So do try to gently push unproductive thoughts away from you, and focus instead on positive endeavors you care about. Let’s see if we can apply the concept of the cognitive triangle to how to move forward in your case:
Take the time to listen. If she thought you didn’t care about her feelings before, maintain eye contact and let her talk without interrupting. You can mention something she said in the conversation a day later to show that you really do hang on to her every word.
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Sometimes, not communicating with your ex works so well that she’ll realize how much she misses you. Don’t be surprised if she starts calling or messaging you after a week of no contact! (Researchers at the Univ. of Washington have found that the vast majority of relationships can be repaired, so if you play your cards correctly you can expect her to eventually get in touch again).
I was with my ex gf for about a year and no lie, she is the only girl i have ever really felt happy with. Well anyways, i feel that its my fault because i decided to take a brake with the relationship. Now she has a boyfriend who she has been with for 2-3 years. She and I still talk and hang out every now and then (her boyfriend doesnt know she hangs out with me nor does he know who i am), but it feels wrong to me. I know she has a boyfriend so i respect her and keep my hands to myself. She tells me things like “even thoughi have a boyfriend, you were still the best boyfriend i ever had”, or “sometimes i wish you never broke up with me”. I am currently going to college and she had just graduated high school (we are both 18). Her boyfriend doesnt go to school and does not have a job, so i asked her why she has a boyfriend that isn’t doing anything with his life and she said, “because i love him”, that left me speechless. I know he doesnt deserve her because he always argues and cusses at her, doesnt trust her (what is a relationship without trust?), he keeps her on check (where are you at? Who are you with? What are to doing?). I have never cussed at her, yes we argued sometimes but got over them easily. I listen to what she has to say and I’m there for her when she needs it. It hurts everytime she talks about him and even when she talks to him on the phone in front of me (he doesnt know that i am with her) and tells him “i love you” right before they hang up. I miss her so much and wish that she and I can continue our relationship. I can’t be “just friends”because I’ve known her as my lover and nothing less. I really dont know what to do, but what i don’t want is to have to move on. Pleeeaaassse help me out.
A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!
If you think that by being friends with your ex, you can stay in their lives and hopefully get back together again, you are just plain wrong. By being friends you are not giving yourself and your ex enough time and space to heal. Not to mention, you will probably end up getting friendzoned by your ex. You could end up listening to your ex complaining about their new lovers (cue : Ex-girlfriends) or they might propose being friends with benefits (cue: Ex-boyfriends).
If it is not possible for you to go in depth with a woman, try out any random woman wherever you find. Tell her that I want to take a selfie with you and I want my ex-girlfriend to seriously think about me, so please make me hero in this one. It will surely do the trick.
Sometimes we’re just so aware of how we’re acting and the intentions we bring across that whatever we do becomes unnatural. It’s important to be yourself at the end of the day and build up a bond without such ‘motives’ in mind. Remember how he fell for you the very first time. It wasn’t because of motives but simply two people who connected and liked each other. That’s how you should be going about things.
Last week, I learned that my coworker, Maria Del Russo, “goes scorched earth” any time she gets out of a relationship, cutting off all contact from her former love interest. I can’t fault her for that; plenty of people would probably agree that severing all ties is the clearest way to say that it’s really, really over.
Hi thanks for the great advice! Also it’s hard with the NC rule due to we work together. Just today I talked with her for the first time in 4 days only because I have to at work. Although I said hello and merry Christmas, it was still strictly only work related . She was very dry with me even though it was only work related.
thank you! i agree, but he keeps saying he needs time and space and as of right now, he thinks too much has happened between us that can’t be erased. i was going through a hard time and that negativity may have brought him down, but he never told me how he felt until he ended things so i never had the chance to fix that. i’m hoping giving him this time and space he wants will make him realize it, but do you think it may just be too far gone in his mind? i really want a second chance since now i know what his problems with me were, i see how easily fixable they are. i just don’t know how to show him that!