I recently ended a relationship with someone who has severe omotional issues…or so it seems that’s a huge concern of his. Fear of commitment, real confusion with what Love should feel like and he would know that he’s met the one. We had a great relationship in general. Never taught, communicated well (or so I thought) and always had a blast with each other. At the same time, he emotionally cheated on me with someone from his past life overseas (they never had an actual relationship and only met a few times, but kept in contact for 3 years since he moved.) We were together for 2.5 years. I had discovered this shortly before our 2 year anniversary and thought my confrontation had cleared up the problem, but I discovered a few days after my birthday this year that it didn’t clear up the problem. I’m struggling with a lot of things.
The beginning, or “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is an exciting, magical time. You two were doing fun things together. You were enjoying getting to know each other and exploring with each other. You were equal with each other.
Español: recuperar a tu ex novio, Português: Reconquistar o seu Ex Namorado, Français: récupérer votre ex petit‑ami, Italiano: Riconquistare un Ex, Deutsch: Den Exfreund zurückbekommen, Русский: вернуть бывшего парня, 中文: 让你的前男友回来, Čeština: Jak získat zpět svého bývalého přítele, Bahasa Indonesia: Mendapatkan Kembali Mantan Pacar Anda, Nederlands: Je ex vriendje weer terugkrijgen, العربية: استعادة حبيبك السابق, हिन्दी: अपने एक्स बॉयफ़्रेंड को वापस पाएँ, ไทย: กลับไปคืนดีกับแฟนหนุ่มคนเก่าของคุณ, Tiếng Việt: Khiến bạn trai cũ quay lại với bạn, 한국어: 헤어진 남자친구, 다시 잡는 법
He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.
Not setting a time limit or expectancy is important when getting over someone. Allowing yourself to heal properly is important and once you heal moving on is the best thing you can do. Becoming active within your community, having a supportive group that surrounds you, becoming the best person you can be is the best thing you can do. I always encourage an individual to start working out, taking a college course, trying a new activity, becoming spiritual, helping others, etc.
Do not cry nor beg during your open discussion. Avoid turning the conversation into an argument, too. Your goal should be to show him how much you have healed and that you are willing to start all over again with a clean slate if he also wants the same.
believe me males are selfish if u agreed to stay friends he wont want u back cause ur doing what he wants not u he wants by his side to not lose u and talk to and act what he wants whenever he feels like it,
If you listen to your heart, all you will hear is that you love your ex and you want them back. Instead, try to think with your mind. Be logical. Analyze the pros and cons of your relationship. Analyze the pros and cons of your ex. Analyze what your goals in life are and whether or not a relationship with your ex aligns with those goals.(Read: Should You Get Your Ex Back?)
It may be the case that the woman knows about you and your ex-boyfriend being in a relationship for some time. But let her take notice of your face and body language, if it’s well enough and there is no sign of hesitation or shock, then you have met your target. We have seen woman getting depressing in such situations and uttering words like” How can you do this to me” and “You’re cheater” etc. But believe me, it’s not going to help you out at all.
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I talked on the phone to her last night, and she said this me we cant be together, you don’t handle situations well, and at times I am like a child. And that she has chosen the new guy, as he was excused to break up with me, then move into it as or just after we break up. She also said to me that why keep trying and pulling back to you, can you give up.
What you have to do, and it is critical .. is FIGHT your natural response to the event (which is to feel like you have little value and little to offer) so that you stem the loss of “value” and regain your power …
Make a game plan for how to deal with unmet expectations. For example, if you broke up with your ex because he or she spent too much time with friends, talk openly about how much time is reasonable and how you will negotiate with one another if you need more time with friends.
hi me and my ex dated for two years then he broke up with me and months later dated another girl who he then left after 8 months and broke up with because of me, he told me he still loved me and the memories brought him back to me however we started talking to try and fall in love with each other again and after trying we managed to at one point but lost our balance again because i couldn’t just let us be i kept bringing up questions like what are we and why aren’t we together eventually he got sick of trying and having the same conversations so I went to stay with him for 3 weeks we had a good time but we had sex and when I got back we just didn’t talk much and he told me its because he doesn’t feel the urge to pop up to me and talk to me his old feelings aren’t there anymore and it isn’t the same, now he’s started talking to another girl who is literally perfect in terms of looks and they have many similarities but I still want him back, we are still in contact, however, I’ve blocked him off everything so my life is easier for now and today I talked to him and he told me to let go of us and that if we get together then we will but if we don’t we won’t but he doesn’t want to give me false hope and told me we can be friends but he’s talking to the other girl right now and getting to know her and that he already thinks she’s cool, he also said it’s my choice if i want to stay in his life while he chats to her, he doesn’t care if i leave his life or not right about now but i want him back so what do i do
Do the inner work to resolve these issues without letting him know you’re doing the work. The reason you don’t need to let him know is because he won’t believe it until he experiences the changes. Just do the work and see how he responds. If he responds positively, you’re moving in the right direction. If he continues behavior that contributed to your breakup, then you don’t want him back.
I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most.
For real, change yourself for the better; let him see that and he’ll want to be part of it. But you won’t let him back into your world overnight – even if you really, really want to get him back, don’t. You both need some time to appreciate each other for other things then sex. And when the sex does come, it better be mind-blowing. Then again, don’t be clingy and don’t call him every day after that – love all over again – instead, take your time. Let him think about you and worry a bit.
It is still important to discuss with him about the past issues so you can finally ask for each other’s forgiveness but after that, the two of you should think about starting all over again while leaving all your negative issues behind.
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Oh, and they turned everyone against me, all my friends don’t talk to me anymore. I only have one friend now–my best friend for 3 years–Megan, who can’t be convinced to leave my side. She and my mom are my only support against all this.
When I met my wife and we started texting back and forth I got that giddy feeling of euphoria. In fact, that’s how I knew that I was falling for her. Whenever I got a text from someone I automatically wanted it to be from her.
A cautionary tale exists in this plan. Neediness and using pity will only backfire in your face. Also, it is important to note that even when you have done everything you can, there are times when the relationship has just run its course.
Hey I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years n things went down hill it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve had contact with I really miss him n wants him back what should I do should I continue the NC rule for 2 more weeks n what should I text him after that
If you and your ex recently broke up, take a break and focus working on any problems that might have led to the breakup. When you feel ready, make him notice you by going to parties he goes to or posting fun things on social media. Ask him to casually hang out, but make sure to always say goodbye first – you want to make him sad to see you go! As you hang out, read his body language to see if he seems interested, and try flirting with him if he does! For tips on keeping him this time around, read on!
To be honest, I think it’s actually a good time to send him the email, as it creates a bigger impact (birthday, Christmas and the start of his holiday). If you want him back, you could send the email then and definitely include the birthday and Christmas wishes as well.
Second is to give love! Love yourself first. You can do this by telling yourself in the mirror that you love yourself. Then love everything around you. Adore everything, and if there’s nothing to adore, find something to adore! If you think your pink mug is just a mug, adore it for being useful and for being pink in color!
I know: I lived that life for 36 years and have b een the modeerator of an abused survivors’ and emotional abuse group for many years. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans is a book which should be required for everyone on the planet.
Who has this worked for? I don’t expect people will immediately believe me that this works. At least not until I share more with you. Most people who start looking for solutions are skeptical. In fact, many of our long time readers said they were skeptical when getting started. But now many of those who have followed the advice I’m giving you, are back together with their ex.
After saying sorry and explaing what type of relationship I really want i have done about 2 week long NC as suggested. On Christmas day to my surprise I got a Christmas greeting and my ex initianated a short conversation and this morningI got good morning greeting as it was a habit before breakup and it seems my ex wants to come over. I am very happy but my consern is that: I dont wanna be a doormat in long term. So I plan to initiate a converstation about the situation: I want to give it a try to a serious relationship with him but I dont want to be with him at any cost. Do you think it is appropriate. I mean I am happy that he comes or sg but I dont want to be just used and abused. Taking into account our past story it can be an issue.
To reply to Renne’s comment, you should act happy. Not overly happy, as if you are just so glad that you are single but you should be the same vibrant girl that he fell in love with. He liked you from the beginning because you were happy and were out there living your life and doing you. So, be that same girl that is still out there living her life regardless of him. A man doesn’t want your happiness to be based on him or what he does. He needs a girl that is going to be just fine with or without him. You should still be there to listen if he wants to talk but do not force him to talk about anything he doesn’t want to. He’s not trying to shut you out. He just needs space to get it figured out on his own. And being able to figure things out on his own is something that builds confidence in himself and will help him be ready for you sooner rather than later. So, give him space. Be happy regardless. And be there for him when/if he needs you… but no pressure.
My girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years due to me being controlling and clingy. Told me the night of the breakup that she loved me, but wasn’t in love with me anymore. We talked every so often afterwards until I figured out I was actually making things worse and proceeded with NC for 25 days. We’re long distance so it’s a bit easier than others. We had plans to meet up when I came home to visit family for thanksgiving and talk, and we did meet up but we hardly talked. She said it was too soon and didn’t want our emotions to get the better of us. I was a bit mad, because I waited almost an hour. We spoke on the phone afterwards and got into an argument about what happened and both said some mean things.
Jim and I met at a house party in October, and shortly after, we did the whole exclusive boyfriend/gf thing from November, breaking up in February. Right before we met, we’d both left destructive relationships so the debris of that, combined with work stresses and poor communication lead to the inevitable breakup.