeks ago and i had preordered flowers for her for vday and i forgot lol she recieved them and told me thank you and i told her i do miss her and all she sent was a smiley face i was like wtf. any way we split up over me feeling like i was being used and she had no time except for her business and she wanted me there with her helping. Just wasnt my thing. I mean there was good qualities but i was to damn blind to see she wasnt ready due to her business struggling and that is all she had time for. well we had gotten into a huge fight. and i left. Silly thing is i would love to get her back. Just no clue how. I mean i can move on and easily find another woman but something tells me to try for her. any suggestions?
Now, I am not saying that you have to get in olympic level shape or anything like that. What I am trying to tell you is that if you can just get fit looking as opposed to fat looking it is going to help you so much in your quest to get your ex girlfriend back. [otp_overlay]