You should first figure out why she lost interest in you. No contact is meant for you to focus on picking yourself up and not simply giving her space. If you’re able to contact her and face rejection without falling apart, that’s how you’ll know that no contact worked. Since your NC period is ending soon, you could always drop her a casual text and maybe even ask to catch up sometime. Everything isn’t going to fall in place after one day of talking again after a breakup and you’ll have to slowly nurture her back into wanting you, which is why it’s so important to be able to face her without the fear of falling apart every time she pulls away or is cold towards you.
Don’t duke it out. Instead, consider taking a time-out. “There’s a concept called ‘loss aversion’ in economics, which simply means we really hate to lose. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win,” says Anderson. “It happens when couples talk about hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she will ratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue.” The next time you see a spousal spat going to a not-so-happy place, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.
Hi thanks for the great advice! Also it’s hard with the NC rule due to we work together. Just today I talked with her for the first time in 4 days only because I have to at work. Although I said hello and merry Christmas, it was still strictly only work related . She was very dry with me even though it was only work related.
Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile. Always stay positive to feel good about yourself and make yourself attractive to others.
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If you’re in the latter camp, and your girlfriend has said things like, “I’m not sure what I want anymore,” or “I just need some time by myself to figure things out,” she’s likely questioning her own feelings, not yours. The appropriate (and most effective) response here is to tell her you understand her feelings, rather than try to talk her out of them.
Try asking empowering questions instead. It’ll break your pattern of feeling depressed. Change your focus. You’ll feel better, you’ll re-gain control of your emotions and it’ll get you out of that bad place.
Hey Luke, it sounds like you’re on the right path. Just don’t put too much pressure on her to get back together with you or she may walk away. You can always tell her how you feel, but add that you respect her wish to focus on school and you’ll wait for her as a friend first or something.
“How long am I expected to live like this? The days are VERY lonely. It’s an unbelievably depressing feeling to wake up and immediately realize that I’m not home, and have no friends or family to talk with … I get up, I meditate, I swim, I go to work, I eat, I lift some weights, I meditate again and go to sleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I’m not enjoying work (which would normally be a decent distraction), but feel I can’t quit, as I have too many financial responsibilities I have to uphold. I’m amazed I haven’t gone mad yet.
Let her see you having a good time. If you want your ex to want you again, then she has to see you eventually. After enough time has passed — a few weeks, at least — it’s time to get back into her social circle or just to “run into her” at a time when she can see what a great time you’re having. If she knows you’re sitting at home pining for her, she’ll be less likely to want to be with you than if she sees you having a great time, tossing your hair back, and laughing loudly with your buddies.
My girlfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago, we were talking frequently until 3 weeks ago when she moved to Portland, OR (we lived in California together). Last week she started dating another guy and I freaked out, text her (nothing mean) said “wow, that was fast” she got extremely pissed and blocked my number and Facebook. Do I still have a chance at getting her back? I made a lot of mistakes after the breakup, begging to come back to her, argued a couple times, freaked about her dating. I wrote her 2 letters but didn’t send either one yet. One is a love letter and the other is an apology letting her know I accept the breakup and wish her the best.
By taking the initiative instead of waiting to be invited out, you’ll show your friends you still care about them. Additionally, you’ll have a greater amount of control over where you go and what you do together, which should help minimize the chances of running into your ex or anything that reminds you of her.
Hi ryan..thanks for your reply..i will try to give her that space and time like you said..but i really need your advice on how to win her trust back and confidence and keep our love..what so i really do during this break?
If your ex isn’t someone you could see yourself being friends with, either because you don’t get along, they did something unforgivable, or you’re too hung up on them to simply be “just friends,” your first priority after the breakup should be getting over them. There are a few different ways to achieve this, but ceasing contact with them — both in person and via your phone or computer — is of paramount importance.
And unlike other books and courses that provide advice on using persuasion, tricks, games, and manipulation tactics that are ineffective, this course offers counter-intuitive psychological strategies for getting your ex-girlfriend back – strategies that have been proven effective through personal experience as well as over 1,200 personal consultations with men.
Happiness is actually a state within. You don’t need external things or situations for your happiness. By careful introspection, you will observe that you were actually depending on her for you happiness and thus, when she left, a void was created in your life.
What’s up people, my ex of 11 years, 2 kids, engaged for 3 years and only in Portugal 4 months ago viewing wedding venues broke it off with me 2 weeks before Xmas this year. It’s now 6 weeks on and I still have the belief that I can win her back. I want her back, I fucking need her back!!! She’s the one no matter what anybody says. I need to know how to doh. I’ve meet for the coffee and it went fine until we started speaking about us and I had to leave because I didn’t want to meet up an dicuss us I just wanted to see her. So she’s given me all the talk that I need to let her go and we are done etc…