But don’t get me wrong, he really loved me. Every cell in my body could feel it. He cared for me more than anything else in the world and even his curfew was the result of his concern for me. His only flaw is that he’s too stubborn and possessive. He was awfully nice and good to me otherwise. I really regret having not cherished him more when I could.
You need to get rid of this addiction before you can approach her and get her back. As long as you are addicted to her, you will be needy and desperate. And if you are needy or desperate, you will never be able to approach her from a position of strength.
Own up to your issues. If your ex-partner agrees to meet with you in person, you should start the conversation by owning up to your issues. It’s important that you focus on being generous, open, and honest with your ex-partner when you reconnect. You may decide to bring a list of your issues and details on how you are going to work on dealing with them, or you may explain how you have been working on your issues while you and your ex-partner have been apart.
Hi Lauren, I’ve been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here’s my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I’ve flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we’d move to ireland for good when I retired since I’m the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I’m a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn’t think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. “If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?” I said no. “what about after five years to raise our kids?” I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that’s our plan. Or we’ll do what’s best for our fam…
There’s something magical about putting thoughts on paper the old school way; with a pen and paper. I often suggest to the people that I speak too during private consultations to write a letter to their ex to communicate key messages in a different way, to prove their change, to surprise their ex and to re-establish contact in an unorthodox manner.
So 4 months pass with her being a bit distant (i had just thought it was due to her sudden loss) and she just comes out with it … she needs a brake … but in her words not a full split (i was left very confused).
“She is making a huge mistake with that guy. Her new boyfriend is not the right person for her. I am. I need to speak to her immediately and convince her to leave the other guy for me. If I don’t, it may be too late.”
My dad told me that, and I hate to say, but it’s true. You know that thing that annoyed you about him that made you realize you’re not compatible? He still has that. People do not change. He still likes bad Nicolas Cage movies. He still thinks that terrible taco place next to him is “a nice restaurant”; he still argues the same way. So all you can do is change socks. Aka find someone new. Life is short. You deserve to be happy and eating at a restaurant with at least an A rating.
Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space. I broke up with a man who suddenly dumped me with a phone message when he knew I was not home. Friends of ours told me to give him space, and I did not; big mistake on my part. He is with a woman he and his parents know, she is old enough to be his mother. He sometimes chats when he sees me in the area. I began to feel like I’m sitting on the back burner and decided to just greet him and not chat unless he wants to chat. A good male friend told me to give him six months, it has been three months, so I’ll see what develops….
Hey Ryan! So we have continued texting after the last time I told you about (the phone call where he said he felt pressured and another time to catch up since I was going away) I text him saying I was going away and he said have a lovely trip and take some piccies(photos). He said he had a nice Xmas but is a little sunburnt. I text him a photo a few days later while I was away and he replied in 1 minute saying omg that looks amazing where are u? I didn’t reply and he then sent me a message on 1st of January saying happy new year I replied later that day saying hey! Just watched a house of cards, reminded me of you, made me smile! He replied within 2 minutes saying 🙂 too hungover to physically smile but that’s a nice thought! I had a bad experience where someone tried to break in my house so I called him early that morning then I realised I shouldn’t have done that so I sent a text saying just an update I’m safe now, at my friends place. He then replied saying glad you’re safe, you are better off calling the police if you feel unsafe. Then later that day I text him saying I’m still feeling a bit shaken by it would you be up for a phone call, he replied saying sorry I don’t feel like talking in the phone at the moment but don’t let this dampen your new year, there are plenty of jerk guys in the world, just be you and love it! I replied saying I understand and did u have a good day he replied yeah, did a lot of furniture moving and sent me a photo of what he had changed in his room. After that it was his birthday so I sent a message saying happy birthday! He replied within the hour saying 🙂 thanks lady! I didn’t reply and have started no contact as I feel when i am a bit distant he replies instantly kind of thing. I was thinking to continue no contact until around the 16th of January which would mean I haven’t texted him since the 4th of January. In my text on the 16th of January I was planning to say if he’s free to catch up for a quick cuppa sometime this week? I don’t want to do the wrong thing since I have asked before, but he is a big introvert and he rarely ever asks anyone to catch-up even friends/family. They usually ask him. My only fear is that he has said yes he’d like to catch up but wants to find his own feet first, he said this in December though. What would u recommend?
When you shower him with attention and affection, it shows him that you’re desperate. He knows you love him – he just broke up with you. When you remind him how much you love him, what actually happens is that he thinks you’re trying to manipulate him into getting back together with him, and it turns him off.
Im just curious what your thought is on this. My girlfriend left a month ago and I know a lot of the reason was me. I did the normal crazy messaging thing. A week after she left she got into an open relationship with her best friend of 10 years. Is this a rebound thing or did she just now realize she is in love with her?
Like I said in the above two scenarios. Insecurity, jealousy, control and manipulation are present in almost every unhealthy relationship. If your ex girlfriend didn’t feel attracted to you by the end of your relationship; there’s a good chance you exhibited these traits in the relationship.
Most of the time getting your ex back is still possible if you have the right attitude and mindset; if you are willing to be patient and to put in the work! Our experience in the field will enable us to advise you based on what you are currently going through.
1st – It will help you to avoid looking needy and insecure. As you already know, neediness and insecurity are biggest attraction killers so it is better to avoid displaying these two unattractive qualities.
So when I hear someone tell me “I want my ex back because they are the most amazing person in the world and quite possibly my soul mate” I always remind those people that they are pretty amazing too! If your ex fell for you, if you were able to inspire and seduce them the first time around, it means that you have tons of qualities to offer as well.
Some will tell you it’s totally okay to go back to your ex — as long as you ask yourself important questions and make sure you’re going back to him or her for all the “right” reasons. Those reasons shouldn’t include comfort or loneliness or fear of putting ourselves out there with someone new. Well-intentioned folks will advise you to be honest about what you truly want, both with yourself and your ex. And that’s pretty good advice, isn’t it?
If you can’t trust her right now, and there are major issues with the relationship, even chasing her and getting her back now would yield the same result as the previous time (in August). If you get back together with her, ideally you want the relationship to be better than before, not the same or what’s the point? THIS is why you should leave it alone for now and disregard whatever your instincts are telling you because it isn’t the way to win her back or sustain a lasting relationship. Work on your issues first and complete NC, then win her back with the changed you.
“Hey, I know our past relationship ended badly. And I am as skeptical about the future as you are. But spending the past few weeks with you have been very nice and I have a good feeling about this. Do you want to give us another try? Maybe take things slow, and see how it goes?”
The best thing I can recommend you do to do both of these things is to read 10 Steps to Gain Husbandly Leadership. It’s a “pay what you want” guide to stepping up and becoming the man your wife wants.