Not sure melancholy is an innate trait. Sudden states of sadness may be the result of things outside of our control, but prolonged emotion always have a cognitive component, and can therefore be altered by cognitive analysis. That’s how CBT works.
My ex and I have been talking ever so slightly lately but nothing substantial. About a month ago I asked her in person if she was mad at me and she said yes bc of stuff I said to another person. She didn’t tell me what I said or who I said it to. Honestly I have no clue. She added how she thought it was funny how I said that we would get back together one day(she dumped me) but that I closed the door on us even being friends. She’s only 23 and I’m the only person she dated. I’m having a hard time getting her to talk to me about it. A bit afraid to ask her in person bc she’s always surrounded with her friends at work and don’t feel it’s appropriate to show up at her home. She won’t reply to a text that involves talking about why she’s upset. What do I do? What are my options here?
thank you! i agree, but he keeps saying he needs time and space and as of right now, he thinks too much has happened between us that can’t be erased. i was going through a hard time and that negativity may have brought him down, but he never told me how he felt until he ended things so i never had the chance to fix that. i’m hoping giving him this time and space he wants will make him realize it, but do you think it may just be too far gone in his mind? i really want a second chance since now i know what his problems with me were, i see how easily fixable they are. i just don’t know how to show him that!
Your priorities before might be the reason for your break-up. It could be that your relationship suffered a toll because your priorities were imbalanced. It should be noted that while there are needs, there are also wants.
These things are only the tip of the iceberg in regards to putting yourself back in contact after the breakup. Call her too soon, and you could scare your ex off. Wait too long, and you could find that she’s completely lost interest.
Work on yourself. Take some time to work out whatever problem may have ended your relationship, and just spend time enjoying your own company or hanging out with friends. Make a list of three flaws that you’d like to change about yourself, and slowly start to address them. It takes a lifetime to grow as a person, but even taking small steps to become your ideal steps can help your relationship.
Lots of places I see say try to heal yourself, get over the depression but although sometimes I’m on medication, they will never fully get rid of my impulsivity, my low moods. I do have therapy to help with the associated issues like low self esteem but in the end this is my biology. So what can I do? Does this mean I’m doomed to never finding anyone? My issues will take some time to resolve, the way things are going probably when I’m 50, I’m 32 now. I will rather not be alone for the next 18 years personally. And I get fatigue so I can’t always be as active as I want.
You let your ex walk all over you. You become a doormat. You agree to the most ridiculous demands your ex has. But your instincts tell you, it’s OK. Because having your ex in your life is the only thing that matters.
We agree to meet next week for me to pass her some stuffs-photos of us and letters-before going on no contact. Is this relationship a lost cause? I don’t want to let it go just like that. At the same time, I am unable to discern if what she’s saying now is due to her overwhelming hurt and disappointment.
Explain things to your mutual friends. They’ll have heard her side of the story by now, but that’s not terribly important. What matters is briefly explaining how you feel to the friends that you both share. Ask them to be careful about not inviting you over when your ex is there, and vice versa.
Few months ago I asked him tell me truth and I’ll walk away from you life , but he said I don’t have an answer and if I’ll deal my life’s troubles I’ll come to you to marry , but now live your life …etc, then he was keeping in touch sometimes , and now just silence from him. I gave up and don’t bothering him anymore too, I’m trying NC , also I disappeared from all my social nets, but I think it will useless in my case, he can’t solve his difficulties
It’s the right time to take full responsibility of your mistakes and your contributions to why your relationship did not work out. This will show her that you have already matured, and that you are really serious about committing yourself to her once again. By doing the tips mentioned here correctly, getting back with your ex and rekindling your old feelings is definitely possible.
If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.
Improve your style and dressing, go to the gym and lose some weight, exercise and that will not only help you look better but will also help you feel better about yourself. Suppose even if you are not able to reunite, but these improvements will help you in future with your new girlfriend.
“You were right too about how much I coddled my children’s mother. The reality is that I was afraid of her. Just like when we were married I was always trying to keep her from getting mad at me. When I was depressed I had no spine for anything. That era is over as well. Now when she calls, I get the facts of who to pick up when and where, and that’s it.”
If it was too hard the first time, make it easier. If you broke up because she felt that you didn’t give her enough affection or time or that you spent too much time flirting with other women, it’s time to do the exact opposite and to make yourself available to her and have no other women on your radar.
It gives your ex a chance to miss you: After a breakup, emotions are running high for both parties, and it is not unlikely that both you and your ex said some things that you regret. You want your ex to totally forget about all the negative parts of the relationship and only be left with the positives.
I am at the point in my life of really wanting to settle down and be happy. I just don’t know which route is the right one at the moment as I am drawn to them both in different ways – they both have amazing qualities.
It’s been a little over three months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve completed no contact, given her space , never begged or been pushy did the right moves based on advice given on here and other places. She’s still will barely talk to me and will barely reply to text messages. Back in September I purchased a Christmas gift for her and even though we broke up I still sent it to her. She replied thank you for the gift. You didn’t need to. Merry Christmas. Attached to the gift was a clean slate letter. She made no mention of it. I told her she was welcome for the gift. I asked her if she was going to be up for talking soon to clear the air. She never replied back. She isn’t seeing anyone, nor did we have a bad breakup. Since the breakup I have found out that she is mad at me about something I said but I don’t know what I said or who I said it to and she won’t tell me. We’ve had some positive interactions as of late at work, but she’s got a wall so high up now. Where do I go from here? Three months, no contact completed, clean slate letter given, space given, showed activity on social media sites as well and not much recoconcilation has occurred. What can I do? Or is it time to accept the fact that I’m not going to get her back?
For one I feel like she still loves you. For example she had a hard time deleting your number, to me she still wanted to be in contact with you. Two, walking away with the arm to the hand thing is a sign she doesn’t want to let you go. Three, I think she was buzzing you when she said she had another boyfriend because if she did then she wont flip out about you not calling for two days because she’ll be busy with her side kick. Two she had a hard time deleting your number and didn’t want to let you go. I think she said that to hurt you. And I bet she is stalking your friends to find out what you have been up to and see if you miss her. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck.
Unlike you, dear reader, I don’t have any ex-girlfriends. But if I did have an ex-girlfriend to get back with, I imagine I’d do so because it would feel easy. I imagine it would be like settling into an old groove in an old record that I hadn’t heard in a long time. I imagine it would be a very bad idea. But what if it wasn’t? What if it was exactly the right thing to do? Because there are different kinds of exes, is the whole thing.
Just behave as if nothing happened. Don’t treat her in any special way. Treat her just like you would treat any other girl in your friends circle. Don’t ignore her either. It’s important to understand that attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin. So there is not much difference between trying to get her and trying to ignore her. Either way you will keep thinking about her and feel miserable.
The length of Hannah’s skirt changes between the close-up and the far shot of when Matt is staring at her bottom while she is standing on that step ladder. The length changes again to shorter when she descends from the step ladder. See more »
Be proud of yourself. Look around your life – you’ve got a full schedule, interesting hobbies, good friends, and maybe even a long-term project to work on. You’ve taken time to keep yourself balanced and work out your emotions, and you’ve acted firmly but ethically in dealing with the ties that bound you and your ex-girlfriend together. In short, you’ve taken a jumbled pile of feelings, thoughts, and hopes, and built yourself something beautiful with it. Be proud.
Hence, why I don’t believe she’ll be coming back this time. My problem is, even though she displays signs of insecurity and can be down right nasty sometimes, deep down I love and miss her like she’s still a part of my life. I understand that I need to heal, for myself more than anything, and also, for the 1% chance that she may come back one day. I told her that I wouldn’t want to start where we left off, that relationship would be dead, and we would have to start again. The only way to do that is to get over the old relationship. I think it may take some time for her to do that, but I will not be waiting around for that to happen. She told me clearly that she was going to move on and I will be doing the same. I’ve actually started reading “you can heal your life” by Louise Hay which has been great for lifting my spirits, and loving myself again. Anyone feeling the effects of a relationship breakdown and the low self esteem should definitely invest in this book.
Ihave been in love with this one Man for 25 years we were not together for 9 yrs got back together married was together for 8 years now we are divorced be a yr in March he is with someone else we have secretly been together 3 times since the break up and I actually work part time for the same person that he works full time for ee dont actually run into each other every day maybe once a week I love and very much inlove with him we have conquered so much and overcame so much in our time together I love him very much in love with him Just need advice if you can help. Thank you
Once you are done, open your eyes and find the list you made in Anger Exercise above. Hold the envelope in your hand and feel how light it is. Things that putting the burden of tension on you is, as small and light as a feather.
Picture this: you have two people, a master and a slave. Who do you think is higher in the social hierarchy? The master, obviously. By accommodating your ex girl’s every desire or demand, you behaved like a slave (inferior) and she behaved like a master (superior).
Thank you. So you are saying it won’t be a bad move considering his ex wife is going to be on his mind that day and it will be the end of an era? Will it not make him think that I am pouncing on him the moment he is available? Or it will come across as me being there for him on a hard day, irrepsective of what has happened between us? Is there a chance he will think I am inconsiderate to message him that day to bring myself into the day as well?