Don’t discount his hurt and his concerns and issues. Too often we just dismiss what our significant other says as being not the way things are, not reality. But every thought and especially every emotion has a basis and a personal truth. To him these things are worth addressing and are bothersome and if you truly love him you should be ready to listen, process and react to what he says when he is coming from an emotionally open and honest place. It’s hard for anyone to speak from those personal places and every effort should be commended as such.
Hi Ryan, I’ve been feeling anxiety lately due to my ex has been dating her ex before me lately. It hurts so bad and its killing me because I love and miss her so much. Feels like she moved so fast and doesn’t care about what we had, which is crazy to me. We had such a strong connection, yet she seems un phased with moving on. I feel like she is slipping away from me more and more each day. Like I should be pursuing her now. I remember she told me once she likes persistence chase after her. To see if you’re willing to work to get her. I asked her before the nc thing started if she wanted me to stop chasing her. She said she wasn’t sure if she did or didn’t. my heart hurts because she spent Christmas and will spend new years with this other person. We were suppose to spend these times together before the break up. She text me yesterday and sent a photo and asked if I remember where it was from. it was a pic from a place we use to eat at all the time.. I replied yes..i couldn’t tell if she was missing me or just letting me know she was at our place to eat with someone else.. I really want my girl back soon! 🙁
So start to examine your beliefs about the people, things, and events around you. Examine what you believe about you. Can you really blame if people act the way they act around you? You can change the way they think of you through your thoughts.
I agree about this sudden loss of seratonin as if it was an addiction. I think that a lot of the chemicals in our brains are less, dopamine also. It really does feel like “withdrawals” of some sort, and it takes time to wean yourself off of any addiction or even just habits you may have had for months or years. I think it is also a sort of grieving process that we go through because we spent so much time and energy (blood, sweat and tears!) into that relationship, and usually afterwards, the friendship is even gone. All I know is, love hurts when it’s over. If it doesn’t hurt to be dumped or break up with someone, then it wasn’t love…
Make a list of all the things that your ex did that may have bothered you. Write these down partly for closure, and partly as a reminder of the things that you do not want in your new partner. While it is very difficult to find perfect partner, it is good to be conscious of making the same mistakes twice.
You can’t blame your love for this whole thing. You cannot blame your circumstances for this. You cannot blame time or distance for this. In fact, if time and distance are an issue in your relationship, that’s because you THOUGHT and BELIEVED that they are an issue.
As mentioned above, you need to be better than what he remembers you to be. Hotter. Way hotter. This can be a huge motivator to any guy to get back together. It’s important that you don’t see each other for some time, and then once you do – he is just blown away by how much prettier you’ve become.
You should stop thinking about him/she. The best thing to do that is to remove there pictures and things that remind you of them. You should appreciate the things that were good and forgive the bad things. Your ex move on and so should you! Go and find someone else, someone better. Set goals and make it happen! 🙂
This is a great post, thank you. I just had my heart broken into so many pieces. He said he wanted to be engaged 4 weeks ago after a 2 year relationship…and then two weeks after that we broke up because “he fell out of love” and didn’t want to drag me through if he didn’t love me. He was abused as a kid and I think the getting closer scared him, and he hurt me so bad. I decided to stop talking to him today. I thought I was getting over it, but the wave of grief and self pity that happened upon deciding to sever communications definitely cleared that up. Anyway, thanks for that article. Everything and any little thing helps when going through this. As this is my first huge breakup, I had no idea there was a world of people out there experiencing such pain…I will never be insensitive again.
“First, it’s to get control of yourself and get some perspective on the relationship.” – this is a great point..hope all women try this instead of jumping into getting back into the relationship at once
Listen to your friends and family. Although you might feel defensive, those who are close to you and know you well often have good insight into your relationships. If someone you know and trust has a bad feeling about your relationship, you should take that as an indication that there could be trouble.
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Sticking to a regular workout routine reduces stress and tires your body (which makes it virtually impossible to find yourself staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., wondering WTF went wrong). Hit a new class with a friend, or sign up for a group run (many local running shops, and stores like Lululemon and Nike, offer these).
Aug2008 we began our relationship. Like all it had its ups, downs, twists and its turns. I moved in with her into her family home to make it cheaper on both of us and help save for a place of our own. 2009 I lost my job to an injury. I hated myself and became heavily depressed. We still had a lot of good times but I still became more depressed. Living in my girlfriends family home, her working, me not being able to provide. Looking for work was immediate and then eventually became less and less with depression. I grew moody and I wasn’t in my shell of a body much after so long. 2011 my mind had twisted arguments and I felt like everybody was against me. I left her. I left the person that stood by me through what I was going through. Though in instances we were both to blame for agreements and so on. I had the audacity to leave… May2015.. I still love her.
The first time I got dumped I was 14. It was my first boyfriend and after about 6 months of dating, he walked me to class, handed me a note and that was it. Tears streamed down my face in math class as I read, “I feel like we’re just friends that hold hands.” In other words, Mr First Boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t go to second base with him.
Write all those things down and focus on them. That will help force your brain to realize that your relationship with him wasn’t all sunshine and happiness, and in fact there were a lot of reasons that you might not have been happy. Do that – and you’ll make huge strides in erasing his power over you.