The thought of your ex being with someone else is a gut wrenching one. But in reality, it’s not as bad as we make it out to be. We will get into that later, but first, let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.

That’s good Emily, initiate No Contact first and give both parties some space to let go of any negative emotions or thoughts. He may very well be serious about the possibility of working out, but that’s definitely not something that can be achieved right now.

I’m really missing her and don’t know if i should ever get in touch with her .. its been 14 days… Should I try to get in touch soon and have a proper mature discussion about us breaking up? It just bothers me so much how we had something so good and it just crashed and burned. For some reason I keep thinking we should try again in the future as we do have a deep bond and according to 2 mutual friends, she is battling through some depression which caused her to reach out to her ex whenever she felt insecure with us doing distance. Does NOT justify it.. but I feel sorry for her in that she was battling that stuff…

Once you’re done figuring things out on your own, you obviously need to have a conversation with your ex. An honest convo guys, not one where you’re both just like, “I miss you, I can’t live without you!” Talk about what you both want to change, what you want in the future and what’s been going on while you were together. Get everything out there now!

A strong healthy relationship can be one of the best things in life for good health and wellbeing. Read the following article for some great advice on keeping your relationship alive>>http://www.helpguide.org/mental/improve_relationships.htm<< You put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex. Sometimes, people do it just to hold on to the possibility of being with their ex in the future. It’s a direct consequence of begging and pleading. It makes your ex think “Well, if you are that desperate to be with me, then you must accept everything that I want.” As we can see, reverse psychology is all about control. It’s tied very much to a person’s ego. If you can communicate to a person’s subconscious that their control is being taken away…their subconscious will look for ways to prevent this from happening. Have you recently been broken up with? Are you experiencing a feeling of loss? Does your gut tell you that this can’t be the end because you are convinced that you are made for each other? Looking to get back with your boyfriend or girlfriend can be admirable if done... I am obsessed with her and cannot stop thinking about her or texting her daily, I am even failing managing to eat the way I want them back, I have learned from my previous mistakes, suffered damages, I feel broken beyond repair, but became a better person from it all because of the struggles I have been through, I am ashamed of what I have done and has accepted what I caused, but I am a new version of me and want a new start and to spend my life with them, I love and I miss them very much, and would do anything to get her back You already replied to the first part and then again to the second part of my situation, but I have an important update… This is LONG distance. I Have just moved to a new city and the earliest I could get back to see her would be the end of August… how should I proceed with your advice given the important fact that I have a new job for 3 years in a different city (2 hour flight apart from her). We talked about distance before we broke up and she said she wasn’t happy doing it for 3 years, and would possibly do it to start off but would want to move in… Then we had the ugly breakup I describe below. I would greatly appreciate input!! PLEASE. This is the first part, followed by your reply, and then the second part followed by your second reply. Understand that your ex feels that you are incapable of changing in the way that they wished you would changed; that’s why they broke up with you (if they did!) or why they don’t want to get back together. It's been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex. This has been a great and more polished read, and I thank you for that. This past year has been a roller coaster. I made plenty of mistakes, big and small but I would like to say that I've learned a lot and made changes to myself... and I'm still spotting my weaknesses/mistakes and trying to improve. I think you honestly need to sit down and figure out what it is you want. It looks like the crossroads here is between him, or starting a family, so it's important to know which comes first to you, and stick to it. You wouldn't want to regret down the road on a decision you felt wasn't made based on thorough logic but whim of the moment and it's too late to go back in time to change anything. Now, we didn't actually get back together "completely" for another few days, she had to think about it some more, but I knew after spending the night that we would.  So technically it took me a week to get to move back in with her, and things are SO MUCH better now that I've learned to appreciate what I almost lost from my life forever. I believe very strongly that outside influences have some bearing on the breakups. For example money problems, problems at work , health problems, etc. I believe these contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. If we don't deliberately pay attention and put your loved one first. Then your are heading down a real steep hill and soon you will fall off the cliff. Breakup is hard as it is, especially if you are still obsessing over your ex and wondering all the time whether or not they miss you. On top of that, if your ex starts dating someone else, it’s almost feels like someone punched you really hard in your stomach (while wearing a wolverine claw). Nothing can prepare you for this feeling. But it happens. And no, it’s nothing to worry about. Whatever it is – it’s an opportunity to text him, “Hey, I saw a commercial for a cruise the other day and it reminded me when we went to the beach for a week together. That was so much fun, I’m really glad we did that together.” It's hard to slam on the brakes when you're making up for lost time, not to mention enjoying being so familiar with each other. But admit it or not, you've both changed and need to take time to get reacquainted. "Try to look at it as a brand-new relationship," says relationship therapist Bethany Marshall, PhD, author of Deal Breakers. It feels exceptionally terrible to be losing the love of your life, especially when you are about to propose to her, mentally and financially ready for her, and also on a festive season. Im lost, i really want her back and wished that i can still work things out, but i know, the ball is no longer in my court. I can only keep improving, keep working and praying. “If you broke up because of an incidence of cheating, and the person is not a chronic cheater or liar, and you see your part in the cheating incidence, even if you were not the person doing the cheating — then there is a good chance you can work toward a healthy reunion and a long-term relationship,” says Masini. She explains that if you broke up because of a cheating incident and are willing to work on the reasons why it happened, what your part was in the problem and can let go of the past, you should absolutely consider getting back together. “Use the incident as an opportunity for greater intimacy.” A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact. A hand written letter stands out in this age of digital technology. Of course, you can use an email as well. It was great at first, of course.  Then each month we lived together we seemed to fight more and more.  She seemed to feel I was taking her for granted and not helping out around the house and it started to feel to me like nagging.  Then I started spending more time with my friends to avoid fighting with Lori and she complained that I wasn't spending enough time with her and too much time at the bars.  One fight led to another and she kicked me out last month. More thinking! Like I said before, consider the answer to this question: Why did you guys break up? Was it because of something you can work on fixing, like you didn't have enough time for each other? Or was it because of something much bigger, like distance or one of you wanting something the other person doesn't want? If the problems you had before can't be resolved, there is no point in getting back together... your relationship will end up right back how it was. But if you two have problems you can both work on fixing, then there's a much better chance things will be great. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Though you should avoid making the same mistakes, if you're constantly obsessing over not making them, you won't be able to enjoy the relationship. Just have fun and try not to think about it too much unless you're having a conflict. If you're so worried that you'll lose him again every step you take, you won't be able to live in the moment. You might want to consider moving on since you have never met her but she might have met him. This makes things difficult for you as her connection with him might be stronger due to the physical memories they've shared. You can try talking to her once but if she doesn't respond positively, do yourself a favor and walk away. He is a very social man, has always been, I on the other have had troubles in the past making friends. But I wanted to make it work, to make the efforts, and I started really believing in a future with him, started making plans and projects with him I never thought of ( children, work…). We lived for months together there (10 in total) Bit by bit she started to acknowledge the fact that I truly love her, care about her and really want to make commitments with her but it's to late now and she firmly believes that I haven't really changed and will be the old self in less than a month. My suggestion is to complete 30 days of No Contact and spend this time to focus on all these things you've mentioned. Once you've picked yourself up from this and think you've at least improved from the last time she saw you, then you could contact her again if you really want her back. My girlfriend and I were together for a year and 2 months and she kept repeating, daily, that this is the best thing in her life, and we're meant together. We are very close. I've personally never known a person I want to be with more than her, and she expressed the same in visits, writing letters, and texts. Around Christmas, while she was staying with her family (she lives in the adjacent country but we travel constantly to see each other), and after a small discussion about where she might get a job and where we would live together, she turned completely and said (on new year's eve) she can't do a relationship anymore, she wants to be alone, that she's a toxic person to me (she isn't), and never wants a relationship again, ever, with anyone. She did not explain the details why making such a heavy decision, she said she feels inadequate, and that I shouldn't contact her any more if I want her to stay. I am very confused. Now it's been twenty days since we last had any contact and it's killing me, I miss her and I wish we could talk. I have no idea what to do. Do not call it a date. I repeat. Do not call it a date. If you do, your ex will put their defenses up faster than Garfield finds Lasagna. You don’t want them thinking that you are looking to get back together. At least not now. You want them to go out with you as a friend. And then you can build up attraction while you are with them. right after he came to visit. It was late and he spent the night. We ended up making out and the next day things backfired and he started acting up as if I'm nothing and he started regretting what happened. dat was just last 2 weeks. I’ve designed the EBP Basics E-course to help you get through Stage 2 of this article. It will send you an email everyday for the next 30 days to help you become a better version of yourself. You can subscribe by taking this quiz. Out of sight is NOT out of mind, when it comes to breaking up. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' is a lot more accurate. So in the days and weeks immmediately following your breakup? The more you're shoving yourself in your ex's face, the harder it will be to change their mind and get them back. believe me males are selfish if u agreed to stay friends he wont want u back cause ur doing what he wants not u he wants by his side to not lose u and talk to and act what he wants whenever he feels like it, [otp_overlay]