You’ve made mistakes in your life. Of course you have – we all have. But what do you do when you make mistakes? Do you grieve and pity yourself, locking yourself in your bedroom and hiding away from the world?
I’ve written before about being totally and completely “over it”, and many times I don’t think people get to a place where they are 100% non-feeling about their past relationships. Perhaps it’s like scar tissue on their hearts….there is a great deal of healing, but there is still some residual sting associated with it. But, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have feelings for that person. It just means that you’re human, you had an emotional, probably intimate attachment to this person and that’s okay. It’s what you do with those thoughts is what counts. If the thoughts of your ex send you tailspinning into grief, or hating yourself for what you did in the relationship or because he broke up with you, that’s where it can get dangerous (see #9). But, if you still think of this person and have some minor hurt feelings over it, in my opinion, it’s normal.
“Retrosexual romances” seem to be the hottest hook-up trend out there — courtesy of Facebook and other social networking sites that make it super-easy to reconnect with an old flame. But should you? Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, shares the deets on whether to dig back into the past, and, if you do, how to work a happy — and sexy — reunion.
And even more important: Since you are giving him confirmation that you still think about him, he will not feel any pain of missing you. This is definitely not helping to get him back! So whatever you do, don’t call him (unless you have your plan to win him back all laid out, more about that later).
Don’t blame him for the breakup. Acceptance is the key to peace of mind and moving on. When you blame, you will never get out of the self-destructive cycles and patterns that hold you back. Have faith that everything will be fine eventually. When the universe throws you a lemon, turn it into lemonade.
There is nothing you can do to undo what happened between you and your ex-boyfriend. You have to avoid focusing on the past and what might have happened. Stay focused on the present and understand that the relationship was unhealthy. You can start over and begin a new relationship that will be better and stronger.
You will make things worse for yourself if you don’t get him 100% out of your life. That means: no checking him out on Facebook, no Googling his name and no ‘accidently’ being in the same places that you know you will be able to find him. It is hard to erase someone from your life like this, but it’s something that you just have to do.
When someone treats you poorly or does something hurtful, it is a natural and healthy response to feel some anger. Anger helps you be aware of situations that are not in your best interest and can facilitate the separation process from an unhealthy relationship. But when we hold on to anger and resentment from past experiences we take them with us into the future. Nothing hurts more than when someone you love does something that causes you to reevaluate who you believed them to be. When someone betrays the trust you gave, it is painful. But letting what someone else did limit your ability to move forward means they still exert control over your life. Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone else off the hook for his or her bad behavior; it is about your emotional freedom.
Even Though there is no one that knows him as well as I do, it feels like I don’t know him at all. Being with these girls is super out of character for him but at the same time he is terrible at being alone. He is stabborn and narcissistic and I was always the one keeping things toget her between him and everyone around him, keeping his life stable in his own chaos.
Everything was going very fine, and suddenly he messaged me that he doesn’t even want to be with me anymore because he doesn’t feel for me the same way he did. Everyday he was like, he is not going to come back and all. When i came from my home to my college, he is also in the same college, we met again, but still he was like doesn’t have feelings. We spent time as he was clearing the facts that he doesn’t feel for me but still care for me. We shared some intimate moments and he is like that was only one moment, that’s it. How come feelings got vanished suddenly. We never fought and I supported him a lot in every aspect. i have tried so many things to save this relation.
Women are submissive by nature and they want their man to be the polar opposite (dominant). Leaving decisions (could be about anything) to her, is submissive behavior by you, and it places her in the dominant role – a role that the female kind doesn’t take naturally to.
Some people go overboard and try and compensate for their loss by going out every night and staying up late. You are going through a stressful time, so do make sure that you leave some time to relax and be on your own. If you get over-tired, you will get over-emotional; you will need some time to quietly reflect on what has happened and to relax.
Most likely though, every contact with you and every thing you say will be twisted in his head to support his fantasy that you really want him back. By communicating anything other than “No” to him he will hear/see/think whatever feeds his ego that you want him back. Sadly, this is the way some guys are, no respect for a woman’s wishes or feelings, it is all about what they want.
CW, I too took out my frustrations about many things on my ex and failed to support her like I should have. God.. what a terrible regret that is. She hurt me too, but I was worse. Though the way she broke up with me was incredibly cruel, she has treated me as though I was nothing, so I feel like we’re kind of even now. I too adored her, but failed to tell her this anywhere near enough, especially the second half of our relationship. I’m still mad at her for giving up on us, though. I thought we were both willing to work on our problems and not just give up. She was once willing to always keep trying but that no longer seems to be the case. We too had an incredible connection.. unfortunately we also had terrible fights. When it was good it was truly amazing, when it was bad it was truly awful. I just want her to give me another chance to be the person she needed me to be. I still absolutely believe we could overcome our problems if we were both willing to try our hardest and actually put things into place to prevent bad behaviour.
What It Is: No matter what happened between you and your ex, you can spend a lot of timing thinking about giving things another (ill-advised) shot. So whether it’s an old-fashioned pro and con list that you read when you want to ask your ex out again or a print-out of a blistering e-mail your were sent during a fight, seeing the pain in black and white can keep you from going back to a bad situation. [otp_overlay]