I’ve been using no contact which was so helpful even though I broke it twice, once to ask if he wanted to hook up and once more asking to hang out before he left to the new city, I got “I’m really busy but maybe” back both times.
In order to get to this stage you will need a bit of courage and show a genuine interest for your ex; in other words you need to provide him or her with attention to make them feel valued and be an active listener. Whether you reestablish contact via a Facebook message, in person or through an email the important thing is to show that you are genuinely interested in how they are doing and in what they’ve become. Ask him or her questions and pay attention to their answers and concerns in order to rebound on something that they may say or give more importance too and create an organic free flowing conversation. Especially in the beginning or during the first few times that you communicate. He or she will feel your genuine interest; although you may not have talked in years it will seem as if you’ve been in contact all along. He or she will quickly start to confide in you and you will have your opportunity to re-seduce your ex!
By the way, the best results I’ve seen for people with abusive anger is with the energy therapy techniques of Bradley Nelson, which Dale Petterson in my office does for my clients. It’s quite amazing how these techniques seem to pull the anger out by the roots….though multiple interventions plus conventional couple and individual treatment have to be part of the treatment strategy.
This conversation took place a week ago and I have seen him twice since then just to hang out really at our house and have been in contact by text every day. He today told me that he is going to be moving closer to his work and moving in with a colleague which means an hour’s drive away from me.
Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex. In my experience, it can take up to 30 days. However, in extreme cases, it could range from anywhere from 2 months to 6 months.
If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. It’s simple and very effective. All you have to do is stop all the communication with your ex for a short period of time. This includes
So to do this no contact for 4 weeks do I even tell him it’s over for me or just start it since as of yesterday he’s upset with me I let the new girl know we’re still dating. And yes it appears he’s lying to both of us.
He needs to desire you, a lot. Be sexy and provocative, but don’t sleep together the first time you meet to “catch up” and see whether he also wants to get back together or not. Let him think about you. Drop a hook, and make him feel horrible when he sees how much you’ve improved, how well you are doing, how sexy you look and how your life is taking another direction. Don’t try to fake it. He knows you and he’ll know whether you’re full of crap or not.
Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.
Be specific about what you are sorry for. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for hurting you,” say, “I’m sorry for not returning your calls.” This will help convince him that you have genuinely put some thought into the things you have to be sorry for.
“How long am I expected to live like this? The days are VERY lonely. It’s an unbelievably depressing feeling to wake up and immediately realize that I’m not home, and have no friends or family to talk with … I get up, I meditate, I swim, I go to work, I eat, I lift some weights, I meditate again and go to sleep. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I’m not enjoying work (which would normally be a decent distraction), but feel I can’t quit, as I have too many financial responsibilities I have to uphold. I’m amazed I haven’t gone mad yet.
Here’s my problem, I was begging, pleading, and trying to look pity for my ex-girlfriend just to make her stay. We had sex then goodbye. Then i saw your videos about No Contact Rules. Following your advice about no contact rules was hard as hell. My target is FULL 30 DAYS no contact but in my two weeks of battle. Suddenly she texted me, i try to ignore her, then she call me using other number so we talked since its likely rude to ignore her at all. She told me she wasn’t happy in her new bf. She felt sorry for me. She’s asking me if there was any chance to rebuild our relationship?Is she still welcome to my life? I told her i am awesome now, i currently dating to someone else the she get madly jealous. She doesn’t want me to date others.She really want to see me but ill be the one who refuse to see her. I told her i will only see you when you come back to me. She wanted me to stick around but u said to your videos not to get in friendzone.
Hello to you all, My name is Rhumer S. Barioga i am from Philippines,in two years i have been living alone because of my ex-boyfriend that i with all my heart,i call him to come to back to me but he did not he told me that he don’t love me aging that he love someone,so i did not know what to do because i love him so much that i cant live him,so one i was on face book and i see someone tell a testimony abut this man called Dr,Okwyzil that he help her to get back her ex husband back to her but i did not believe that dis DR can do it,so i did not email the Dr but i email the girl an ask her if that was rely she told me that Dr,Okwyzil do a spell for her and ask her to use it on him and she did it,but i did not believe but i ask her to gave his email and his number to call him so she did so i call this Dr,Okwyzil and told him all.he told that he will do a spell to help me ask me to email him on email firstname.lastname@example.org and he send me some info that i will gave him to use i send him the info so he did a spell and send someti to use on him an i do what he ask me to do and i call him an tell him that have don it he told that my ex-boyfriend will call me the let day,so i was at home hem someone call me in my supply it was my ex-boyfriend he told me that he was sorry for what he did and he love me so i told my ex-boyfriend that have a boyfriend now but he told that he will knell hesif if i don’t take him back i told him that i will call him,the let day i see him at my house ask me to forgave him that he don’t know what hpped to him i told him to go i will call him but he did not he was den for 1pm to 4pm i look at him ask him if he love me he told me yes and ask me if i will marry him so i told him yes,now my ex-boyfriend is now my husband we have two child i an very happy now with my husband,so one day i told Dr,Okwyzil that i and my husband don’t have a good job and ask him to help me,now me and my husband is working in a good company ,i don’t know how to thank Dr,Okwyzill for what he did for me sir god will bless your me,so to you all that love someone and you need him back i will ask you to email Dr,Okwyzil for help on hes.email email@example.com
I have just broke up with my BF after our 5 months relationship together. We never had fight or argument along 5 months. Everything went very well and we both were very happy. He suddenly told me he wanted to be just friends but with lots of different reasons like I am too sweet, I am too good and he isn’t good enough as a BF. But I found out 8 days later that the real reason of breaking up was he going back to his ex who he was with for 2 years. They broke up nearly a year ago and she asked him to try again. Their relationship ended because a lady said he didn’t try hard enough… My Bf feels like it was his fault of ending his relationship with her so he seemed excited to get her back and told me he is preparing to try and change because he was happy when he was with her.. He left me to go back to his ex and now he is very happy having her back…Do you think is there any chance for me to get him back?
What’s most important is that you get your ex’s thoughts on what happened and what needs to change with your relationship in the future, if you two both want to give it another try. It’s vital for you two to communicate and figure out how you’re going to improve yourselves and have a better relationship.
Since it has been over a year, perhaps you can refer to this article as a guideline to getting your ex back. I would suggest that you start off as friends first and work your way from there if you really want her back.
Honestly, ask yourself: how many people do you know who have broken up, gotten back together and now have thriving long term relationships? Now, ask yourself how many people you know who got back together with an ex and broke up again? The odds are against you. Have you heard the saying, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity”?
My experience is that some abusers are genuinely willing to learn and to apply what they learn so that they cease their controlling and abusive ways (note: the controlling stance as well as the explicit abuse must change for the future to look promising).
Hi Lauren, I’ve been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here’s my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I’ve flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we’d move to ireland for good when I retired since I’m the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I’m a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn’t think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. “If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?” I said no. “what about after five years to raise our kids?” I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that’s our plan. Or we’ll do what’s best for our fam…
But I finally decided for my own well-being that I can’t keep up the friendship facade. It feels like I’m abandoning him, but I think it’s the right thing for me. I guess my question is, can I make this an exception to the no contact rule? I told him if he really needed to talk or wanted to check in on me, I would be ok with it, but that I wouldn’t be the one to contact him until I felt ready. I don’t know if he will contact me, but I felt like it was important for me to leave the door ajar since I’m the only important relationship in his life and he’s been pretty miserable for a while now.
The first step for how to get your ex back is understanding your mistakes. Look I don’t know you and I also don’t know why your relationship ended. If you make big mistake or your ex left you for unknown reason. But, one thing I can surely say to you is that your relationship comes to an end because of one of these 5 reasons:
Amazingly though, a few months later, we were (and are) back together and engaged. We couldn’t be happier, and it’s all because of an old friend of mine from way back, who showed me that there’s a specific get your girlfriend back process which you NEED to follow if you are going to succeed in getting your girl back.
Feelings of deep attachment to a partner, as anthropologist Helen Fisher notes, take a lot of time but usually endure once they’re formed. The most successful rekindled relationships benefit from the built-in intimacy of the previous relationship, a kind of comfort you want to keep returning to.
Instead, my backslide was pretty typical. We missed each other, and I felt like maybe I hadn’t given him enough of a chance before. I was sure we could work out our problems and build the kind of loving, supportive relationship I had always wanted.
My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won’t answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am trying so hard to stop contacting him via text but it’s hard because we talked everyday for six months. I cry and miss him terribly and he won’t talk to me. I am trying to hard to do the 30 day no contact rule. my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
It is possible you may want to know from where this panic comes from. In simple words, I can explain when you get immediate loss of control it triggers panic. When you are in relationship you smile, enjoy and argue with your ex boyfriend because you know you can control your relationship but when breakup occurs you lost control and enters into world of unknown feelings that trigger panic. This make you dunk dial to your ex and say everything that only make things worst.