We didn’t make rules or set a time period. He needed his attention for work and I moved back in with my parents to get my life together in January. We still met up sometimes to do something fun or romantic untill the end of February. At some point I started to have some doubts about some girls working on his projects. He said it was nothing and just my negativity playing tricks on me. A couple of days later I received some screenshots of a friend he was begging to have a one night stand with. I was broken. When I texted him he was distant and blaming it on being busy with his projects. After two weeks I waited at our house and confronted him about the screenshots. His facebook page was open on his computer and I saw conversations with dozend of girls, any girls, just copy/paste sweet messages to get their attention. He said he liked the fake attention and didn’t care about them, just wanted to use them and that was his reason why he acted that way to them instead of me. Still claimen I needed to take my time to heal and telling me how busy he was, how much pressure was on him etc. Etc.
Recall who initiated the breakup. Was it you? If so, did you do it after careful thought or in a fit of anger that you now regret? Was it your ex, and did he or she have specific reasons? Was it a mutual decision?
“In this part, I will need to know more about the basics of your past relationship, life and what you believe about relationships in general. This will help determine the overall category that your breakup fits in.”
If you do not occupy your time with exciting activities, then you may end up breaking up the rule of cutting off your communication for at least thirty days. You may start having a difficult time stopping yourself from contacting him.
The whole coaching session covers how to handle the first contact text message. When I got to the part where Whitney (the woman I was coaching) and I were talking about how to use her knowledge of her ex properly I explained the idea of creating a theme for a text message.
I am in the same situation. I’ve had several relationships before but my ex was the first guy I really deeply loved. We had incredible chemistry and I was his first girlfriend. He had qualities that no one else I knew had and we shared many interests that are not easy to find in others. He was incredibly loyal and loving and even though I adored him I often didn’t show him how much he meant to me. I pushed him to work harder and criticised him for his failings – to me it felt like I was helping him and that once he was on track we would be able to relax and build on our future. I just wanted him to succeed but it made me into a misery and a nag. The last year of our relationship was very stressful due to university exams and uncertainties. He is very lazy which was a constant source of disagreement between us and I felt that it made me into a very negative person as I was worried that he would not become more organised. It was far too much pressure and I bitterly regret projecting my worries for my own future onto him. Our family lives compounded the problems between us as we were both very unhappy at home. Previously we had been at university together but being separated and in bad environments took its toll. He coped better than I did and I pushed him away. These arguments spilled over into our relationship and I allowed sadness and fights at home to turn into an ever present atmosphere of negativity and stress. He broke up with me and didn’t want me to contact him again. Our relationship had been very close and open – there was a lot of love, kindness and affection as well as the bad elements. After a few messages that day asking to work things out and telling him how much I loved him (he didn’t reply) I never sent him another message nor heard from him. 4 months later and I have hardly met anyone else or been intimate with anyone – physically or emotionally. I know that even though I will move past it (admittedly, we were not the most compatible) I will really struggle to find someone else who I connect with in such a deep way and who I find so special and attractive. I have offers for dates but even though the guys are handsome or are friends, I just don’t find them interesting in that way. I know that I will find someone else in the future and will have another good even great relationship, but I know that I will always compare things to my ex and part of me will always feel that my heart and soul is with him. I don’t think that there is anything that can be done about this – some people are more loving than others and when you just happen to be lucky enough to click with someone in a special way it is very difficult to lose that bond. I think everyone has the ability to be a ‘penguin’ (my ex used to say that he was one and that he could never be with another girl in the same way) but not everyone happens to develop a relationship with someone who they can click with. We were both lucky and unlucky in that respect because we met someone amazing but now have to adjust to life without them because things weren’t able to work out. I wish that I could talk to my ex and at least have a friendship with him as we shared so much together and the loss is very painful. But if you offer an olive branch and it still isn’t enough you must accept that for the other person their feelings are either different or they are resigned to not wanting you in their life.
Hopefully, there are more good experiences in his memory of you than bad ones, and over time, left to his imagination, the good ones will trump any recent bad ones that have surfaced around the breakup. If there are more bad memories than good ones, it’s worth asking the question if you should get back together with your ex in the first place.
Basically everything after the section “A Year Long No Contact” still holds true in this category. So, you should still do the ex boyfriend cleanse, you should still avoid the bad behaviors after a breakup and all that I talked about above. I am not going to go into it again because I already covered it above.
I also do want to point out that once you start the steps that I outline on this page there is no going back. I like to look at it like this, only begin this page if you are sure that you DO NOT want your ex back. If you are ready to move on from that phase of your life then this page will pretty much do the trick for you. Of course, if there is still a doubt, a hungering that maybe you and your ex could work out in the end I recommend you read this site, post to post. It will give you ideas on exactly what you need to do to get him back.
One day, while running errands, I fell in love with this weird, huge, asymmetrical bright orange hennaed lampshade from a store on Second Avenue. I was already carrying two big bags of groceries, and, after purchasing the lampshade, realized I had no place to put it, so I put it on my head. Who cared, I figured, it was only a few short blocks to my house, what was the big deal?
Use the jealousy to extend further and deeper. Use social media like Facebook and twitter. Go out with your new man and post photos with exciting captions like “On Miami beach with David, MuwaHhHHH” . Try to take pictures in those locations where your ex boyfriend use to love taking. This way you are easily getting into his mind and thus mind games play well.
And that’s what I speak to — I tell you what would be most effective in getting what you want. You’re the one who wants it and the only person you can control is you, so why wouldn’t I talk about things you can do if you want to get what you want?