Be willing to have an honest conversation with your ex-boyfriend and if possible, let him know about your lingering feelings for him. Make sure to ask him if he is still interested in you, though, before starting to gush about your desire to rekindle your relationship. If he says no, then I think it is really time to move on.

If your ex’s friends ask you if or why you are “avoiding” them, just say something like: “I’m really trying to make some time for myself. While I was with [your ex], I didn’t always get to. Now that we’re no longer together, I’m making that a priority.”

After a week of no real communication we got together for a chat where he said that he didn’t want to cut me completely out of his life but didn’t want a full-on relationship at the moment but proposed that we began dating again to see if we could “reignite the spark” with no real idea of where it might lead. It could lead to us getting back together it might not… but we would be exclusive to each other .

But the more breakups I’ve gone through, the better I’ve gotten about making sure when the person walks out the door, so does my anxious desire to hold on them. Here are the 5 foolproof steps I’ve found for how to get over someone you love:

I feel you on the impatience. I am so sick of the cycles up and down. When I’m down I’m so out of myself, I can’t function. I just cry and cry. I can’t label it, I just hurt. It feels like its never going to end and I get so frustrated and mad at myself for still feeling like this 5 weeks later, especially now knowing he was never sad and feels most likely relieved and excited to be out of the long distance relationship we had and the stress of my adult life responsibilities (he still lives with his parents, doesn’t have debt or his own credit card, his new gf is 23 and fresh out of college working at a daycare and lives in his town).

You first have to understand if him saying that you’re unable to focus on your career is a legitimate worry he has or if it’s an excuse to end things. That would determine if you should contact him, because if it’s a real concern he has, and you are able to convince him that you can stay focused and still be with him, then you should try to fix things.

Hi there, I would like to know if you think there is any hope. My bf of eight months broke up with me saying he wasn’t sure about the next step. Things had been pretty good up until then although we were going slow. I am the first girl he’s liked in five years and his history doesn’t seem very strong in relationships. He was engaged about twenty years ago (he’s 46 now) and he thinks that’s the one time he might’ve been in love. Before he went overseas he made an announcement that I was the total and complete package for him and I thought he was going to propose and instead he broke up with me a few days later saying he wasn’t ready for the next step. He confused me so much when he did that because he seemed totally devastated to do it and wouldn’t stop crying. Then he went overseas for six weeks to visit his dying father, then he came home and we had a few romantic nights. I lost it with him a few times because I couldn’t work out where his head was at and have said some nasty things to him. Nasty to the point where I’m surprised he still speaks to me. His father died a few weeks after he got home, he had to go away again and before he left we were in a good place friend-wise. He has two friends in the city we live in and I’m one of them. He had a pretty traumatic time overseas arranging the funeral etc and I only got one email in four weeks but I knew he had stuff to do so I didn’t worry. Anyway, he’s home now and we had one dinner and drinks date the other night which went well but at the end of it he told me he can’t ever see us back together. I cried of course and told him I couldn’t be friends with him because I want everything from him and friends would never be enough. I even told him I’d thought he was going to propose. He’s pretty upset that I don’t want to be friends and I asked him to pretty much pretend I don’t exist at work (we’re in different divisions so don’t need to speak for work and it’s a huge building). He’s pretty much used to me sending cute messages every couple of days so he knows he’s loved and cared for but I’ve started no contact on him and haven’t done anything at all. He’s seen me twice at work (and I promise I looked very hot!) and looked like he wanted to walk straight over to me but respected what I’d asked for and just smiled at me. When we last spoke he kept begging me to take some time and then maybe I’d be able to be friends with him so I know it’s not his get out of jail free card and he genuinely wants my friendship but I would never be able to do it. As a side note, he’s a hoarder, is pretty messed up emotionally (even more so after his father died) and even admitted that he hasn’t washed dishes or clothes in the two weeks since he’s been home so he clearly has depression. He sleeps all day on the weekends and doesn’t seem motivated to do anything. To my knowledge he isn’t being treated for any illnesses and has never come out and said there’s anything wrong with him, he has told me the other things and even that he has rats. I on the other hand am an A-list girl and can get anyone I want but now I can’t stop crying because HE’S all I want. My question is do you think it’s worth persevering, doing NC then reintroducing myself in a non friend way and seeing if he responds or is it a waste of time after he’s said he can’t see us back together?

Personally, it’s been quite a long while. It may be worth a shot to try contacting her once more and you could be honest and explain the situation back then and apologize for it, then see if she’s willing to still stay friends.

So then I see a picture on insta of him & that girl & messaged him finding out they started dating less than a week after our last fight because “they just clicked” & right after finals he went to her house out of state & met her parents (she is rich & apparently has her own house). He said they really like each other but don’t love each other yet & isn’t even thinking about marriage. I told him it didn’t make sense why he’s with her & he said he had a change of heart/things happened fast. We had an ugly fight after that because I was so angry, it was the worst one & he said that’s why he left me. I made a lot of mistakes, really seeming needy but he’s blocked me on everything telling me he really likes her & I need to respect that. I said I did & just wanted to talk/be friends (which he said too) but he’s blocked me. I think it’s a rebound but he broke up with a girl like a month before meeting me & he says he completely shuts out exes. It doesn’t seem like they match but that he really likes her. I don’t know what to do but just really want him back since I’m committed to him but I feel like the more they’re together, they’ll fall in love & I’ve already made myself look like a fool. Help!

Given the circumstances, he may either be currently unsure on how he feels about you and is trying to figure things out, or he may be pushing you away because something happened, in which case you’ll have to figure which of the 2 it is. It’s also surprising that he said yes to being exclusive but retracts it the very next day, stating that he has issues he wants to sort out first and not telling you about these things before hand.

The only way to truly gain the benefits of the no contact rule is to follow it all the way through. That means that if you broke the no contact rule, the only thing to be done is to start the no contact period over again.

Should I ask if he’s in another relationship? Or should I continue to act like I have no knowledge since he hasn’t told me himself? Also, does the fact that this will be his 2nd relationship since our breakup worsen my chances of getting him back? [otp_overlay]