It is God’s intention that a good marriage not be a result of highly biblical marriage counseling or top-notch coaching. I believe I have offered here solid, practical help for a guy in crisis, but it may only be a Bandaid if that guy does not see that the most important relationship he has is with Christ. Our Lord cares about your marriage, but He cares more about you and your relationship with Him. He intends that you walk fully devoted to Him, like all those He calls. Walking in full submission to God, sold out to Him, you will find the grace and power to be the husband God calls you to be. A good marriage is a natural result of walking closely to the Lord — not of learning the tricks of communication and love.
My bf of five months is going thru a divorce. He broke up with me saying he could fall in love with me so easily but can’t let himself and needs time to heal from his marriage. It is an increasingly messy divorce. He messaged the next day saying he has set up counselling and will sort everything out and then again to say he loved every minute with me and is sorry he’s not himself right now. I told him to take the time he needs to heal and have been responding to his texts but am finding this all very had and confusing….
Hi Lauren, I’ve been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here’s my situation. I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I’ve flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we’d move to ireland for good when I retired since I’m the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I’m a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn’t think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise. Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. “If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?” I said no. “what about after five years to raise our kids?” I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that’s our plan. Or we’ll do what’s best for our fam…
The best thing I can recommend you do to do both of these things is to read 10 Steps to Gain Husbandly Leadership. It’s a “pay what you want” guide to stepping up and becoming the man your wife wants.
He is the kindest man I have ever met and I know he loves me, but there is also a part of me that doesn’t believe him and tries to sabotage everything- even without realising it sometimes. I don’t know if it’s because he is not for me, my body clock or my issues from past relationships. Anyway, I went round to his the other day to give each others stuff back. I had intended to keep it brief but we ended up talking for hours (not about the relationship) and had such a laugh and ended up having dinner together. We hugged a lot and I knew he wanted to kiss me but we didn’t and I went home. He then text me asking if I would have stayed over then again saying I didn’t have to answer that. I just thanked him for a lovely night. We text a couple of days later and I was honest and said that I had loved spending time with him again and he hasn’t replied. We love each other but there are doubts. I am so confused and heartbroken. I also feel like I have let myself be codependent with him instead of focusing on my life, which I am committed to doing now no matter what happens. I really want to make it work in the future though.
It’s been a little over three months since my ex and I broke up. I’ve completed no contact and given my ex space, a task someone difficult because we work together. I never begged or been pushy did the right moves based on advice given on here and other places. She’s still will barely talk to me and will barely reply to text messages. Typically she’ll reply to the initial message, but getting a second reply doesn’t happen much. Back in September I purchased a Christmas gift for her and even though we broke up I still sent it to her on Friday. She replied thank you for the gift. You didn’t need to. Merry Christmas! Attached to the gift was a clean slate letter. She made no mention of it. I told her she was welcome for the gift. I asked her if she was going to be up for talking soon to clear the air. She never replied back. She isn’t seeing anyone, nor did we have a bad breakup. Since the breakup I have found out that she is mad at me about something I said but I don’t know what I said or who I said it to and she won’t tell me. We’ve had some positive interactions as of late at work, but she’s got a wall so high up now. Where do I go from here? Three months, no contact completed, clean slate letter given, space given, showed activity on social media sites as well and not much recoconcilation has occurred. What can I do? Or is it time to accept the fact that I’m not going to get her back?
Complete the NC first and make your plans again from there. If you guys were best friends for 2 years and had a meaningful relationship, it wouldn’t be possible for her to move on that quickly and completely disregard you unless she never felt the same way.
Once you accept that you and your ex aren’t together, then you have to start learning how to get your ex back. You have to simply start from the beginning as you can’t undo what you have done and what you have said.
At this point, even if it was your ex who broke up with you, you don’t want to give them all the power. You don’t want to be the one who is always available for them. You don’t want to be their contingency plan.
I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.
I didn’t do anything on my facebook. I disappeared for him for a week. We have NEVER spent a day without getting in contact with each other! So it was extra hard for me not getting in any contact. But i knew that he will feel terrible about letting me go. I knew he made himself believe that i was the reason for his illness, and he has to experience life without me.. And then i finally got a facebook message YESTERDAY. after only a week !
Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.
This is crucial because right now, if you’ve been dumped or if your ex isn’t interested in giving the relationship another shot, then he or she almost certainly thinks of you in a negative light. Even if your breakup was totally amicable and he or she has told you they still love you, the reality is that your ex just doesn’t think of you as someone they want to be with. If your breakup was ugly or you’ve made a lot of mistakes since the breakup, it’s more likely that he or she sees you as “that desperate loser ex”.
If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend told you what they felt was lacking in you, are you considering what they said? If they said, for example, that you never listen to them, then are you still not listening? Rather than telling them you are no longer insecure, show them by not contacting them every five minutes. If they told you that you don’t talk to them with respect, then (if they’ll still see you) talk respectfully. Or write a letter promising you’ll change but also telling them how you intend to change. Vague promises never seem very promising, especially if your ex has heard it all before.
The fact is, if your ex starts dating someone else soon after a breakup, then it’s definitely a rebound relationship. And rebound relationships never last. In fact, it just means that after you broke up, your ex had a huge hole in their life that they are trying to fill with someone new. In many cases, they rush into it too soon and things get too serious really fast. There is nothing to worry about as the faster it moves, the faster it will end.
It’s important for him to feel really good about spending time with you again… especially if things ended badly between you. The contrast between how things felt at the end of your relationship and how things feel now is key in getting back together with him.
Some of you probably noticed that I no longer answer emails and post them on this site. This is because I simply don’t have the time anymore with work and family obligations. Not to worry though as I’ve provided plenty of good places to turn if you need more help. Each one is trusted and risk-free. I never recommend anything unless it has a money back guarantee. There is too much going on your life now to be worrying about who to trust. You can also grab my mini-guide for more tips.
When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.